(no subject)
I was going to visit my family last evening, to discuss my step fathers impending medical test results. I called my mother to find out the results were post poned. I weaseled out of showing up, then called back up and changed my mind id be there by 9.
I passed by 161st street was kind of sad, way to many memories there. Not many of them having to do with waiting for the train oddly enough, I pretened to be listening to my music, or fidgeted with my book instead my mind was quite a whirl, thoughts, memories, worries an almost franatic ebb and flow of cognition. Scared shitless about screwing up the apt, or work.
Work is going pretty well i suppose, my boss seems pleased enough. The dogs seem to like me, well most of them. I get along real well with my coworkers. Just terrefied of fuckiugn it up since i need it desperately. Not doing so hot at my college job always late.
I got out of the 4 train at Mosholou and started trecking to my parents, decided on a pre parent cigerrette. When i got in my mother had passed out and Michael and i talked for about an hour and half, then i gorged on food. I always miss talking with Michael, he always consoles me even when i have to lie about the living situation. That johnny is still around, i curled up in bed for a bit, my old room the current book room.
So weird i was such a misereble shit here for most of the time, lying all the time, clashing with my mother. Futzing up in school, all those nights depressed out of my head just staring at that ceiling. None of that seemed to float to the top, it was all the time i snuck in Joe while my parents where out, and we got to sleep in each others arms, or the times Arron and i just sat here stoned and laughing about his parents or sexual escapades. That time i stayed up untill six am to finish The Mists Of Avalon, the night i brought home my xbox. All the time i snuck out to hang with Johnny, its so weird to me how all these trivial moments seem to weave and tangle on each other, not the petty bad things but all the stuff you never think about when its happening. Most of my childhood and all of adoscence in this room.
I passed by 161st street was kind of sad, way to many memories there. Not many of them having to do with waiting for the train oddly enough, I pretened to be listening to my music, or fidgeted with my book instead my mind was quite a whirl, thoughts, memories, worries an almost franatic ebb and flow of cognition. Scared shitless about screwing up the apt, or work.
Work is going pretty well i suppose, my boss seems pleased enough. The dogs seem to like me, well most of them. I get along real well with my coworkers. Just terrefied of fuckiugn it up since i need it desperately. Not doing so hot at my college job always late.
I got out of the 4 train at Mosholou and started trecking to my parents, decided on a pre parent cigerrette. When i got in my mother had passed out and Michael and i talked for about an hour and half, then i gorged on food. I always miss talking with Michael, he always consoles me even when i have to lie about the living situation. That johnny is still around, i curled up in bed for a bit, my old room the current book room.
So weird i was such a misereble shit here for most of the time, lying all the time, clashing with my mother. Futzing up in school, all those nights depressed out of my head just staring at that ceiling. None of that seemed to float to the top, it was all the time i snuck in Joe while my parents where out, and we got to sleep in each others arms, or the times Arron and i just sat here stoned and laughing about his parents or sexual escapades. That time i stayed up untill six am to finish The Mists Of Avalon, the night i brought home my xbox. All the time i snuck out to hang with Johnny, its so weird to me how all these trivial moments seem to weave and tangle on each other, not the petty bad things but all the stuff you never think about when its happening. Most of my childhood and all of adoscence in this room.