The Kohler-Wielle Legacy 2.3: GO GO KITTENS
CAUTION: Strong Language, Adult Themes, Commentary written by a chick who's unhealthily addicted to Antiques Roadshow...
Need to catch up? Kohler-Wielle Archive
The hood and everything in the universe on my old computer, Kurumi, went KERSPLODIE. Everything was PAINFULLY FULL OF PAIN and I handily just got a new computer, Midori. WOO!! SO! The Kohler-Wielles opened a dimensional time door and stepped into another world. Another world that contains TOWNIE ELVES and fresh delicious new default replacement/genetic skins/eyes/face replacements/lack of maxis. Still working on townifying clothes ^_^;; But still: SEXCELLENT!
So excited was I that this that when the first NPC the game auto-created turned up before I'd had a chance to generate townies/downtownies, I damn near erupted out of my skin. BEHOLD!! AN ELF! He's got a geneticized not default skin, he's got PURPLE GENETICIZED EYES AND.... Dun Dun DUNNN...! He's the GARDEN CLUB REP!
SHIT YES ELFIN GARDEN CLUB REPRESENTATIVE, REPRESENTING!!!
OH! And while they were all traversing time and space in their little covered wagon, Craven & Lyna, simultaneously the WORST and most sickeningly IN LUUURVE vampires that ever walked the earth, had a little baby.
They named her Peaches and when she became a teen they turned her into a vamp. She LOVES being a vamp, and never once rolls the want for vamprocillin unlike her love-struck parents. Who, I repeat ARE THE WORST VAMPIRES IN THE WORLD! >_<;;; Its midday, they're up and about. After spending the ENTIRE MORNING sleeping in their coffins fart hearting in each other's general directions, they instantly get up in the middle of the day so they can have love huggle snogging first thing. Then they decide to have a pillow flight, and then they want to go play catch. YAY YAY CATCH IN THE MIDDAY SUN BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH..!!
FAR. OUT, YOU. TWO.
*downloaded DJSims sleep till 7pm hack because it was driving me crazy*
YOU NEED TO LIVE FOREVER GUYS, OKAY?! NO DYING PREMATURELY.
So this is the house that Cube built... Yeah, he wasn't wasting time while his future wife was book learning. He was busy becoming a rich and powerful Senator. REALLY RICH. Amusingly the entire time this house was being built, I was watching a black and white movie about Abraham Lincoln's rise to power and how it effected his personal life. LOL.
I realised, after everything had been designed and landscaped within an inch of its life that I hadn't left any space to put a lemonade stand.
No learning about commerce in their formative years for Valencia's future kids! Value of money? PHE! WHAT'S THAT!?
And their yard from the back. Yes, I know, its another beach lot. I'm obsessed. xD See the lovely yellow home across the street? YES Valencia can has living across the street from her parents. xD
Oh, because I never really did it before in any of my sims stories and such: Ooooh impromptu tour... :D This is the open plan living/dining/kitchen area, though you can just see part of the living area and the dining table at this point. I was mega excited to use the dead tiger rug and the antler chandeliers. I may/may not have been watching Beauty & The Beast not long before this was made and so kept fangirling over the Gaston song and his skills at using antlers in all of his decorating.
PS: The Sims 2? NEED. MOAR. ANTLER.
The modern yet countrystyle kitchen. I'd kill for a kitchen like this in real life. NUMMY NUMMY NUMMY.
V and Cube don't have an en suite, this is their bathroom that's positioned off of the kitchen. There's another bathroom in the house as well more towards the future kid's oriented part of the house. This room got a little bit of a makeover not long after this as it turned out that even though that cupboard was on a diagonal and sims can normally phase right through diagonal stuff, they apparently lose the ability when stairs are involved. 45ºangles are harder to negotiate than long division.
And long division is HARD. Can you long divide? Cause if you can you just became my honest to god hero. I'm not even sure if I can do addition... *looks at fingers and is completely perplexed as to how many I have*
Toilets on stages. A CLUE FOR WHAT IS TO COME..!
Part of the master bedroom. The 'main event' part ;) Yes their bed is also on a stage. For altogether different reasons for the toilets to be on stages. V+Cube, their bed romps are so epic they require PROPER reverence.
I'd LOVE a bedroom like this one day too. Maybe I just want to live in this house O_O;;
*says nothing about what's lurking on the near side, aka Cube's side, of the bed*
RIKKALUMA SLIPPERRRRRRRS /subterfuge
So the house complete, Cube and Valencia moved in and INSTANTLY V was hit by lightning. I was TERRIFIED that this whole generation was over before it began, but thankfully she was left alive. NOT THE GREATEST OF STARTS! Well, in terms of a happy, balanced home.
