KKM AU: "No Questions Asked"
Warnings: S/S. Weighty ponderings about the Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything, meets its most dangerous enemy yet: Silly Fluff. And the winner is...
He had never asked what enlightenment was like. For one thing, he had never met an enlightened man to ask -- only men and men who were seeking. He didn't need to ask. He would know it when he found it; he would be at peace with all the world and with himself.
Enlightenment was not resentment and fear. It was not a despair that drove men to murder. He had known that, and yet, caught too deep in the well of his emotions to escape, he could see no other way out.
He remembered with painful clarity the moment when he tipped the contents of the little vial into the goblet of wine that he brought to the king each night.
His hands were perfectly steady.
"Ken!" A duffel landed on his arm, and he cringed away, opening his eyes to scowl up at his cheerful lover. Lukas grinned down at him cheerfully from behind the couch. "Get up, slacker. We're going for a walk."
They meandered through the park, Rufus racing ahead and barking excitedly in the hopes that they'd move faster. Ken shouldered the duffel bag, which Lukas was apparently rendered incapable of carrying himself by virtue of his hands being totally occupied by being in his pockets.
"I believe that employment doesn't excuse you from slackerhood," the blond said, confident. "It's a state of mind."
"I fall into that state of mind because I like having a nap on my one day off after a 50-hour work week?"
"I don't know how you want to nap on a day like this."
Ken had to concede that the weather was very nice, but he wasn't so sure he agreed with the rest of the logic. "Well," he said dryly, "it might have something to do with the 50-hour work week."
They wandered over to a thin copse of trees, straying off the path to Rufus's delight. Ken dropped to the base of one of them and refused to move, enduring an amused look from Lukas. Maybe he would nap here.
Without another word exchanged, Lukas settled himself nearby, his back to another tree and legs stretched out to nudge Ken's feet gently. The dark Mazoku smiled.
This was how it was. Part of him had always believed (hoped?) that he would have a second chance at what he had thrown away. But even that wistful part of him had never thought it would be like this.
Confessions and apologies didn't hover at his lips. Questions and doubts never seemed to touch Lukas. Neither of them had ever breathed the word 'poison'. By some odd unspoken agreement they hardly even mentioned the lives they had once lived. The voice inside of Ken that longed to confess, to explain what couldn't be explained, and be forgiven what couldn't be forgiven... that voice was still there, but he had long ago stopped listening to it.
Let the past be behind us. Let this be our new life.
"So now what do we do?" Ken wanted to know. Rufus jumped at him and he obligingly rubbed the shaggy creature's head until something more interesting tore him away.
Lukas grinned. "Open the duffel," he suggested.
He gave the taller man a skeptical look over his glasses but Lukas was unimpressed, so Ken tugged the duffel bag from where he'd tossed it and pulled open the zipper. Inside were tupperware containers, napkins, plastic silverware, and assorted articles wrapped in aluminum foil.
"A picnic?" he said, surprised.
"Yes, my love, my ridiculous martyr," the blond intoned with more dryness than any one person had a right to. "A picnic."
Ken hadn't the faintest idea how Lukas had managed to put all this together without his noticing. There was tuna just the way he liked it and crackers to eat it with; the fried rice that he was always nagging for Lukas to make, and some tender chicken "to flavor"; there was an entire container of strawberries, which was hideously tempting. If left to his own devices, he might eat nothing but strawberries until he was sick.
The afternoon was all warm sun and sweet touches, a borderline sensuality that, from the spark in Lukas's bright eyes, would be a promise fulfilled when they were home again. It was intoxicating, this kind of contentment. They were a world away from everything they'd ever known, but they carried their own private world between them, and as long as they had that, Ken suspected they could be happy anywhere.
"You've wandered off," Lukas murmured afterwards. They were too stuffed to move and were lying on the grass, the blond staring up at the sky from his comfortable nest in the crook of his lover's arm. Rufus was sound asleep in the ruins of the chicken they'd spared him.
Ken stroked the taller man's hair slowly, letting it brush through his fingers as if it had a life of its own. "I'm right here."
