Traffic Jam Booty
So, I come home tomorrow and am ECSTATIC! I love cville, but I really need a little atown and a little atown lovin. I am going to an ATO party tonight though which I am really looking forward to and Erin is coming to visit and I can’t wait to see her, its been too long since I’ve seen my other half, my other sexier, more-murderous half. The past couple days have been good, and it turns out my bee sting was infected. Go figure. This is what I have learned from this experience. A) when you get stung by a bee make sure to pull out the entire stinger, no it is not like a splinter where it comes out when its ready (thank you Jeremy) B) when you have a stinger on the bottom of your foot, wearing shoes and/or a band aid is a really good idea considering your feet usually get dirty when you wear sandals which can lead to infection C) don’t go to the gym D) if your foot bee sting starts pussing, go to the doctor. Now, the reason my sting got infected is because I did none of these common sensical things. So, you live and learn, but I still refuse to wear sneakers, shoes are for gimps. However, I did compromise and don a band aid whenever I go out, but I do still go running, whatever, that bee aint gonna be the boss of me. It can’t control me from beyond the grave! Plus, I started antibiotics so it is already looking a lot better even though the pills make my tumms hurt a little bit. It’s the price I must pay for bee murder I guess. When I come back to atown I get to start interning at my dad’s place, nepotism is great! I don’t get paid, I file all day, but it’s something to do, a resume builder, and thankfully it’s only part time. I figure it wont be too bad, but I am worried that my newly cultivated tan I worked so hard on is going to fade since I will be living in the Dept of Education’s basement for a month. Maybe if I sit down there in a bikini next to a window I can keep my healthy glow. Anyway, the past couple days have been good because oceanography is over, yay! I don’t know how I did on the final, and I don’t really care, well I do, but I more so just want to do ok in the class. In all honesty I just needed the credit; I could care less about the sea. Sorry Shamoo. In fact when I go to the beach I plan to spit in the sea just to show it whose boss. The past few days I caught up with a few people, I had lunch with my beloved Paul, well actually, two Pauls. Good ole Paul and New Paul who is in my oceanography class. New Paul, or Ocean Paul as I like to refer to him, is a 2nd year and really nice but I think the hostess at Jabberwocky thinks I am a raging whore because one day I came in with one Paul and the next day I came in with the other Paul. Hey, if I want to play the field and Jabberwocky is where I like to bring my mens, who’s to judge? My friend Adam wants to get a tattoo of a cross on his back but I told him to consider getting “Rachel Forever” instead. I think that’s a tattoo everyone should want and no one would regret. Jesse and I went swimming the other day which was a lot of fun, even though we chose to come a little too late in the day and it started to thunder, but we got some good basking in before it started to storm. Jesse kept saving the bugs I was trying to kill in the pool but I think the real reason behind my hostility is that Jesse is very tan and has the coolest pineapple shorts I have ever seen. I am envious for a multitude of obvious reasons. Anyway, so my cat, Archibald Kittensworth, is MIA and I am worried about him. I don’t really like him, since cats and I just don’t mesh, but he is nice for a cat and pretty skinny so I worry about him. He isn’t really my cat per se, but I think he’s the communal complex cat because people leave food out for him and I occasionally give him tuna when he comes to visit. The other day though when it started to storm I brought him inside because I didn’t want him to get struck by lightning and he stayed for a bit but kept wanting to go outside, so I let him, and it was pouring, and he has not surfaced since. I hope he is ok! Jeremy and Robert came to visit the other day which was a lot of fun because I love them so, and appreciated them taking me to get much needed groceries. I was trying to hold out and not buy anything because I am leaving sat, but Jeremy pointed out that my fridge looked like one an old lady would have because it was basically full of condiments, pudding, and Jell-O. Touché Jeremy. I watched the movie Magnolia, which was very long and very boring. Seriously it had no plot, no point whatsoever, I feel like I must’ve fallen asleep for a vital 20 minutes where they explained the reason for this movie. There went an 8 hours I will never get back. I would say Sean had crappy taste in movies because that one tanked and William H. Macy just makes me depressed without him even trying, but Rules of Attraction is a really good movie (mostly because James Van Derbeek and some hot guy make out, and even though Vanderbeek has a huge forehead it did not keep him from sucking some face…oh yeah.) We also watched Primal Fear which is reeeaaallly good, I thoroughly enjoyed it, even though Richard Gere is kinda pervie but Edward Norton is a dream boat. I love him, he is so cute, I don’t know what it is about him I like. Maybe cuz he’s so effeminate..Hmmm. I wrote a rap about Richard Gere:
Richard Gere’s a perv, stuck a gerbil up his butt,
And you know what’s wack? They called that gerbil a slut!
