too late to say and I know that.
Everytime I come to write I think about who reads this thing.
Everything I type feels of so little importance to anyone here, with the exception of self.
I'm not proud of what I did. Not in the least. There is "what I should have dones" that plague me.
I should have told you that I didn't like your comment on facebook from the very start. That it hurt me when you offered to cook someone else food, when it was I, who was teaching you how to cook.
And even that was not it entirely. Because I know you have friends who are women, and I really don't have a problem with you cooking for them. It was on the idea that this particular girl, we'll call her GIRL A, was flirting back with you. As if there was some romantic evening that was to happen where you get to impress this young woman. Without my supervision, without my knowledge of it.
So I felt really used for my skill, and angry with you for even offering that to her. I didn't want to teach you cooking so you could impress someone else you were romantically interested in. I wanted to do it so you could take care of yourself better.
That was so painful to read on your facebook.
Thats the fucking truth. That was the problem which set this all in motion, and if I wasn't so caught up in trying NOT to be upset with anything you do, I would have confided in you with that information.
You hurt my feelings, and instead of telling you that, I misdirected the emotion elsewhere. In some bar, catching up with John. Knowing he had some connection with this girl too. Still I didn't ask him to do what he did. I wasn't angry at her at all. I wasn't coming to her with some threat. I don't do that.
I was just plain upset. It was recently read and John was there, which just brought it all up in my mind. Some coincidence really, not seeing him for years, and having him there at that moment. I didn't snoop into anything really. I asked how he knew her, and later on I told him about how she left the flirty comment, and how upset I was.
The BF word drop, well....do the next one a favor, in case she isn't keen to your lingo. Don't do the "labels" speech. It can be seriously misunderstood and so can you.
And please, don't speak to me unless you seriously want to reconcile.
I just want to forget every perfect moment, and just dwell in whatever makes you horrible, so that this is easy. Funny thing is, I don't have a lot of bad to think about.
So this really isn't easy at all. You were perfect, even if your facebook comment hurt me.
This huge part of me stays with you, somehow, some way, and I have to fight the real feelings I had for you. The deep cares and desires. Wanting to look into your eyes again and kiss your perfect lips. I really miss that!
I'm just going to be in pain for awhile. You make your bed, and then sleep in it. It's...really the way it always goes.
I'll be okay.
Everything I type feels of so little importance to anyone here, with the exception of self.
I'm not proud of what I did. Not in the least. There is "what I should have dones" that plague me.
I should have told you that I didn't like your comment on facebook from the very start. That it hurt me when you offered to cook someone else food, when it was I, who was teaching you how to cook.
And even that was not it entirely. Because I know you have friends who are women, and I really don't have a problem with you cooking for them. It was on the idea that this particular girl, we'll call her GIRL A, was flirting back with you. As if there was some romantic evening that was to happen where you get to impress this young woman. Without my supervision, without my knowledge of it.
So I felt really used for my skill, and angry with you for even offering that to her. I didn't want to teach you cooking so you could impress someone else you were romantically interested in. I wanted to do it so you could take care of yourself better.
That was so painful to read on your facebook.
Thats the fucking truth. That was the problem which set this all in motion, and if I wasn't so caught up in trying NOT to be upset with anything you do, I would have confided in you with that information.
You hurt my feelings, and instead of telling you that, I misdirected the emotion elsewhere. In some bar, catching up with John. Knowing he had some connection with this girl too. Still I didn't ask him to do what he did. I wasn't angry at her at all. I wasn't coming to her with some threat. I don't do that.
I was just plain upset. It was recently read and John was there, which just brought it all up in my mind. Some coincidence really, not seeing him for years, and having him there at that moment. I didn't snoop into anything really. I asked how he knew her, and later on I told him about how she left the flirty comment, and how upset I was.
The BF word drop, well....do the next one a favor, in case she isn't keen to your lingo. Don't do the "labels" speech. It can be seriously misunderstood and so can you.
And please, don't speak to me unless you seriously want to reconcile.
I just want to forget every perfect moment, and just dwell in whatever makes you horrible, so that this is easy. Funny thing is, I don't have a lot of bad to think about.
So this really isn't easy at all. You were perfect, even if your facebook comment hurt me.
This huge part of me stays with you, somehow, some way, and I have to fight the real feelings I had for you. The deep cares and desires. Wanting to look into your eyes again and kiss your perfect lips. I really miss that!
I'm just going to be in pain for awhile. You make your bed, and then sleep in it. It's...really the way it always goes.
I'll be okay.