THE MOST TERRIBLE POST TO HAVE EVER BEEN TERRIBLED
Well, my job for this month was to write a "gothic romance novel." I... wasn't really sure what that was when I first signed up for the job, but after doing a little research, I hope I came up with something fitting. I'm still working on it, but I figured I could show an excerpt before I submitted the whole thing. Hang on...
[here Twilight uses her magic to make the Guide float away from her, and toward a piece of paper on her desk, upon which are typed words! as the words are displayed, the pony reads along with her work.]
Dovebelle cantered away from her home slowly, a heavy stupor clouding her mind. She unconsciously made her way toward the Everfree Forest without paying any attention to what she was doing. It wasn't until she could no longer see the sun-the trees looming over her, her mane getting caught in stray branches-that she realized where she was. She knew that if she ventured any further, she would meet creatures far more dangerous than the one she couldn't stop thinking about. Quickly, she turned around and made a desperate attempt to retrace her steps.
She stumbled out of the forest after several panicked minutes, still tripping over her hooves, trying to get her thoughts straightened out. She ran into her house swiftly, magicking the door open with the strength of several full-grown stallions. She climbed under her quilt, curling into a ball, hugging herself to keep warm. A few small whinnies escaped through her lips.
Her mind still swirled dizzily, full of images she couldn't understand, and some she fought to repress.
Nothing seemed clear to her at first, but as she fell gradually closer to unconsciousness, a few certainties became evident.
About three things she was absolutely positive. First, Marble Topaz was a rainbow drinker. Second, there was a part of him-and she didn't know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for her unicorn magic. And third, she was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.
[the reading completed, Twilight swivels the Guide's camera back to her, smiling sort of sheepishly.]
So, um... what do you guys think? I read way more than I write, so any pointers you might have on how I could improve would be great. Thanks in advance!
[here Twilight uses her magic to make the Guide float away from her, and toward a piece of paper on her desk, upon which are typed words! as the words are displayed, the pony reads along with her work.]
Dovebelle cantered away from her home slowly, a heavy stupor clouding her mind. She unconsciously made her way toward the Everfree Forest without paying any attention to what she was doing. It wasn't until she could no longer see the sun-the trees looming over her, her mane getting caught in stray branches-that she realized where she was. She knew that if she ventured any further, she would meet creatures far more dangerous than the one she couldn't stop thinking about. Quickly, she turned around and made a desperate attempt to retrace her steps.
She stumbled out of the forest after several panicked minutes, still tripping over her hooves, trying to get her thoughts straightened out. She ran into her house swiftly, magicking the door open with the strength of several full-grown stallions. She climbed under her quilt, curling into a ball, hugging herself to keep warm. A few small whinnies escaped through her lips.
Her mind still swirled dizzily, full of images she couldn't understand, and some she fought to repress.
Nothing seemed clear to her at first, but as she fell gradually closer to unconsciousness, a few certainties became evident.
About three things she was absolutely positive. First, Marble Topaz was a rainbow drinker. Second, there was a part of him-and she didn't know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for her unicorn magic. And third, she was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.
[the reading completed, Twilight swivels the Guide's camera back to her, smiling sort of sheepishly.]
So, um... what do you guys think? I read way more than I write, so any pointers you might have on how I could improve would be great. Thanks in advance!