"what do you know?"
i spend so much time browsing through communities and stalking my friends page, and yet so little time updating. probably for the best for all of you.
things have been relatively alright here. living the unemployed life, enjoying being a bum but seriously missing privacy. i went with carrie to get her newest tattoo the other day, and now i really really want to get mine. so if anyone is a good artist and can draw it for me let me know, because i can't get it right.
so today, i had my interview. picture every nightmare you could ever have about an interview, everything that could go wrong, every dumb thing you could say. multiply it a bunch, and you come close to what happened. based on the email i had gotten, i was under the impression that it was a preliminary HR interview, and if i passed it, i'd interview with the lab people. not quite. i got a tour of the office from a few different people, and i was so nervous, but so excited to actually be in a lab, that i couldn't say anything intelligent. and of course, those people were among the four that i was interviewed by- all of the top lab directors. or should i say, interrogated. and by interrogated, i mean... "tell us everything you know about science and forensics and then let us barrage you with questions about why you don't know all of the things that we do or know how to use all of the equipment, nevermind that you just graduated and you've never worked in a lab." followed by "now we're going to tear apart everything you said and interrogate you about every method and every piece of equipement an every procedure you've ever used, and make you feel like an ass when you don't totally remember things you've done."
i have never in my life felt so stupid and useless and embarassed. not after the third org class i had to drop, not after i was cheated on, and not after the billion idiotic things i've done in my life. never. i managed to keep from totally breaking down until i got into the car, i was upset to the point that i didn't even have road rage on the beltway during rush hour. i managed to collect myself when i got home, and then broke down again when i saw that aaron had sent me roses for good luck. they're positively gorgeous, but it almost makes me feel worse about my interview. i think he and his family want me to get this job more than i want it.
i can't believe how angry i am with myself. by the time they got halfway through, i was so flustered that i couldn't even answer questions that i had good answers to.
but anyways. i get the bad news sometime next week and can get on with life. the only good thing i can think of if i don't get it is that i'll be able to go visit aaron in july. at his great new apartment. before his great new job starts. because everyone else in the world seems to be moving on, except for me. and i know that's not necessarily true, but i thought i would be so much more productive by now.
on a similar note, i feel very off. like i'm not where i'm supposed to be. i don't know if its location-wise, or job-wise, or just life-wise, but it sucks. i feel so uncomfortable.
at least i'm going away for the weekend. i'm heading up to hofstra/long island with megan to help her paint her awesome new apartment before her awesome new job starts. at least it'll be a distraction so i can stop obsessing about this god-awful day.
i think i'm going to drink before i pack. i see nothing wrong with that right now.
things have been relatively alright here. living the unemployed life, enjoying being a bum but seriously missing privacy. i went with carrie to get her newest tattoo the other day, and now i really really want to get mine. so if anyone is a good artist and can draw it for me let me know, because i can't get it right.
so today, i had my interview. picture every nightmare you could ever have about an interview, everything that could go wrong, every dumb thing you could say. multiply it a bunch, and you come close to what happened. based on the email i had gotten, i was under the impression that it was a preliminary HR interview, and if i passed it, i'd interview with the lab people. not quite. i got a tour of the office from a few different people, and i was so nervous, but so excited to actually be in a lab, that i couldn't say anything intelligent. and of course, those people were among the four that i was interviewed by- all of the top lab directors. or should i say, interrogated. and by interrogated, i mean... "tell us everything you know about science and forensics and then let us barrage you with questions about why you don't know all of the things that we do or know how to use all of the equipment, nevermind that you just graduated and you've never worked in a lab." followed by "now we're going to tear apart everything you said and interrogate you about every method and every piece of equipement an every procedure you've ever used, and make you feel like an ass when you don't totally remember things you've done."
i have never in my life felt so stupid and useless and embarassed. not after the third org class i had to drop, not after i was cheated on, and not after the billion idiotic things i've done in my life. never. i managed to keep from totally breaking down until i got into the car, i was upset to the point that i didn't even have road rage on the beltway during rush hour. i managed to collect myself when i got home, and then broke down again when i saw that aaron had sent me roses for good luck. they're positively gorgeous, but it almost makes me feel worse about my interview. i think he and his family want me to get this job more than i want it.
i can't believe how angry i am with myself. by the time they got halfway through, i was so flustered that i couldn't even answer questions that i had good answers to.
but anyways. i get the bad news sometime next week and can get on with life. the only good thing i can think of if i don't get it is that i'll be able to go visit aaron in july. at his great new apartment. before his great new job starts. because everyone else in the world seems to be moving on, except for me. and i know that's not necessarily true, but i thought i would be so much more productive by now.
on a similar note, i feel very off. like i'm not where i'm supposed to be. i don't know if its location-wise, or job-wise, or just life-wise, but it sucks. i feel so uncomfortable.
at least i'm going away for the weekend. i'm heading up to hofstra/long island with megan to help her paint her awesome new apartment before her awesome new job starts. at least it'll be a distraction so i can stop obsessing about this god-awful day.
i think i'm going to drink before i pack. i see nothing wrong with that right now.