KH AU: Institution XIII, 11
Warning: An increasingly awkward tangle of relationships between any two of the following -- Axel, Sora, Roxas, and Riku. Plus the long-awaited revelations and backstory! Also, word of advice, do not seek therapy from Xemnas.
Roxas waited on the dresser; it had the best vantage point of the bed, where Axel curled up with his eyes closed, sweetly oblivious to the outside world. Or at least, he was, until Dr. Dilan arrived to perform a quick cursory check of his room, and then shut the door behind him. The moment the door shut, Axel's eyes snapped open, and he glanced sidelong at the ceiling. When they heard the door to the next room shut heavily, Axel sat up and reached for the corner of his mattress, eyes bright in the darkness.
This was his favorite part. Roxas leaned forward on his knees to watch.
Axel drew out one of the matches he hid inside the mattress. It was one of the long, thin pipe matches that Roxas had stolen for him from Ansem's office and left in discreet places: on the windowsill, tucked in corners, on the roof where he sometimes went to smoke. Discreet little gifts for him, and he knew that Axel knew that they were gifts -- from the curious way he looked around before the match stole his attention again.
Taking his time, Axel lifted it and struck it quickly, dragging the head over his jaw and watching with delight as it sparked to life. He stared, riveted, into the little flame, and settled in to wait for it to burn.
Roxas watched him, the fascination in his gaze, the hunger and the eagerness in the lines of his body. He was beautiful like this.
"Tomorrow," Axel murmured to the match.
Tomorrow? That was familiar-- Roxas stirred his memory for anyone who might have said that, and then mused to himself, "Kairi is supposed to visit again tomorrow."
He froze as Axel's head suddenly jerked up, those lucid green eyes sweeping the room again, suspicious now, pausing on the dresser, looking straight at him.
Impossible, of course. Something else. He couldn't have heard. But Roxas hoped...
All the same, Axel put out the match with two fingers and then tucked it into the frame of his boxspring, curling quickly back onto the bed to feign sleep. Roxas watched him, waiting and slowly unwinding, but minutes ticked by and Axel did not move. He started to think that, really, perhaps Axel had gone to sleep.
Perhaps he had
(one day the boy just faded away)
actually heard...
He had to believe. Roxas could feel it. He was close, so close... Axel spoke to him as though believing he could hear, looked straight at him as though he knew. He was falling for the picture Roxas had Sora paint of him, smiled sometimes genuinely, admired the pluck of the invisible boy Sora talked about, a boy he couldn't find when he looked in Sora's eyes.
He was so close. Axel was so close...
Roxas slid off the dresser, very slow, just in case some miracle had occurred and he would be able to disturb Axel if he moved too fast or too loudly. He crept towards the bed, knelt beside it with his hands on the floor, leaning his chin so cautiously on the mattress. Axel didn't stir.
So close...
Roxas reached out to touch that sweetly sleeping face, hardly daring even to breathe, not wanting to shatter the perfect crystal of this moment, of this fragile hope.
His fingers passed through skin like water, and he shattered.
Sora woke with a start as Roxas flew into the room and practically dove onto the bed, twining and curling around Sora with hurried motions. "Wh, what is it," he stammered, awake now but so clueless. Roxas made a desolate sound in his shirt and Sora's fumbling hands bumped into the other boy's face and came away damp.
"So stupid," Roxas choked, burrowing closer, "so stupid and I thought I could do it and I couldn't, I couldn't touch him, oh god."
It didn't take much to put those clues together and realize what Roxas had done, where he'd been, and why he had dared open doors himself when they'd gotten kicked out of other institutions for 'deliberate and malicious attempts to prank the staff'. Sora curled around his friend, lips in his hair, and said reassuringly, "I'm here. It's okay. You're real -- I can hear you, and I can see you, and I can touch you. You're real. I'm here..."
Somehow they fell asleep like that, but more curiously, when Even woke Sora up the next morning, Roxas was gone. He dressed slowly, frowning and worried and trying not to show it. Maybe this thing with Axel was a bad idea. Maybe it was dangerous. After all, last night Roxas had been incredibly hurt when he tried to do something he should've known he couldn't do...
And part of Sora was worried that if Roxas doubted himself any more than he already did, maybe he really would just stop existing.
But that wasn't what happened, Sora told himself. That wasn't what had happened. Roxas was here, somewhere, he was sure. Just, for some reason, he'd felt like not being around Sora, even though after last night, it seemed strange that he wouldn't want to be with someone who would validate his existence--
"Oh," Sora said, brightening a bit. "Kairi's coming today."
Well, that explained everything.
