you asked for a samson rant? fine, i guess
I hope everyone out there is enjoying the winter weather. Here in the District, when two inches come up, everything shuts down. People here are pussies against the weather. At work, I have to consistently turn the thermostat down from 85 degrees because of my shivering coworkers. 85 degrees!?! I'm sorry, are you from Miami?
Believe it or not, I actually wanted to be in Chicago today. I don't know. I am actually quite a freak when it comes to bad weather. When I see that foot of sheer whiteness, I just really want to jump in and make snow angels. I don't know where everyone else is on this issue, but winters were the best for me as a kid, especially when you grew up in a cul-de-sac or court.
Anyway, I'm supposed to be ranting. OK.
Anna Nicole Smith...Normally I wouldn't waste my breath, but fortunately, I'm typing.
YOU CANNOT COMPARE ANNA NICOLE SMITH TO MARILYN MONROE!!! Anna Nicole Smith wasn't even one tenth of Marilyn Monroe. She's ugly, she's stupid, she's ugly, she can't act for shit, and she's fucking ugly. Smith married an eighty-year old oil tycoon, Monroe fucked JFK. Some Like It Hot is in my top ten, and let's not talk about the other's reality show. As I said, Anna Nicole Smith ain't got shit on Marilyn Monroe. She's just a wannabe who even killed herself in the same fashion for the same form of notoriety. I'm sorry.
Whoever in the news room thought this one up deserves a bag of non-organic cow urine to his jew suit. Why non-organic? Because it's not kosher? Sure, I guess, but actually because non-organic would be from your all purpose cows who are pumped full of hormones and pesticides. Mmmm. This is why I've opted to organic milk as of late, after reading a recent article. I feel sick having to know that we have to deem something such as milk "organic." It's a sad world we live in, but I would prefer cows be happy, even it means an extra 35 cents. They always find a way to get your money. Sorry for the side track, but you are what you eat.
Back to the ugly bitch. I wouldn't be surprised if her husband hired somebody to drug her or if by some fate chance O.J. Simpson shows up in the same zip code. It's obvious to the media that we care more about her money than we do about her. But honestly, who really cares about the money? I don't care about the money. Do you care about the money? WHO CARES WHO GETS THE MONEY? Jesus! America doesn't fucking care, please stop broadcasting this stupid shit and please go back to reporting on American Idol, at least that makes me shake my head a little less. (TRANSITION). Speaking of stupid shit...about two or three nights ago, I was reminded by CNN why I prefer to watch MSNBC when they started reporting on the "Secret to Life" issue. I don't know about anyone else, but if you haven't heard of this recent bullshit, then please go spit on this.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm a very positive person, in fact, I even base myself on faith, but ask anyone who knows me well, I slay the negative on a daily basis...BUT THIS...well this is just a crockpot of shit. The "secret to life" is the "law of attraction"? Go fuck yourself. No really. GO FUCK YOURSELF! Are you kidding me? You might as well ask people to stick the money in your ass. If the law of attraction governed the secret to life, it would've sure made sense even after the SECOND world war. I'm sure Caesar, JFK, or Lincoln all must have been positive people till they got assassinated. I mean, did they just want to say something else other than "GOTTA HAVE FAITH!" or is this just some Evangelical crap in disguise that just needs to be burned. I never thought Christianity could be given a bad name, but damn, I was wrong. I wonder if the law of attraction is in the "self-help" section at Borders? Would it be under the secret to life? "Oh shit, said the Caterpillar, what have I been missing?" Why buy a self-help book if you can't help yourself in the first place? Ho, shit, I just eliminated an entire section of books. There's only two good sections at Borders, and those are Poetry and History (followed closely by the Children's section and Bargain Books). Maybe the secret to life could just happen to be somewhere in the history section. I'm sorry to say.
You want to know what I think the "secret to life" is and perhaps the point of this post?
The secret to life is you're either FUCKED or GETTING FUCKED...and the .2 of 1% that's actually doing the FUCKING, are in constant fear of BEING FUCKED. So yeah. I guess you could blame capitalism or the government, but I care not for the trivial. Overall, it's a pretty bleak picture, so just be happy with how it looks and hopefully you'll find a mate...not a soul mate...just a mate. And, lest I forget, some Pooch Cafe.
I interview for my promotion this Friday. I could use the extra 20K. We'll see what happens. Let me muster my attraction powers, eh? On Sunday night, I couldn't believe I started sobbing for a cigarette. It took my friend Kelly (who actually smokes) to pull me out of it. No joke. I thought it would be easy for me, having only smoked for about a year, but when your roommate smokes and all your coworkers smoke, it is incredibly, ridiculously hard. Two weeks counting and I can't believe I've lasted this long. Five years ago, I played the guitar. I picked her back up two weeks ago. I must either be lonely or I need something to replace cigarettes.