It needs work, I’m the first to admit it, but it has potential. Anyway, I am now the proud owner of a very famous Maya original that she painted that is on lease from her collection. I plan to feature it in my bedroom, so I am getting a nice splash of color and some culture as well. I went to her art show which was amazing! I loved all her stuff, it was by far the best and seriously some of those kids didn’t even try. I am the most unskilled boob on the face of the earth and even I could take a board, cut 2 holes in it, and pour paint all over it. What the crap is that? Modern art my ass. I am still waiting for Maya to do a nude portrait of me falling down a flight of stairs. I think it should be called “Rachel. Ascension.” I like it, but I realize you can make anything sound artsy by just adding “in motion” at the end. For example. “Apple: In motion,” “Urinal: In motion,” “Pus-filled bee sting: In motion.” Art aint so hard after all! Maya did this cool layered sculpture thing of a chick with a big booty and called it “Lillith” which is a nice title, but don’t you think “Traffic Jam Booty” would be more powerful? It evokes so much emotion! Or better yet, “Traffic Jam Booty in Motion.” I am proud to say, I have a mighty fine traffic jam booty. The other day I saw “The Fantastic 4” with Maya and Sean and I can say with no reservations it was a pile of crap. More like the MEDIOCRE TO MILDLY HORRIBLE 4! Ha, I am so droll. It was not good, the big rock guy just kept saying idiotic things like “flame on kid,” “it’s clobberin time,” you get the idea. Actually, I kinda like “flame on kid” I think I’m gonna steal that one. The only good part was the hot guy in it, but the other two main dudes were uggers. One was big and bald and uggers, seriously, only a few men can pull off the bald thing, example: Vin Diesel, and the main doctor guy actually looked like Marc Anthony after he’s had a good meal (since Marc Anthony looks like he is on crack all the time.) so that sums up my past few days, pretty exciting huh? I don’t know why I bother writing all this crap down because it really is of no interest, but it kills time. Man, the student health doctor I saw who gave me the antibiotics has called me twice since I saw her wed to tell me that the antibiotics decrease the effectiveness of my birth control. I must look like a raging whore! Well, I guess it’s better to look like I am getting some on a regular basis than like I am one step away from entering a convent. Along the lines of slutdom, I have to see my gyno before I go back to school for my annual Shana check-up but I waited too long to make the appointment so my doctor, Eunice Lee, is booked till November! I mainly go to her because she’s a chick and I feel bad for her because her name is Eunice, but since she’s booked, I have to see a dude! It pervs me out having some old man doctor getting to 8th base without even taking me to dinner. What kinda man becomes a gyno anyway? Doesn’t that mean he has some weird Freudian complex or is just such a shameless horn dog that his sexual obsession spills over into every domain of life? Oh well, I needs my sex pills so I’ll go, let him poke around, and then I can have all the sex I want, ideally. I bought a new shirt at American eagle the other day, a shirt I do not need, and I plan to wear it tonight with my uber-hoochie blue mini skirt even though Maya said I shouldn’t because it doesn’t match. HA! You and that bee don’t own this traffic jam booty!!!
Why do superheroes always have really lame names like, “Super Man,” “The Thing,” and “Invisible Girl?” If I ever get super powers I am going to call myself “Super Eugene.”
Richard Gere’s a perv, stuck a gerbil up his butt,
And you know what’s wack? They called that gerbil a slut!
It needs work, I’m the first to admit it, but it has potential. Anyway, I am now the proud owner of a very famous Maya original that she painted that is on lease from her collection. I plan to feature it in my bedroom, so I am getting a nice splash of color and some culture as well. I went to her art show which was amazing! I loved all her stuff, it was by far the best and seriously some of those kids didn’t even try. I am the most unskilled boob on the face of the earth and even I could take a board, cut 2 holes in it, and pour paint all over it. What the crap is that? Modern art my ass. I am still waiting for Maya to do a nude portrait of me falling down a flight of stairs. I think it should be called “Rachel. Ascension.” I like it, but I realize you can make anything sound artsy by just adding “in motion” at the end. For example. “Apple: In motion,” “Urinal: In motion,” “Pus-filled bee sting: In motion.” Art aint so hard after all! Maya did this cool layered sculpture thing of a chick with a big booty and called it “Lillith” which is a nice title, but don’t you think “Traffic Jam Booty” would be more powerful? It evokes so much emotion! Or better yet, “Traffic Jam Booty in Motion.” I am proud to say, I have a mighty fine traffic jam booty. The other day I saw “The Fantastic 4” with Maya and Sean and I can say with no reservations it was a pile of crap. More like the MEDIOCRE TO MILDLY HORRIBLE 4! Ha, I am so droll. It was not good, the big rock guy just kept saying idiotic things like “flame on kid,” “it’s clobberin time,” you get the idea. Actually, I kinda like “flame on kid” I think I’m gonna steal that one. The only good part was the hot guy in it, but the other two main dudes were uggers. One was big and bald and uggers, seriously, only a few men can pull off the bald thing, example: Vin Diesel, and the main doctor guy actually looked like Marc Anthony after he’s had a good meal (since Marc Anthony looks like he is on crack all the time.) so that sums up my past few days, pretty exciting huh? I don’t know why I bother writing all this crap down because it really is of no interest, but it kills time. Man, the student health doctor I saw who gave me the antibiotics has called me twice since I saw her wed to tell me that the antibiotics decrease the effectiveness of my birth control. I must look like a raging whore! Well, I guess it’s better to look like I am getting some on a regular basis than like I am one step away from entering a convent. Along the lines of slutdom, I have to see my gyno before I go back to school for my annual Shana check-up but I waited too long to make the appointment so my doctor, Eunice Lee, is booked till November! I mainly go to her because she’s a chick and I feel bad for her because her name is Eunice, but since she’s booked, I have to see a dude! It pervs me out having some old man doctor getting to 8th base without even taking me to dinner. What kinda man becomes a gyno anyway? Doesn’t that mean he has some weird Freudian complex or is just such a shameless horn dog that his sexual obsession spills over into every domain of life? Oh well, I needs my sex pills so I’ll go, let him poke around, and then I can have all the sex I want, ideally. I bought a new shirt at American eagle the other day, a shirt I do not need, and I plan to wear it tonight with my uber-hoochie blue mini skirt even though Maya said I shouldn’t because it doesn’t match. HA! You and that bee don’t own this traffic jam booty!!!
Why do superheroes always have really lame names like, “Super Man,” “The Thing,” and “Invisible Girl?” If I ever get super powers I am going to call myself “Super Eugene.”