Like everytime before.
I guess I might just start updating my journal every-so-often, again.
I've got some really weird dream news this time. I dreamed about my grandmother again a couple days ago. I dreamed she was alive. I was with my brother. She was hugging me, and she looked really small, kind of frail, and very energetic at the same time.
Anyhow, we were all watching TV in her apartment like old times when she suddenly ran away. And then I paniced, for some strange reason. She ran to her refridgerator and I screamed so loud. She started tearing it out of the wall and I screamed even louder for her to stop. Like, the whole time, I only felt this uncontrollable fear. I stepped infront of the 'fridge and held it back, the cord pulled long and strained, and my grandma still ripped at it.
Then she ran to her room down the floor. My brother finally stood up to help me stop her. (From what, though?) Her room was in disarray. Her dresser was covering half the doorway and she was throwing her furniture around... But there was no bed, when I think of it. Like it just vanished. Anyhow, this is when the weird shit happened: she turned into a giant spider, climbed the wall, and became invisible.
My brother and I were standing there, I don't really remember if we were fighting or not. I felt like it was a fight, but there was no physical contact. I have some gaps where it was just blurry, but then I remember feeling this light, comical thing where I grabbed my keys, cell phone and ran away upstairs to my apartment. I ran to my dad and told him the same news I told him when my grandmother first became sick:
"Hey, Grandma makes no sense. She's just talking non sense. It's really confusing. I don't know, maybe we should bring her to the hospital."
Something like that. During this speech, though; the air was light, nonchalant, and almost indifferent. It kind of makes me feel bad, now.
Could I have handeled the situation of her dying better?
(When will I get over this?)