emotions
i can't say that i am an emotional person. granted i have emotions regardless of how i express them but tomorrow is the wake followed tuesday by the funeral. luckily friends have thought of me, my dad, and my brother in regards to bringing us dinner or out to eat. i did go out the day after with some friends for their concert/beers. it was good to get out. today my father and i took a stroll in the pouring raind. he's not holding up as well as my brother and i, but neither of us have ever really expressed anything..my father now just keeps talking, about anything and nothing. moreso than he used to. i forget where i was going with this update...the next two days are gonna be...i don't know..new. i feel after that i'll grow, i mean i'm doing what everyone says, think positive, stay strong, move on. i don't doubt the next two days will be tough and as will the next couple years of my life until i regain financial stability. other than having a full time job my mom was always there with her...better paying full time job (hah) and um, my dad is now retired and as he ages he'll more than likely have medical bills that neither of us have insurance for at the moment. i have gained a new perspective on death though. it's not just 'aw that sucks' it's more like 'fuck, that sucks on way too many levels'. also i know i can count on way more people that i thought. my best buddy tim is flying home from washington state and my dad's sister is finally coming home..i've never met this woman and i'm 23...so yea, it'll be a different week. anyhoo, love you all an i'll def update more this week