1 thing
three things happened to me recently, and they were really great reminders of how great life is, and i've decided i need to invest significantly more time in reviewing the happy memories (instead of reliving the bad ones--an automatic response for me). so, i'm writing this one good memory i just had down to emphasize and invest more thought into the good in my life.
so a little background info: last summer was an incredible turning point in my life in terms of enlightenment and becoming a positive person all the time. i learned i wanted to be that person who was happy to be alive and in whatever situation i was in, at every moment of the day, no matter what...and that i not only want that, but must do that; that i have an obligation to myself and everyone and everything in the world to do so...and i was blessed to have the most amazing mentors to show me how. however, since having this enlightenment, its been an incredibly difficult journey and it seems things just get harder and harder (as life will always be, but still....) and i can't be this person the way i want to because, despite increasing my strength and abilities, things are getting harder faster than im improving, and im still not happy all the time the way i want to be. this semester i have 3 classes, 10 hrs of research/week, and an independent research project. i have a boyfriend in texas, i share a bedroom with a friend who has an eating disorder and plethora of other psychological challenges, and then i took a job as a waitress at a bar. so i've been working at this bar 630pm-3am twice a week and then getting up 4 hrs later for class, and going to class all day and then working 8.5 hours into the middle of the night. then, this month, because its march madness, i've been required to work 3 nights and 1 half-day shift a week (so 30+ hrs) these past few weeks, and on top of that i've had midterms, like 8 papers, and 2 presentations in my (count em, 3, only 3...) classes, plus ind. research deadlines to meet, all in the same weeks! (I guess spring break happened at some point during this but i didnt notice). anyway, i've been feeling SUPER sorry for myself, and have come up with tons of more reasons to complain/make life seem harder/be overwhelmed (its really hard for me to stop here and not keep describing whats making life harder....see? i have a problem indulging in my misery!). so ive been having a superrrrrrrrr difficult time being the person i want to be. and its soo disappointing iin myself, and that just makes me feel worse, and thus continues this cycle of bad thoughts/bad moods/negativity. so ive been struggling to be positive and have been failing miserably.
anyway. in the midst of my negativity, ive been searching for a way out. as much as i want to be completely independent and do everything myself (and i firmly believe everything is one's OWN responsibility), i've had some amazing experiences recently that have helped me so much!
just a few minutes ago, this happened to me: ( this is why i'm inspired to write) here i am, at the union studying on a saturday evening, feeling exhausted and overwhelmed from work/hw, and frustrated at my computer problems, feeling sorry for myself and miserable. i go to the bathroom and a girl comes out and we're at the sinks and she's going on and on about how beautiful my hair is and how i could be a model blah blah blah. (ok, the reason this is so crazy is because my dark roots are about 3-4 inches long, i just showered and left with wet hair today, and the only makeup im wearing is concealer, and this is because i think if you saw me without concealer you'd think i was getting punched in the face). i couldn't believe it! and of course i thought she was crazy (because i really do look disgusting right now). but the point is, no matter how flattering she was, it reminded me of how different her perspective of me is than mine is, and how large of a spectrum of perspectives there are of everyone around! and her having such a vastly different perspective than me reminded me of how much i forget sometimes that my thoughts are only one perspective...and theres this HUGE spectrum of perspectives that im not even realising are existing. and how much i am limiting myself, by forgetting that there are so many different perspectives than me! im limiting myself by not realising that i feel some certain narrow way, but so many people out there feel vastly different about the same thing/scenario/situation...why did i ever think my opinion and perspective was valid, that it was the only right one; that my perspective was the only one deserved all my energy and thoughts? that's so wrong! i'm only one tiny part of this huge spectrum of perspectives, and i act like my interpretation of an event in my life is the right one! and im indulging in that thought that is so worthless compared to the universe as a whole! it was just so eye-opening, such a huge reminder to step outside myself and remember how different i could be thinking about something; how many ways there are to think about a situation and how false it is to just let myself think about it one way. i love this girl, not for flattering me with her compliments, but for just speaking to me, so that i may have my entire day and mood changed because of the contribution she made to my thoughts. so, for anyone reading this: say something to the strangers in your life! you have no idea how telling someone you like their hair will change their life.
