a birdseed shirt.
i just can't stop inventing
her last words, or his to her. if he cried, held her. told her he loved her
if she told him
doesn't everyone always say that before they die?
"i love you."
i wonder if that's the most muttered phrase from dying lips.
death is the most fascinating thing about life.
i still remember the last time i saw her.
it was in jacks' backyard, two summers ago. i think it was jacks' birthday party.
i ended up there randomly. i stayed for a really brief period in time before calling amanda to pick me up.
shortly before amanda got there, i saw her.
a million memories, like always.
i was so happy to see her.
she told me i should call her when i was around
her number was the same even though she moved
but i always had plans. i never got around to it.
i regret that so much now, &i don't even believe in regret.
i can't help but wonder how things would be now that i've moved back.
would we hang out now as often as we did before i moved?
i spent lazy afternoons in her house on crosby, nights in her bedroom chainsmoking
sometimes i dragged jenn along with me because i was nervous.
i remembered everything
how she told me she wanted to be asked out
"will you go out with me?" written on a cigarette
i thought it was the cutest idea for years after.
the note fallon wrote me, that i still have today.
outside of mike's house.
then everywhere else.
i had a lot of my first experiences with her, &i guess that's why she sticks with me so much today.
a lot of it also goes back to not knowing what you have until it's gone.
&really, that's what makes me wonder the most.
why can't we appreciate the things we have now, &try to keep them?
why can't we tell someone we love them every second we feel it?
why can't we be honest with ourselves &each other?
why can't we just LISTEN?
[tonight, as i was beside your sleeping body
i wanted to tell you one million times
that i love you more than anyone has ever loved anything
&you are beautiful in every sense of the word
&just being able to touch you the way i touch you
has meant more to me than any other thing in the entire world.
does that mean anything to you?
it means everything to me.]
&she was only seventeen. she would be nineteen today.
how can someone so young just
not exist.
there are just some things we won't understand until we are
dead.
happy birthday, chucka.
her last words, or his to her. if he cried, held her. told her he loved her
if she told him
doesn't everyone always say that before they die?
"i love you."
i wonder if that's the most muttered phrase from dying lips.
death is the most fascinating thing about life.
i still remember the last time i saw her.
it was in jacks' backyard, two summers ago. i think it was jacks' birthday party.
i ended up there randomly. i stayed for a really brief period in time before calling amanda to pick me up.
shortly before amanda got there, i saw her.
a million memories, like always.
i was so happy to see her.
she told me i should call her when i was around
her number was the same even though she moved
but i always had plans. i never got around to it.
i regret that so much now, &i don't even believe in regret.
i can't help but wonder how things would be now that i've moved back.
would we hang out now as often as we did before i moved?
i spent lazy afternoons in her house on crosby, nights in her bedroom chainsmoking
sometimes i dragged jenn along with me because i was nervous.
i remembered everything
how she told me she wanted to be asked out
"will you go out with me?" written on a cigarette
i thought it was the cutest idea for years after.
the note fallon wrote me, that i still have today.
outside of mike's house.
then everywhere else.
i had a lot of my first experiences with her, &i guess that's why she sticks with me so much today.
a lot of it also goes back to not knowing what you have until it's gone.
&really, that's what makes me wonder the most.
why can't we appreciate the things we have now, &try to keep them?
why can't we tell someone we love them every second we feel it?
why can't we be honest with ourselves &each other?
why can't we just LISTEN?
[tonight, as i was beside your sleeping body
i wanted to tell you one million times
that i love you more than anyone has ever loved anything
&you are beautiful in every sense of the word
&just being able to touch you the way i touch you
has meant more to me than any other thing in the entire world.
does that mean anything to you?
it means everything to me.]
&she was only seventeen. she would be nineteen today.
how can someone so young just
not exist.
there are just some things we won't understand until we are
dead.
happy birthday, chucka.