"No... You've wandered off. What are you thinking about?"
Do it! Apologize! said the voice urgently. I was thinking about questions no one ever asked, and the lives we left unfinished, and poison.
He shivered slightly, and Lukas twisted to lie on one side and curl an arm around him, tugging him closer to warm him from some imaginary chill. Ken smiled into his hair and played with the wavy gold strands.
"I was thinking about enlightenment," he said.
Lukas snorted, an inelegant sound that nearly made him laugh again. "That sounds like pretty heavy thinking for a full stomach. You're not going to leave me to run off and join some Tibetan monastery, are you?"
"No." Ken smiled further. "I like my hair."
"Good, we're agreed on that much."
Didn't the Buddhists say that wanting was the root of all evil, and wanting enlightenment was in and of itself a barrier to finding it? Perhaps he had never been so wise as he thought he was. Struck by the sudden thought, he asked, "What do you think enlightenment is?"
Lukas paused for a long moment. He knew enough about Ken's thoughtful moods to take the request seriously, although he seemed to be disinterested in it at best. "Well, I'd assume it's kind of... an unshakeable certainty in your place in the world. You know, where you belong, what your purpose is, where you're going... When you know all of that, without needing any help from anyone else to tell you what to do or give your life meaning, and no one has the power to take that away from you... That's the kind of person that I would call enlightened."
The answer was unexpected in its simplicity and startled him. "What, no supreme understanding of the universe?"
"Who cares about the universe?" Lukas said, amused. "If you're confident in your place, doesn't the rest of the universe sort of just take care of itself?"
"I suppose that it does." Ken thought about that for a moment, and found himself smiling again. It made sense, after all. "I suppose we're pretty enlightened people, are we?"
"Sure we are." Lukas chuckled.
No questions. There was no need to go back and make things difficult by dragging up ghosts of the past, of rehashing old stories and opening old scars, because Lukas was perfectly content with where he was right now. Perhaps he was closer to enlightenment than Ken had given him credit for.
For his own part, in the wake of all of his sins and all his suffering, Ken thought that he had never been more at peace with himself, or with the world, than he was right now.
He had never asked what enlightenment was like. For one thing, he had never met an enlightened man to ask -- only men and men who were seeking. He didn't need to ask. He would know it when he found it; he would be at peace with all the world and with himself.
Enlightenment was not resentment and fear. It was not a despair that drove men to murder. He had known that, and yet, caught too deep in the well of his emotions to escape, he could see no other way out.
He remembered with painful clarity the moment when he tipped the contents of the little vial into the goblet of wine that he brought to the king each night.
His hands were perfectly steady.
"Ken!" A duffel landed on his arm, and he cringed away, opening his eyes to scowl up at his cheerful lover. Lukas grinned down at him cheerfully from behind the couch. "Get up, slacker. We're going for a walk."
They meandered through the park, Rufus racing ahead and barking excitedly in the hopes that they'd move faster. Ken shouldered the duffel bag, which Lukas was apparently rendered incapable of carrying himself by virtue of his hands being totally occupied by being in his pockets.
"I believe that employment doesn't excuse you from slackerhood," the blond said, confident. "It's a state of mind."
"I fall into that state of mind because I like having a nap on my one day off after a 50-hour work week?"
"I don't know how you want to nap on a day like this."
Ken had to concede that the weather was very nice, but he wasn't so sure he agreed with the rest of the logic. "Well," he said dryly, "it might have something to do with the 50-hour work week."
They wandered over to a thin copse of trees, straying off the path to Rufus's delight. Ken dropped to the base of one of them and refused to move, enduring an amused look from Lukas. Maybe he would nap here.
Without another word exchanged, Lukas settled himself nearby, his back to another tree and legs stretched out to nudge Ken's feet gently. The dark Mazoku smiled.
This was how it was. Part of him had always believed (hoped?) that he would have a second chance at what he had thrown away. But even that wistful part of him had never thought it would be like this.
