i am the ultimate consumer.
people and their judgments of whats good and bad are driving me bonkers anymore.
theres no good, theres no bad. everything just IS. im bad at listening sometimes because the wheels in my head are spinning trying to take what that person is saying to deduce who they are from what they are saying. i dont focus on the statement itself; rather, i look for what motivates one to make such a statement. its so much more interesting that way. ah, just realizing that thats why i only keep friends and bfs around for short periods of time - once i figure out their brains, im over it and bored. wow. that sucks. i dunno, it just becomes me being able to hold the same conversations with them in person in my head without the hassle of hanging out. what do i need them for after that if i can just do it myself? boy, that was an unpleasant digression. thats how i always was with authors, too, growing up and reading obsessively - as soon as i realized their writing style, i was bored.
i can take any situation and see both sides and the motivations behind each sides actions. whats my only moral compass? learn from everything and work with what you have. i thought for a minute i could pin something down, but i cant. the world is an objective space filled with the illusion of subjective experiences. the problem these days is that everyone is so involved with judging and gossiping about others that no one has to take the time to think about their own messes. no one is taking the time to think, everyones just talking and acting. people are too quick to spend time looking at other peoples lives on computer screens and cellphone lcd's to put energy into living their own.
world wars, coups, terrorism, dysfunctional societies? all that shit starts with unhappy, unbalanced home lives. want to create world peace? start with cleaning your room. stop allowing the government to parent your children - throwing money at failing school systems is a waste of money. try to understand, truly understand that your adult life will be a complete and utter reaction to the first 15-18 years of your life, good, bad or indifferent. try to find the childhood inspirations in your every day reactions to things - when you become overcritical of someone else, its probably a problem within yourself that youre trying to work out. recognize that shit. psychoanalyze yourself - you should be utterly fascinated with yourself on a daily basis. every thing i learn about myself helps me understand others and the world around me just a little bit better. even me feeling the need to put this on epaper means that im probably trying to reassure myself about all this. i cant possibly think i reach anyone writing about this crap in this lj.
the one college course i excelled at, i mean really excelled at, was my ending sentences with a proposition class. kidding! i do like to do that, though. i apologize to myself every time, too. anyway, it was symbolic logic. im talking i got 110'ss on tests and the rest of the class got 13's. the professor would announce my test score and a near riot would break out lol. this is how i know i am a freak of nature. what kind of skill is being able to deduce any one thing from any other thing using symbols to represent words and phrases and transitions? you can actually deduce yes from no? GREAT. now im totally not confused about the planet.
its not exactly fun, being able to see everyones perspectives and the lesson to be learned in any given situation. its like being psychic and being a teacher all at the same time. ugh. shit, what i wouldnt give to be less aware.
theres no good, theres no bad. everything just IS. im bad at listening sometimes because the wheels in my head are spinning trying to take what that person is saying to deduce who they are from what they are saying. i dont focus on the statement itself; rather, i look for what motivates one to make such a statement. its so much more interesting that way. ah, just realizing that thats why i only keep friends and bfs around for short periods of time - once i figure out their brains, im over it and bored. wow. that sucks. i dunno, it just becomes me being able to hold the same conversations with them in person in my head without the hassle of hanging out. what do i need them for after that if i can just do it myself? boy, that was an unpleasant digression. thats how i always was with authors, too, growing up and reading obsessively - as soon as i realized their writing style, i was bored.
i can take any situation and see both sides and the motivations behind each sides actions. whats my only moral compass? learn from everything and work with what you have. i thought for a minute i could pin something down, but i cant. the world is an objective space filled with the illusion of subjective experiences. the problem these days is that everyone is so involved with judging and gossiping about others that no one has to take the time to think about their own messes. no one is taking the time to think, everyones just talking and acting. people are too quick to spend time looking at other peoples lives on computer screens and cellphone lcd's to put energy into living their own.
world wars, coups, terrorism, dysfunctional societies? all that shit starts with unhappy, unbalanced home lives. want to create world peace? start with cleaning your room. stop allowing the government to parent your children - throwing money at failing school systems is a waste of money. try to understand, truly understand that your adult life will be a complete and utter reaction to the first 15-18 years of your life, good, bad or indifferent. try to find the childhood inspirations in your every day reactions to things - when you become overcritical of someone else, its probably a problem within yourself that youre trying to work out. recognize that shit. psychoanalyze yourself - you should be utterly fascinated with yourself on a daily basis. every thing i learn about myself helps me understand others and the world around me just a little bit better. even me feeling the need to put this on epaper means that im probably trying to reassure myself about all this. i cant possibly think i reach anyone writing about this crap in this lj.
the one college course i excelled at, i mean really excelled at, was my ending sentences with a proposition class. kidding! i do like to do that, though. i apologize to myself every time, too. anyway, it was symbolic logic. im talking i got 110'ss on tests and the rest of the class got 13's. the professor would announce my test score and a near riot would break out lol. this is how i know i am a freak of nature. what kind of skill is being able to deduce any one thing from any other thing using symbols to represent words and phrases and transitions? you can actually deduce yes from no? GREAT. now im totally not confused about the planet.
its not exactly fun, being able to see everyones perspectives and the lesson to be learned in any given situation. its like being psychic and being a teacher all at the same time. ugh. shit, what i wouldnt give to be less aware.