so a little background info: last summer was an incredible turning point in my life in terms of enlightenment and becoming a positive person all the time. i learned i wanted to be that person who was happy to be alive and in whatever situation i was in, at every moment of the day, no matter what...and that i not only want that, but must do that; that i have an obligation to myself and everyone and everything in the world to do so...and i was blessed to have the most amazing mentors to show me how. however, since having this enlightenment, its been an incredibly difficult journey and it seems things just get harder and harder (as life will always be, but still....) and i can't be this person the way i want to because, despite increasing my strength and abilities, things are getting harder faster than im improving, and im still not happy all the time the way i want to be. this semester i have 3 classes, 10 hrs of research/week, and an independent research project. i have a boyfriend in texas, i share a bedroom with a friend who has an eating disorder and plethora of other psychological challenges, and then i took a job as a waitress at a bar. so i've been working at this bar 630pm-3am twice a week and then getting up 4 hrs later for class, and going to class all day and then working 8.5 hours into the middle of the night. then, this month, because its march madness, i've been required to work 3 nights and 1 half-day shift a week (so 30+ hrs) these past few weeks, and on top of that i've had midterms, like 8 papers, and 2 presentations in my (count em, 3, only 3...) classes, plus ind. research deadlines to meet, all in the same weeks! (I guess spring break happened at some point during this but i didnt notice). anyway, i've been feeling SUPER sorry for myself, and have come up with tons of more reasons to complain/make life seem harder/be overwhelmed (its really hard for me to stop here and not keep describing whats making life harder....see? i have a problem indulging in my misery!). so ive been having a superrrrrrrrr difficult time being the person i want to be. and its soo disappointing iin myself, and that just makes me feel worse, and thus continues this cycle of bad thoughts/bad moods/negativity. so ive been struggling to be positive and have been failing miserably.
anyway. in the midst of my negativity, ive been searching for a way out. as much as i want to be completely independent and do everything myself (and i firmly believe everything is one's OWN responsibility), i've had some amazing experiences recently that have helped me so much!
just a few minutes ago, this happened to me: ( this is why i'm inspired to write) here i am, at the union studying on a saturday evening, feeling exhausted and overwhelmed from work/hw, and frustrated at my computer problems, feeling sorry for myself and miserable. i go to the bathroom and a girl comes out and we're at the sinks and she's going on and on about how beautiful my hair is and how i could be a model blah blah blah. (ok, the reason this is so crazy is because my dark roots are about 3-4 inches long, i just showered and left with wet hair today, and the only makeup im wearing is concealer, and this is because i think if you saw me without concealer you'd think i was getting punched in the face). i couldn't believe it! and of course i thought she was crazy (because i really do look disgusting right now). but the point is, no matter how flattering she was, it reminded me of how different her perspective of me is than mine is, and how large of a spectrum of perspectives there are of everyone around! and her having such a vastly different perspective than me reminded me of how much i forget sometimes that my thoughts are only one perspective...and theres this HUGE spectrum of perspectives that im not even realising are existing. and how much i am limiting myself, by forgetting that there are so many different perspectives than me! im limiting myself by not realising that i feel some certain narrow way, but so many people out there feel vastly different about the same thing/scenario/situation...why did i ever think my opinion and perspective was valid, that it was the only right one; that my perspective was the only one deserved all my energy and thoughts? that's so wrong! i'm only one tiny part of this huge spectrum of perspectives, and i act like my interpretation of an event in my life is the right one! and im indulging in that thought that is so worthless compared to the universe as a whole! it was just so eye-opening, such a huge reminder to step outside myself and remember how different i could be thinking about something; how many ways there are to think about a situation and how false it is to just let myself think about it one way. i love this girl, not for flattering me with her compliments, but for just speaking to me, so that i may have my entire day and mood changed because of the contribution she made to my thoughts. so, for anyone reading this: say something to the strangers in your life! you have no idea how telling someone you like their hair will change their life.