Believe it or not, I actually wanted to be in Chicago today. I don't know. I am actually quite a freak when it comes to bad weather. When I see that foot of sheer whiteness, I just really want to jump in and make snow angels. I don't know where everyone else is on this issue, but winters were the best for me as a kid, especially when you grew up in a cul-de-sac or court.
Anyway, I'm supposed to be ranting. OK.
Anna Nicole Smith...Normally I wouldn't waste my breath, but fortunately, I'm typing.
YOU CANNOT COMPARE ANNA NICOLE SMITH TO MARILYN MONROE!!! Anna Nicole Smith wasn't even one tenth of Marilyn Monroe. She's ugly, she's stupid, she's ugly, she can't act for shit, and she's fucking ugly. Smith married an eighty-year old oil tycoon, Monroe fucked JFK. Some Like It Hot is in my top ten, and let's not talk about the other's reality show. As I said, Anna Nicole Smith ain't got shit on Marilyn Monroe. She's just a wannabe who even killed herself in the same fashion for the same form of notoriety. I'm sorry.
Whoever in the news room thought this one up deserves a bag of non-organic cow urine to his jew suit. Why non-organic? Because it's not kosher? Sure, I guess, but actually because non-organic would be from your all purpose cows who are pumped full of hormones and pesticides. Mmmm. This is why I've opted to organic milk as of late, after reading a recent article. I feel sick having to know that we have to deem something such as milk "organic." It's a sad world we live in, but I would prefer cows be happy, even it means an extra 35 cents. They always find a way to get your money. Sorry for the side track, but you are what you eat.
Back to the ugly bitch. I wouldn't be surprised if her husband hired somebody to drug her or if by some fate chance O.J. Simpson shows up in the same zip code. It's obvious to the media that we care more about her money than we do about her. But honestly, who really cares about the money? I don't care about the money. Do you care about the money? WHO CARES WHO GETS THE MONEY? Jesus! America doesn't fucking care, please stop broadcasting this stupid shit and please go back to reporting on American Idol, at least that makes me shake my head a little less. (TRANSITION). Speaking of stupid shit...about two or three nights ago, I was reminded by CNN why I prefer to watch MSNBC when they started reporting on the "Secret to Life" issue. I don't know about anyone else, but if you haven't heard of this recent bullshit, then please go spit on this.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm a very positive person, in fact, I even base myself on faith, but ask anyone who knows me well, I slay the negative on a daily basis...BUT THIS...well this is just a crockpot of shit. The "secret to life" is the "law of attraction"? Go fuck yourself. No really. GO FUCK YOURSELF! Are you kidding me? You might as well ask people to stick the money in your ass. If the law of attraction governed the secret to life, it would've sure made sense even after the SECOND world war. I'm sure Caesar, JFK, or Lincoln all must have been positive people till they got assassinated. I mean, did they just want to say something else other than "GOTTA HAVE FAITH!" or is this just some Evangelical crap in disguise that just needs to be burned. I never thought Christianity could be given a bad name, but damn, I was wrong. I wonder if the law of attraction is in the "self-help" section at Borders? Would it be under the secret to life? "Oh shit, said the Caterpillar, what have I been missing?" Why buy a self-help book if you can't help yourself in the first place? Ho, shit, I just eliminated an entire section of books. There's only two good sections at Borders, and those are Poetry and History (followed closely by the Children's section and Bargain Books). Maybe the secret to life could just happen to be somewhere in the history section. I'm sorry to say.
You want to know what I think the "secret to life" is and perhaps the point of this post?
The secret to life is you're either FUCKED or GETTING FUCKED...and the .2 of 1% that's actually doing the FUCKING, are in constant fear of BEING FUCKED. So yeah. I guess you could blame capitalism or the government, but I care not for the trivial. Overall, it's a pretty bleak picture, so just be happy with how it looks and hopefully you'll find a mate...not a soul mate...just a mate. And, lest I forget, some Pooch Cafe.
I interview for my promotion this Friday. I could use the extra 20K. We'll see what happens. Let me muster my attraction powers, eh? On Sunday night, I couldn't believe I started sobbing for a cigarette. It took my friend Kelly (who actually smokes) to pull me out of it. No joke. I thought it would be easy for me, having only smoked for about a year, but when your roommate smokes and all your coworkers smoke, it is incredibly, ridiculously hard. Two weeks counting and I can't believe I've lasted this long. Five years ago, I played the guitar. I picked her back up two weeks ago. I must either be lonely or I need something to replace cigarettes.