Rediscovering Myself
Once upon a time there was a girl who loved writing. She wrote all sorts of things from poetry, to fake magazine interviews to fiction. She even wrote fan fiction in the days before the internet and everyone and their mother having access to a word processor and upload or cut-n-paste. This girl didn't care if what she wrote didn't have "main stream" appeal; she wrote because she enjoyed writing. It brought her joy and gave her pleasure. Always an imaginative child with her "head in the clouds," writing was a creative outlet for all that pent-up imaginative energy that was bursting to get free.
This girl grew into a woman who maintained her love for writing. No matter what, when or where, she could find something to write about. But slowly, over time something changed. She stopped writing for her, and starting writing what she thought other people wanted to read. Her stories stopped being about what she wanted to see and read and started focusing on the audience and the feedback. While she didn't prostitute herself and hold stories for ransom in exchange for reviews, she wanted them something fierce.
Her stories became geared toward the expectations of the audience. Someone didn't like something, she changed it. Someone wanted to see something, she changed.
Somewhere along the road between stepping back from fandom to have and raise a daughter, and dipping her toes into the writing pool this woman lost the writer inside. She lost herself.
After a hiatus and some time to simply play and dabble, I'm glad to see that this woman found herself again. I found what makes me happy. I rediscovered the simple joy that comes from writing and putting words to "paper." I started to feel like writing in fandom and delving into fan fiction was a waste of my time, energy and talent. Then I woke up and realized that it's not about what other people think or expect, it's about what I like. If I can lose myself in another person's sandbox, then so be it. There's no shame in that if I am enjoying what I'm doing.
The audience isn't important. That isn't to say that I don't want people to read my writing; why else would I share it? However, I am not going to focus on writing for everyone and their mother. I'm a niche writer and I've come to accept that. I don't need one hundred readers, or fifty or twenty-five. Just knowing that one person is going to see something I wrote and enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it is good enough for me.
I'm still evolving as a writer. I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm experimenting. I'm also not ashamed to go back to my roots and rediscover and explore those things and places (and worlds and fandoms) that bring the characters and the words flowing out of my head and onto the screen.
Yes, this is a very long way of saying that I'm writing again. Fan fiction. Original fiction. Odd drabbles and story starts that go nowhere and mean nothing. Short stories. Long novellas. Whatever I want and whatever comes to mind.
To that end, I've started a separate journal for my writing. It's
fantasy_echoes. It's hosted on Dreamwidth. It's set up as a community journal, because it was easier than burning through an invite code. I believe you can follow/subscribe to the journal if you don't have a DW account. (But don't quote me on that.) My initial goal with
fantasy_echoes is to start posting my writing again. I'll put something up on that journal twice a week.
(Oh yeah, and if you're not on DW and want an account, I have some invite codes!)
Let the creative juices flow . . .
This entry was originally posted at http://fikgirl.dreamwidth.org/170644.html. If you have a Dreamwidth account, please comment there using that account. If you don't have a Dreamwidth account, please comment there using OpenID.
This girl grew into a woman who maintained her love for writing. No matter what, when or where, she could find something to write about. But slowly, over time something changed. She stopped writing for her, and starting writing what she thought other people wanted to read. Her stories stopped being about what she wanted to see and read and started focusing on the audience and the feedback. While she didn't prostitute herself and hold stories for ransom in exchange for reviews, she wanted them something fierce.
Her stories became geared toward the expectations of the audience. Someone didn't like something, she changed it. Someone wanted to see something, she changed.
Somewhere along the road between stepping back from fandom to have and raise a daughter, and dipping her toes into the writing pool this woman lost the writer inside. She lost herself.
After a hiatus and some time to simply play and dabble, I'm glad to see that this woman found herself again. I found what makes me happy. I rediscovered the simple joy that comes from writing and putting words to "paper." I started to feel like writing in fandom and delving into fan fiction was a waste of my time, energy and talent. Then I woke up and realized that it's not about what other people think or expect, it's about what I like. If I can lose myself in another person's sandbox, then so be it. There's no shame in that if I am enjoying what I'm doing.
The audience isn't important. That isn't to say that I don't want people to read my writing; why else would I share it? However, I am not going to focus on writing for everyone and their mother. I'm a niche writer and I've come to accept that. I don't need one hundred readers, or fifty or twenty-five. Just knowing that one person is going to see something I wrote and enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it is good enough for me.
I'm still evolving as a writer. I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm experimenting. I'm also not ashamed to go back to my roots and rediscover and explore those things and places (and worlds and fandoms) that bring the characters and the words flowing out of my head and onto the screen.
Yes, this is a very long way of saying that I'm writing again. Fan fiction. Original fiction. Odd drabbles and story starts that go nowhere and mean nothing. Short stories. Long novellas. Whatever I want and whatever comes to mind.
To that end, I've started a separate journal for my writing. It's
fantasy_echoes. It's hosted on Dreamwidth. It's set up as a community journal, because it was easier than burning through an invite code. I believe you can follow/subscribe to the journal if you don't have a DW account. (But don't quote me on that.) My initial goal with
fantasy_echoes is to start posting my writing again. I'll put something up on that journal twice a week.
(Oh yeah, and if you're not on DW and want an account, I have some invite codes!)
Let the creative juices flow . . .
This entry was originally posted at http://fikgirl.dreamwidth.org/170644.html. If you have a Dreamwidth account, please comment there using that account. If you don't have a Dreamwidth account, please comment there using OpenID.