Ansem escorted Kairi into the hospital, telling her cheerfully, "We've made great progress with Sora, actually. I think we know the root cause of his problem, so treatment can really begin."
"That's wonderful," she said, genuinely pleased.
She was really such an irreplaceable girl -- loyal and kind. Even after what Sora had done to her she believed in him, and even after all this time she came faithfully to see him. Ansem reminded himself again that he wasn't to try and set her up with Riku, but it couldn't hurt to put them in close quarters, right? Maybe he would notice some of those fine qualities.
"You know, my dear," Ansem began. "I just want to reassure you that these fantasies about Roxas... they'll pass. Sora is so determined to believe them that sometimes I almost believe him, but when he is at peace with himself, I'm confident that Sora will ditch this imaginary friend complex the way he's already left behind all his other childish beliefs."
There was a flicker of something in the corner of his eye -- as if he saw some sharp, possibly angry movement. He turned around quickly and frowned, searching for whatever patient was acting up, but there was no one anywhere in sight, no movement except the peaceful rustling of sun-dappled trees outside the window.
"I'm glad to hear you think that. Honestly, some of the other institutions were... Doctor?"
"Oh, sorry," he said, turning back to her with a faint smile. He must have imagined it. "I was hoping you and Sora and Riku could all eat lunch together this afternoon! He's getting along quite well with Riku, you know..."
People didn't realize the power that their words had. They told stories like they meant nothing, but Roxas knew that stories meant something. Once upon a time, after all, he had been a small boy at his grandfather's knee, and his grandfather had looked him in the eye and told him a story. He had said, "One day, the boy just faded away."
And then one day, he had.
After overhearing that thoroughly infuriating conversation, Roxas roamed the halls of the hospital, listless. Riku was an idiot with eyes only for Sora, and without Sora to take cues from, Riku ignored him just like everyone else. He couldn't see him. Only Sora could see him. Part of him wanted to find Axel, to just spend time in his presence and... relax, the way being with Axel always made him feel comfortable. But he couldn't do that. Not now.
Not after last night.
He sat with Namine, instead. The little blonde girl was humming to herself and kicking her legs and drawing, as she was always drawing, and she didn't look up when he joined her, but he still knew that she wasn't ignoring him -- a small smile touched her mouth as he slid onto the bench.
"How's it going?" he asked, not bothering to look at her since it wasn't like she'd notice or care anyway.
"Xemnas is here today," she said.
"Xemnas?" Maybe that was a family member, or something. He'd never heard the name before. Roxas scanned the room for anyone who looked like her, all blonde hair and wispy, but there was no one he didn't recognize.
"I made his jacket pretty." She hunched further over her paper, as if embarrassed to talk so much. "With stripes, and he liked it."
Roxas stiffened. That description fit someone he knew. "You mean, Dr. Xehanort? The shrink everyone says went crazy?" He got up, suddenly uneasy, and turned around to almost find himself nose-to-chest with a wild black-and-white striped straitjacket and the eerily intense man inside it.
Staring right at him.
Xehanort said softly, "Tell me a story."
What? How could he know, how could he possibly know. Roxas held his breath, thinking -- maybe he only seemed to be looking at Roxas, maybe he was talking to someone else, someone behind Roxas.
Xehanort did not seem to have to blink, the way normal people did. "I find that the stories my patients tell can help me understand them better. Tell me a story."
Those gold eyes were like a predator's, fixed on him and drawing the words out of him. Roxas stuttered a little, "There was -- a boy. Who lived with his parents, in a nice house, in a small town. J, just like you."
The fact that Xehanort was not a boy did not escape him, but that was how the story went, and it was the only story he knew.
"Fascinating," Xehanort said, so soft and hypnotic. "Go on."
He can really hear me, Roxas thought numbly. "And, um. His parents were very distracted, because they were very busy with work, and they didn't have a lot of time to spend with the boy, so it was -- it was like he lived alone. Like his parents didn't even know he existed."
Xehanort took a step closer, murmuring, "And then what?"
"...one day, the boy just faded away," Roxas whispered, leaning back against the table to escape him. Namine was looking up at them now, and she was frowning.
The rest of the room seemed to have faded into nothing; there was no sound, no movement, nothing except Xehanort's flat gold eyes and Namine's worried expression and this table where he was cornered by memories. "Did your parents forget about you?" Xehanort wanted to know. Why didn't he blink? How could he be so terrifying when he couldn't even use his arms?
"No," Roxas said, his fingers clenching on the table. "They-- they died-- My mom and my dad and my grandpa-- There was an accident..."
Oh god how long had it been -- how many aching and lonely years since the crash since everyone forgot him since he faded away -- before Sora found him?
