(no subject)
i feel a bit lost. or something. i'm not sure what.
this college stuff is just eating me up, though. a lot. it's so hard to decide... i really don't even know what the deciding factor will be. ugh. this is stupid. i should have gotten into berklee...... i think it's because i'm not hardcore enough. i don't mean to sound like a douchebag, but i think i may have been too smart and not "virtuoso" enough. whatever. i'll probably reapply next year and hopefully i'll get in and i can transfer if i still want to go there.
i just have to figure out what i'm going to do for now. it's probably going to be either wesleyan or depauw.
besides all the college shit, it's really hard to be motivated about school anymore. i'm feelin' the senioritis bad. *sigh* i just have to suck it up and keep doing the work so i can actually go to college. heh.
i'm also still a little worried about liz and i. i found a new facet to my worries that i knew had been there but i hadn't been able to put my finger on it - i'm kind of worried she'll get too independent and realize she doesn't need me anymore or something... but i need her so bad. and i think she needs me too. i'm just a little scared. ugh.
i still have like 4 months left. i'll make the most of them!!! it's just so hard because we hardly see each other without discussing it any more. why?! because. we're thoughtful people, that's why.
fuck.
and by the way, the sky decided to tear apart and spill its guts to me tonight. i saw its deepest, darkest secrets! and i'll tell you what it is: illinois weather is fucked.
woo-hoo! i'm going to bed. i'm tired as all get-out.
this college stuff is just eating me up, though. a lot. it's so hard to decide... i really don't even know what the deciding factor will be. ugh. this is stupid. i should have gotten into berklee...... i think it's because i'm not hardcore enough. i don't mean to sound like a douchebag, but i think i may have been too smart and not "virtuoso" enough. whatever. i'll probably reapply next year and hopefully i'll get in and i can transfer if i still want to go there.
i just have to figure out what i'm going to do for now. it's probably going to be either wesleyan or depauw.
besides all the college shit, it's really hard to be motivated about school anymore. i'm feelin' the senioritis bad. *sigh* i just have to suck it up and keep doing the work so i can actually go to college. heh.
i'm also still a little worried about liz and i. i found a new facet to my worries that i knew had been there but i hadn't been able to put my finger on it - i'm kind of worried she'll get too independent and realize she doesn't need me anymore or something... but i need her so bad. and i think she needs me too. i'm just a little scared. ugh.
i still have like 4 months left. i'll make the most of them!!! it's just so hard because we hardly see each other without discussing it any more. why?! because. we're thoughtful people, that's why.
fuck.
and by the way, the sky decided to tear apart and spill its guts to me tonight. i saw its deepest, darkest secrets! and i'll tell you what it is: illinois weather is fucked.
woo-hoo! i'm going to bed. i'm tired as all get-out.