Awesome for granny underpant spotting lols, however. ^_^;;
First burning bush of the hood/generation! Wooooo! Thankfully this one put itself out unlike the burning bush that took out Craven with its godly presence ^_^;;
World? Meet Carrots Cuthbert. He's orange in every way and will never be dyed green with dye bought from peddlers on the side of the road. Unless V's kids swing that way when and if they're born. (IF?!? O_O;;; THIS IS A LEGACY, THERE BETTER BE KIDS, THE NEXT CHALLENGE DEPENDS ON IT..!).
Whilst Valencia got cleaned up and her nerves settled after the initial scare at the hands of SimThor, Cube fixed them both bowls of cereal. Proof that opposites attract, apparently Cube finds getting showered in semi saturated crunchy nut cornflakes to be a MASSIVE turn on. He's a Kelloggs crunchy nut?
*hurts self for going down the horribly lame advertising catch phrase road*
*dons hair shirt*
WOO brilliantcat !! The ONLY person to show up for the welcome wagon, because I hadn't properly followed the rules for new townie creation ^_^;; WHOOPS! That got fixed later.. Other things that got fixed later included PUTTING EYEBROWS ON CAT! O_O;;; I dunno where the hell hers went but maybe they got exploded on her journey over here? O_O;;
I made her as herself this time around instead of Kirby and the triplets (though I miss them! ;_;) she lives with three siamese-esque cats named Polenta, Fox and Squid, and recently got herself two new incredibly anachronistic roomies. :D
Carrots? I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure chili is not good for little kityen bellehs.
You know what else is bad for kittens? HUUUAAAG LEGS OF LAMB THAT ARE BIGGARRRRS THAN THE KITTENS! Dude don't sit there! WHAT IF IT FALLS AND CRUSHES YOU?!?! Its a sad, undignified way to go. For a kitten.
PLEASE LET IT BE RECORDED ON OFFICIAL RECORD:
brilliantct is NOT a concert Pianist.
I ended up turning off the sound cause it was so bad, but I didn't have the heart to make her stop cause she looked SO happy to be plinking away at those ivorys. And I already denied her eyebrows, albeit accidentally ^_^;; There's no excuse for eyebrow denial.
Time for a parallel universe family outing! Craven rang up to ask if Cube wanted to go downtown for a bit o partay-ing, and I thought why the HAYAAAAELLL not. LOL at the party, Craven, Lyna, Peaches, Cube & Valencia. And wher did they go?
Why, the vampire nightclub, WHERE ELSE?! Lyna, Craven. WORST vamps ever + the most cliche in the universe. Oh, and I keep catching them eating cake. No blood.
Just cake. No lie.
V: Hey, my parents are jumping each other's bones again...
Cube: They really make the most of that whole not having to breathe thing, ne?
V: Yeah. Snog off?
Cube: Snog off.
Possibly one of the most disturbing street orgies you'll ever see. Also, the most mary-sue filled. Main character who's *sparklesparklePERFECTLY BEAUTIFULsparklesparkle* has a snog off against her vampire father & step-mother with her own insatiable, massively rich and powerful elf fiance.
Oh yeah. Next thing you know V'll be hearing everyone's thoughts, have the ability to control the dead, have the local wereleopard population laying their lives down to protect her and be changing her name to Faery Ravyn Jennifyr Aeris Serverus Elizabetteth Honey Moon Snape. Or Wesley.
Uh... *backs away*
Crypto's bar tender either believe's he's got a date with kicking the shit out of a hobo before going home to his flatmate, Alexander, OR he's quite convincingly auditioning for a modelling gig with some dude named Magritte.
Bartender Alex Son: *has cold serial killer eyes*
Back of Bartender Alex Son's head: *bes surprisingly redikolus*
Roof of Crypto Nightclub: *is following the yellow brick road*
THIS tanned blonde bombshell is named Tai Golden. WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU WHEN I WAS DOING I LOVE YOU DEATH?! HUH?!?! Mein gott. I guess if she WAS going to show up all blonde and thematiclike, now was the safest time.
She's also suffering from NOT-DELETED ENAYLA SKIN! BAAAH!!!! Those damn conflicting default replacements, insidious and looong lasting.... I eventually VICTORIOUSLY found the damn things with the help of bootcamp & download organiser, simsforaranya's urging and simkittensims 's hand holding. So now I guess Tai Golden's tan is gone and she's a white woman now. ^_^;; DownloadOrganizer, sapping sims' melanin since '07.
Valencia, is also a victim of Enayladom, which is amusing since she had pooklets in the old hood. But its okay, since she was already S2, when I finally fixed it there was no change except she ceased being so SHINY. HUZZAH.