A smile curved up the edge of that cruel mouth. "I think I see the root of your problems... May I suggest," Xehanort said softly, "blunt force trauma?"
Roxas waited on the dresser; it had the best vantage point of the bed, where Axel curled up with his eyes closed, sweetly oblivious to the outside world. Or at least, he was, until Dr. Dilan arrived to perform a quick cursory check of his room, and then shut the door behind him. The moment the door shut, Axel's eyes snapped open, and he glanced sidelong at the ceiling. When they heard the door to the next room shut heavily, Axel sat up and reached for the corner of his mattress, eyes bright in the darkness.
This was his favorite part. Roxas leaned forward on his knees to watch.
Axel drew out one of the matches he hid inside the mattress. It was one of the long, thin pipe matches that Roxas had stolen for him from Ansem's office and left in discreet places: on the windowsill, tucked in corners, on the roof where he sometimes went to smoke. Discreet little gifts for him, and he knew that Axel knew that they were gifts -- from the curious way he looked around before the match stole his attention again.
Taking his time, Axel lifted it and struck it quickly, dragging the head over his jaw and watching with delight as it sparked to life. He stared, riveted, into the little flame, and settled in to wait for it to burn.
Roxas watched him, the fascination in his gaze, the hunger and the eagerness in the lines of his body. He was beautiful like this.
"Tomorrow," Axel murmured to the match.
Tomorrow? That was familiar-- Roxas stirred his memory for anyone who might have said that, and then mused to himself, "Kairi is supposed to visit again tomorrow."
He froze as Axel's head suddenly jerked up, those lucid green eyes sweeping the room again, suspicious now, pausing on the dresser, looking straight at him.
Impossible, of course. Something else. He couldn't have heard. But Roxas hoped...
All the same, Axel put out the match with two fingers and then tucked it into the frame of his boxspring, curling quickly back onto the bed to feign sleep. Roxas watched him, waiting and slowly unwinding, but minutes ticked by and Axel did not move. He started to think that, really, perhaps Axel had gone to sleep.
Perhaps he had
(one day the boy just faded away)
actually heard...
He had to believe. Roxas could feel it. He was close, so close... Axel spoke to him as though believing he could hear, looked straight at him as though he knew. He was falling for the picture Roxas had Sora paint of him, smiled sometimes genuinely, admired the pluck of the invisible boy Sora talked about, a boy he couldn't find when he looked in Sora's eyes.
He was so close. Axel was so close...
Roxas slid off the dresser, very slow, just in case some miracle had occurred and he would be able to disturb Axel if he moved too fast or too loudly. He crept towards the bed, knelt beside it with his hands on the floor, leaning his chin so cautiously on the mattress. Axel didn't stir.
So close...
Roxas reached out to touch that sweetly sleeping face, hardly daring even to breathe, not wanting to shatter the perfect crystal of this moment, of this fragile hope.
His fingers passed through skin like water, and he shattered.
Sora woke with a start as Roxas flew into the room and practically dove onto the bed, twining and curling around Sora with hurried motions. "Wh, what is it," he stammered, awake now but so clueless. Roxas made a desolate sound in his shirt and Sora's fumbling hands bumped into the other boy's face and came away damp.
"So stupid," Roxas choked, burrowing closer, "so stupid and I thought I could do it and I couldn't, I couldn't touch him, oh god."
It didn't take much to put those clues together and realize what Roxas had done, where he'd been, and why he had dared open doors himself when they'd gotten kicked out of other institutions for 'deliberate and malicious attempts to prank the staff'. Sora curled around his friend, lips in his hair, and said reassuringly, "I'm here. It's okay. You're real -- I can hear you, and I can see you, and I can touch you. You're real. I'm here..."
Somehow they fell asleep like that, but more curiously, when Even woke Sora up the next morning, Roxas was gone. He dressed slowly, frowning and worried and trying not to show it. Maybe this thing with Axel was a bad idea. Maybe it was dangerous. After all, last night Roxas had been incredibly hurt when he tried to do something he should've known he couldn't do...
And part of Sora was worried that if Roxas doubted himself any more than he already did, maybe he really would just stop existing.
But that wasn't what happened, Sora told himself. That wasn't what had happened. Roxas was here, somewhere, he was sure. Just, for some reason, he'd felt like not being around Sora, even though after last night, it seemed strange that he wouldn't want to be with someone who would validate his existence--
"Oh," Sora said, brightening a bit. "Kairi's coming today."
Well, that explained everything.
Ansem escorted Kairi into the hospital, telling her cheerfully, "We've made great progress with Sora, actually. I think we know the root cause of his problem, so treatment can really begin."
