To Kat
You truly were a feline one: full of mischief, unconventional, unpredictable, hopelessly unreliable, but immensely loveable and fun. The kickboxing dreadlocked Suicide Girl who could never hold down a regular job and moved to Denmark to be a ninja. Artist, writer, dancer, was there nothing you couldn't do? You inspired me and helped me to have fun in ways I hadn't before. Some of the craziest things I've ever done were with you. But it wasn't all about the craziness. You were gentle and thoughtful too, and you loved me and made me feel beautiful at a time when I needed that. Ultimately you helped me to discover important things about myself that helped me to get where I am today. I'll always be grateful to you for all of this.
I know how good you made others feel, but I'll never know for sure how happy we made you. Since long before I met you, your life had been underscored with pain, and I'm so sorry that I added to that pain. But I hope I brought you happy memories too. I couldn't fall for you the way you (and I) wanted, not in that situation at that time, but I did love you and under different circumstances it could have been different. I'm not stupid enough to believe that I or anyone else could have 'saved you'. Who knows though, maybe someone could have given the stability you needed to get there by yourself. Or maybe this was always where you were headed. The old cliche about 'the light that burns twice as bright burns half as long' could have been written for you.
Wherever you are now, I'm sure you're misbehaving. Hope to see you there someday. Goodbye, beautiful. x x x x x
