What is this obsession you have with knowing people?

[fille_de_paris]

An hour or two ago, I had several conversations with my Mom that I've been wanting to have for about the past 15 years, but every time I would approach any of the subjects, she would either avoid the topic, say "There's nothing to say about that", or tell me, "Maybe when you're older" (even though then, now, and in between I have always felt that I was mature enough to have these conversations. I wonder why it took so damn long?) I still don't know everything about my Mom that I would like to, and I may never know my Mom in her entirety. I still want to know more about her years before she had me, and hear more about my mother and I together in my formative years (you know, the years we don't remember as adults). I want to hear her stories. In a way, sometimes I wish she had kept a journal I could read. But many questions have finally been answered, and I am able to see her even more as the beautifully complex, intelligent, and savvy woman that I have always known her to be. There are so many things I do like her, and am alike in so many ways... even some of our thought processes ( I can't think of any examples right now. Perhaps later.) are so similar. I am so glad I have turned out just as strong and independent as she. Even though I tell her, I hope she knows how much I love her and treasure her. I remember several times growing up, especially in school, when people would ask (or teachers would assign) "Who is your role model?" or "Who do you consider your influence in life", etc... Many kids would name some celebrity, and I always thought, "How ridiculous. You don't really even know them underneath their exterior surface." My Mom has and always will be a source of inspiration for my life, and when/if I ever decide to become a mother, I hope I can do equally as well with my kids. I could probably type about this all night, but there are many more images and thoughts running through my head that can't quite yet be expressed on paper (ok, on screen!) yet.
In summary-------------------------> I love my mother more than ever with each passing day.