(no subject)
why would i post a live journal if i didn't want people to read it. why don't i just write it down in a 'real' journal that no one can read but me. i guess there are a couple reasons. the easiest reason is that i'm always on the computer when i'm home so it's convenient to get to. also this way seems much less tangible. once i hit the 'post' button, my problems kinda disappear and i no longer have to look at them until i feel like it (ie. i'm ready to laugh at me taking myself seriously)
tonight's drama: rape
at first i thought it only happened in dark alleys in the bad part of town. of course you hear of date rape and break up rape, but you'd think a girl could see that coming and fend a guy off. bottcher's showed me that's not necessarily true. it's funny- a situation where someone who is usually opinionated can't forcefully tell a guy to quit. everyone tells me i could kick anyone's ass if properly motivated. apparently not.
so i figger if i stay away from getting shibby at bars i'm safe, right? wrong. again my safety is compromised. why didn't anyone tell me that being fucked up around a guy friend gives him the right to sex? that would have made it a lot easier. did i mention that drugs are bad? i really don't know how to deal with this. i can't think of someone i can sit down with and *really* talk to. my friends are good for deep discussions, as long as it's not related to me. i've known these people for forever and yet i'm afraid they would treat me differently if they knew what i did. i don't want to be treated like a fucking victim. i'm not. it was my fault and i should have done something about it. how can i let them know that i let something like that happen and expect them not to see me as a slut? i was extremely drunk the first time and i still had super much trouble summoning the guts to call jamie the next morning. i know she thinks i'm an awful person now, but i was so weak that i had to burden someone else with my problems.
well, i'm a better person now so i don't have to drop my load on anyone. if i keep it in this journal, it's not bothering anyone, and i can still unburden myself. like i said at the beginning of the post, once it's on LJ, it no longer exists.
see, now that i'm done spilling for this session, i've even stopped crying. i may even go to bed and not cry myself to sleep. yay!
All the great heroes can fly. And thats what I am, a great hero. I am well rounded. I have a good sense of right and wrong. I seek to do the greatest good for the greatest number of people, but my friends always come first, especially if it's a romantic interest. Despite my amazing gifts, I prefer a quiet position away from the limelight, maybe among the clouds.
What's your superpower?
a good sense of right and wrong kinda ironic ain't it. i'm not arguing with the wingless flight bit, but it's more like a pathetic wuss fleeing from problems than wonder woman flying to save helpless bystanders.
grande sigh. off to my silverware. something else nobody needs to know about.
tonight's drama: rape
at first i thought it only happened in dark alleys in the bad part of town. of course you hear of date rape and break up rape, but you'd think a girl could see that coming and fend a guy off. bottcher's showed me that's not necessarily true. it's funny- a situation where someone who is usually opinionated can't forcefully tell a guy to quit. everyone tells me i could kick anyone's ass if properly motivated. apparently not.
so i figger if i stay away from getting shibby at bars i'm safe, right? wrong. again my safety is compromised. why didn't anyone tell me that being fucked up around a guy friend gives him the right to sex? that would have made it a lot easier. did i mention that drugs are bad? i really don't know how to deal with this. i can't think of someone i can sit down with and *really* talk to. my friends are good for deep discussions, as long as it's not related to me. i've known these people for forever and yet i'm afraid they would treat me differently if they knew what i did. i don't want to be treated like a fucking victim. i'm not. it was my fault and i should have done something about it. how can i let them know that i let something like that happen and expect them not to see me as a slut? i was extremely drunk the first time and i still had super much trouble summoning the guts to call jamie the next morning. i know she thinks i'm an awful person now, but i was so weak that i had to burden someone else with my problems.
well, i'm a better person now so i don't have to drop my load on anyone. if i keep it in this journal, it's not bothering anyone, and i can still unburden myself. like i said at the beginning of the post, once it's on LJ, it no longer exists.
see, now that i'm done spilling for this session, i've even stopped crying. i may even go to bed and not cry myself to sleep. yay!
All the great heroes can fly. And thats what I am, a great hero. I am well rounded. I have a good sense of right and wrong. I seek to do the greatest good for the greatest number of people, but my friends always come first, especially if it's a romantic interest. Despite my amazing gifts, I prefer a quiet position away from the limelight, maybe among the clouds.
What's your superpower?
a good sense of right and wrong kinda ironic ain't it. i'm not arguing with the wingless flight bit, but it's more like a pathetic wuss fleeing from problems than wonder woman flying to save helpless bystanders.
grande sigh. off to my silverware. something else nobody needs to know about.