"That's wonderful," she said, genuinely pleased.
She was really such an irreplaceable girl -- loyal and kind. Even after what Sora had done to her she believed in him, and even after all this time she came faithfully to see him. Ansem reminded himself again that he wasn't to try and set her up with Riku, but it couldn't hurt to put them in close quarters, right? Maybe he would notice some of those fine qualities.
"You know, my dear," Ansem began. "I just want to reassure you that these fantasies about Roxas... they'll pass. Sora is so determined to believe them that sometimes I almost believe him, but when he is at peace with himself, I'm confident that Sora will ditch this imaginary friend complex the way he's already left behind all his other childish beliefs."
There was a flicker of something in the corner of his eye -- as if he saw some sharp, possibly angry movement. He turned around quickly and frowned, searching for whatever patient was acting up, but there was no one anywhere in sight, no movement except the peaceful rustling of sun-dappled trees outside the window.
"I'm glad to hear you think that. Honestly, some of the other institutions were... Doctor?"
"Oh, sorry," he said, turning back to her with a faint smile. He must have imagined it. "I was hoping you and Sora and Riku could all eat lunch together this afternoon! He's getting along quite well with Riku, you know..."
People didn't realize the power that their words had. They told stories like they meant nothing, but Roxas knew that stories meant something. Once upon a time, after all, he had been a small boy at his grandfather's knee, and his grandfather had looked him in the eye and told him a story. He had said, "One day, the boy just faded away."
And then one day, he had.
After overhearing that thoroughly infuriating conversation, Roxas roamed the halls of the hospital, listless. Riku was an idiot with eyes only for Sora, and without Sora to take cues from, Riku ignored him just like everyone else. He couldn't see him. Only Sora could see him. Part of him wanted to find Axel, to just spend time in his presence and... relax, the way being with Axel always made him feel comfortable. But he couldn't do that. Not now.
Not after last night.
He sat with Namine, instead. The little blonde girl was humming to herself and kicking her legs and drawing, as she was always drawing, and she didn't look up when he joined her, but he still knew that she wasn't ignoring him -- a small smile touched her mouth as he slid onto the bench.
"How's it going?" he asked, not bothering to look at her since it wasn't like she'd notice or care anyway.
"Xemnas is here today," she said.
"Xemnas?" Maybe that was a family member, or something. He'd never heard the name before. Roxas scanned the room for anyone who looked like her, all blonde hair and wispy, but there was no one he didn't recognize.
"I made his jacket pretty." She hunched further over her paper, as if embarrassed to talk so much. "With stripes, and he liked it."
Roxas stiffened. That description fit someone he knew. "You mean, Dr. Xehanort? The shrink everyone says went crazy?" He got up, suddenly uneasy, and turned around to almost find himself nose-to-chest with a wild black-and-white striped straitjacket and the eerily intense man inside it.
Staring right at him.
Xehanort said softly, "Tell me a story."
What? How could he know, how could he possibly know. Roxas held his breath, thinking -- maybe he only seemed to be looking at Roxas, maybe he was talking to someone else, someone behind Roxas.
Xehanort did not seem to have to blink, the way normal people did. "I find that the stories my patients tell can help me understand them better. Tell me a story."
Those gold eyes were like a predator's, fixed on him and drawing the words out of him. Roxas stuttered a little, "There was -- a boy. Who lived with his parents, in a nice house, in a small town. J, just like you."
The fact that Xehanort was not a boy did not escape him, but that was how the story went, and it was the only story he knew.
"Fascinating," Xehanort said, so soft and hypnotic. "Go on."
He can really hear me, Roxas thought numbly. "And, um. His parents were very distracted, because they were very busy with work, and they didn't have a lot of time to spend with the boy, so it was -- it was like he lived alone. Like his parents didn't even know he existed."
Xehanort took a step closer, murmuring, "And then what?"
"...one day, the boy just faded away," Roxas whispered, leaning back against the table to escape him. Namine was looking up at them now, and she was frowning.
The rest of the room seemed to have faded into nothing; there was no sound, no movement, nothing except Xehanort's flat gold eyes and Namine's worried expression and this table where he was cornered by memories. "Did your parents forget about you?" Xehanort wanted to know. Why didn't he blink? How could he be so terrifying when he couldn't even use his arms?
"No," Roxas said, his fingers clenching on the table. "They-- they died-- My mom and my dad and my grandpa-- There was an accident..."
Oh god how long had it been -- how many aching and lonely years since the crash since everyone forgot him since he faded away -- before Sora found him?
A smile curved up the edge of that cruel mouth. "I think I see the root of your problems... May I suggest," Xehanort said softly, "blunt force trauma?"