Rogue (2007); or Crocodile Dundee's Revenge
Starring: Radha Mitchell, Michael Vartan, Sam Worthington
Director: Greg McIean
Rating: R (violence, language)
Somewhere in the Outback is a giant crocodile. A crocodile so giant that he will inevitably eat the crap out of some local tourists. Pete (Michael Vartan) is a travel writer. He's not thrilled about having to write about the Outback, but he's in favor of the plucky tour boat captain (Radha Mitchell), who reassures everyone that crocodiles, while dangerous, never get big enough to attack their boat. Somewhere a submarine sized crocodile puts that down as a challenge and gets ready for some chomping. When the giant crocodile flips the boat, landing all the tourists on a tidal island that will eventually disappear underwater before rescue comes. Add to that the fact that they're all trapped in the crocodile's territory and the thing is PISSED about that. Something says this tour won't get an approval rating in a certain travel magazine.
Worst. Ironman. Ever.
Let's face it, a movie about a giant killer crocodile is going to be hard to sell believably any way around it. Surprisingly, this one at least sells it fairly plausibly. There's a reason to be near the water as everyone is trapped on a island that is slowly being consumed by the tide. The movie only really stumbles near the end when Michael Vartan faces off against the crocodile after idiotically tumbling down into the crocodile's den when chasing after Kate's dog, Kevin. Yes, there was a dog named Kevin. That was probably one of the things that bothered me the most. Who names their dog Kevin? Anyway, of course that brings Pete face to face with the gigantic crocodile, which apparently had an interior decorator, because that den was rather spaceous and nice. Pete ends up getting some fingers bit off, which inexplicably causes his legs to not be able to work for a while. I don't even know.
Wait, Sam Worthington gets wet repeatedly? All plot holes forgiven.
I've never really been too favorable to Michael Vartan. He has all the charisma of a throw pillow in my opinion. This movie doesn't change my mind. Most of the time he spends looking vaguely concerned or slightly annoyed, it's hard to tell. Look out for a young Mia Wasikowska, moments before becoming the next big thing in young Hollywood. Also here, Sam Worthington, ALSO moments before becoming the next big thing in Hollywood. He plays an asshole of a character, who is actually pretty heroic when he stops being an ass. He's also allowed to keep his heavy Perth accent and as annoying as his character starts out, I still got a little melty when he cracked out the boyish smile and puppy eyes.
All in all, I can't give a movie about a killer crocodile a high rating in good faith, but it's the best out there. 5 out of 10.
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