Confessions and apologies didn't hover at his lips. Questions and doubts never seemed to touch Lukas. Neither of them had ever breathed the word 'poison'. By some odd unspoken agreement they hardly even mentioned the lives they had once lived. The voice inside of Ken that longed to confess, to explain what couldn't be explained, and be forgiven what couldn't be forgiven... that voice was still there, but he had long ago stopped listening to it.
Let the past be behind us. Let this be our new life.
"So now what do we do?" Ken wanted to know. Rufus jumped at him and he obligingly rubbed the shaggy creature's head until something more interesting tore him away.
Lukas grinned. "Open the duffel," he suggested.
He gave the taller man a skeptical look over his glasses but Lukas was unimpressed, so Ken tugged the duffel bag from where he'd tossed it and pulled open the zipper. Inside were tupperware containers, napkins, plastic silverware, and assorted articles wrapped in aluminum foil.
"A picnic?" he said, surprised.
"Yes, my love, my ridiculous martyr," the blond intoned with more dryness than any one person had a right to. "A picnic."
Ken hadn't the faintest idea how Lukas had managed to put all this together without his noticing. There was tuna just the way he liked it and crackers to eat it with; the fried rice that he was always nagging for Lukas to make, and some tender chicken "to flavor"; there was an entire container of strawberries, which was hideously tempting. If left to his own devices, he might eat nothing but strawberries until he was sick.
The afternoon was all warm sun and sweet touches, a borderline sensuality that, from the spark in Lukas's bright eyes, would be a promise fulfilled when they were home again. It was intoxicating, this kind of contentment. They were a world away from everything they'd ever known, but they carried their own private world between them, and as long as they had that, Ken suspected they could be happy anywhere.
"You've wandered off," Lukas murmured afterwards. They were too stuffed to move and were lying on the grass, the blond staring up at the sky from his comfortable nest in the crook of his lover's arm. Rufus was sound asleep in the ruins of the chicken they'd spared him.
Ken stroked the taller man's hair slowly, letting it brush through his fingers as if it had a life of its own. "I'm right here."
"No... You've wandered off. What are you thinking about?"
Do it! Apologize! said the voice urgently. I was thinking about questions no one ever asked, and the lives we left unfinished, and poison.
He shivered slightly, and Lukas twisted to lie on one side and curl an arm around him, tugging him closer to warm him from some imaginary chill. Ken smiled into his hair and played with the wavy gold strands.
"I was thinking about enlightenment," he said.
Lukas snorted, an inelegant sound that nearly made him laugh again. "That sounds like pretty heavy thinking for a full stomach. You're not going to leave me to run off and join some Tibetan monastery, are you?"
"No." Ken smiled further. "I like my hair."
"Good, we're agreed on that much."
Didn't the Buddhists say that wanting was the root of all evil, and wanting enlightenment was in and of itself a barrier to finding it? Perhaps he had never been so wise as he thought he was. Struck by the sudden thought, he asked, "What do you think enlightenment is?"
Lukas paused for a long moment. He knew enough about Ken's thoughtful moods to take the request seriously, although he seemed to be disinterested in it at best. "Well, I'd assume it's kind of... an unshakeable certainty in your place in the world. You know, where you belong, what your purpose is, where you're going... When you know all of that, without needing any help from anyone else to tell you what to do or give your life meaning, and no one has the power to take that away from you... That's the kind of person that I would call enlightened."
The answer was unexpected in its simplicity and startled him. "What, no supreme understanding of the universe?"
"Who cares about the universe?" Lukas said, amused. "If you're confident in your place, doesn't the rest of the universe sort of just take care of itself?"
"I suppose that it does." Ken thought about that for a moment, and found himself smiling again. It made sense, after all. "I suppose we're pretty enlightened people, are we?"
"Sure we are." Lukas chuckled.
No questions. There was no need to go back and make things difficult by dragging up ghosts of the past, of rehashing old stories and opening old scars, because Lukas was perfectly content with where he was right now. Perhaps he was closer to enlightenment than Ken had given him credit for.
For his own part, in the wake of all of his sins and all his suffering, Ken thought that he had never been more at peace with himself, or with the world, than he was right now.