(no subject)
my away message says I am reading the new harry potter but that is a lie right now, I am updating my livejournal because it's been a while and I am buzzed off my ass from just smoking a clove and I feel a need to write here because I do nothing but think all day while I sit in a chair on the beach and occasionally get bitched at by the people there for not doing my "job". There is nothing I want more right now than to just contact Meghan in any way at all. Last time I tried calling her was a few days ago and there's this whole message I have in my head that I want to leave her but I get all anxious as the phone rings and by the time the answering thing comes up I freak out and hang up. I had a dream the other night where I basically relived that last night in South Dakota and it felt so good while I was asleep but then I woke up and I just missed her so badly and I have this nagging feeling that she doesn't even have any interest in my anymore but I hope that's purely pessimism and not intuition because. I keep trying to pick up my phone and just tell her how much I miss her but I feel like my feelings are probably just overzealous and it would come off weird or something. This is one of those entries where I'm going to have to hit the post button really quickly or I'll erase it because I feel uncomfortable letting people know what's really on my mind. I just need to know whether or not I should keep feeling this way about her or if I should just get over it or something. I know I could get over it if I try but I don't know that I need to necessarily. It's been weeks since I've seen her or even talked to her really and today I passed by her street four times while driving to and fro and it didn't help this whole longing thing. That's about all I need to get out of my system for now, I'm going to go read Harry Potter, which I bought completely unnecessarily because my mom pre-ordered it for me but I went and bought it anyway just because I was there. So it goes.