cancer and non-existent health insurance

[fille_de_paris]

just read a very moving article in Jane (magazine) about a woman who died of cervical cancer. she was 28. it made me cry. a lot. and i'm even more worried than before. i'm 27. when i was 21 (22?) I was diagnosed with low-grade squamous cell dysplasia. yes, pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. after a follow-up, and a biopsy (they hurt like hell!: doc: "this will feel like a small beesting" me after the procedure: "'Beesting'? How would he like it if I took a pair of scissors and snipped off part of his penis?!!!"), my health insurance ran out. I haven't seen a doc about it since. I don't know why, I can't explain it. it scares me just to think about it. I know it won't go away just by ignoring it, but maybe that's what i've tried to do???
I'm scared. fuck, i don't know what to do. up until now the only people who knew were my immediate family, ken, and one or two of my close female friends. i need to take care of this, i need to check on other health issues, i have no insurance, i don't have money for a doctor, i'm struggling financially (but not finding anything as a good 2nd job), i have issues, i don't want to have cancer, i don't want to die, i don't want to worry my friends and family, i don't want to obsess, i don't want to annoy people with my problems...
fuck it all. i can worry later. i'm going to go watch My Little Pony "The End of Flutter Valley". yay, flutter ponies!
ok, time to paste on that fake happy smile!