Oh, So what's going on in here and why do they look so secretly smug with themselves? Observe pinstripe curtain to the right. Trying for baby. In the photobooth. *check*
Trying for baby. In the photobooth. With the entire nightclub including your blood relatives cheering you on. *check*
CRAVEN! So dramatic. *giggies* What you don't see is the other hand weilding a staplegun. He wants the grandkiddies, and he wants em BAAAAAAD. Notice that EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG, including little Peaches, is thinking about Cube? The world loves him. THE WHOLE WORLD. Right now they all wish it was them he was trying to impregnate instead of his meant-to-be fiance. Well TOO BAD! HE ONLY HAS EYES FOR VALENCIA, AND THAT'S HOW ITS GONNA STAY!
I don't even have to enforce that, the man thinks her farting is endearing >_<;;
While we're noticing things...
Family resemblance much? Oh look! The ceiling's come back from obtaining a heart! I assume he ripped it out of the Wizard's chest like any self respecting vampire ceiling would want to do.
Who's up for round two??! I've not forgotten that this IS a legacy, and these two don't mind taking one.. Or twenty for the team. Plus the rest of their party either has their tongues shoved down each other's throats or is sucking on random downtownies so its not like they all don't have their mouths hands full. ^_^
I just wanted to interrupt our regularly schedule Kohler-Wielles to bring you the INSANITY that is brilliantcat's cats. They're tiny siamese-esque contortionists and I wouldn't be surprised if there's a SPATE of impossible burglaries about town all committed by felons that can get through cat flaps and only slightly cracked-open windows without leaving a trace of fingerprinted evidence nor sim dna behind.
Also, Cat? Honey? Do you have a weird turn out there? Should we book you to a podiatrist or something? *worried about the state of those mary janes*
Peaches, my love? Your parents who fail to grasp simple concepts like 'day bad, twilight pretty' (or at the very least shiny), have run back across the street to their coffins.
Don't you uh...? Have somewhere to be?
Throwing cats into the air = surefire way of getting your eyes scratched out. HOW do sims get away with this?! O_O;;;
PS: I forever love V's epic nose <3333333
ZOMG! My first matchmaker in fresh hood. She's PRETTY!!! HELLO PRETTY MATCHMAKER! :D Come to sell Valencia some freshly squeezed juju?
HOW DID THIS DOG GET IN THE HOUSE?! And uh... They're making friends. Carrots isn't about to have dog for breakfast, and I don't see any slates for him to smash over the puppy's head... ^_^
Oh hey, thanks for that "friend." Carrots wtf why DIDN'T you slam a slate over that canine's tiny non-robot mind?
THIS IS WHAT COMES OF REPEAT-OFFEND CHILLI EATING! BAAAAAH into cushions, a rug AND carpet. Awesome trifecta, Carrots >_<;;
When I remade V and Cube in this hood all their MASSIVE bolting for each other for some reason wouldn't take even though they both embodied each other's turn ons like nobody's business (people always reject perfection?! IDEK). SO! Its time for some Objectify-me-like-I'm-this-succulent-meat-we've-hung-above-the-counter Juice! Squeezed daily by hundreds of little matchmakers and brought fresh to your door ^_^
Meanwhile in the workshop room... CUBE HAS CREATED.... DAISIES!! Awww his adorable expression of accomplisment. <333 Bless his little cotton socks.
And after a downing of the magical pink glowing liquid of mysticism and meat marketry, Valencia's been transformed into an adult, redheaded version of Astrella. UNSURPRISINGLY Cube cannot resist.
Valencia: *bes all aphroditelike* LOVER! What were you crafting in there?
Cube: Why, I was crafting a runed copper rod, I just DEed the fridge, and then I DEed our toaster and NOW! Now I'm going to DE your pants!
Valencia: *giggles* Is that before or after you put on your robe and wizard hat?
Cube: I CANNAE DON THEM! They've already been DEed!
(This was not a slightly paraphrased conversation involving myself, moonlapse and lemon_lime35 at ALL ^_^;;)
Ladies and gentlemen! Definitive proof that Cube has mastered Runed Copper Rod proficiency. The lullaby jingle. It chimes with a vengeance. GEN THREE, HAS BEEN DEPOSITED!
Mhmmmmmm! Honey you're so full of babyshake you'll burst! -- In 72 sim hours ^_^;;
WTF crazy arse teen townie... Makes friends with Valencia and whilst her back is briefly turned while she giddily remembers that morning's wake up nookie, she plots DESTRUCTION on a hydrangea bush.
Mhmmm.... I think the teens of this town need to get out more.
I LOVE and adore these bathers for Valencia. Check out her buttcheek. HEIR PANTS!
So about now I decided they better get married before the baby gets born out of wedlock and has the wrong last name. (Except I made them both in the same house so Cube's already Kohler-Wielle but SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH k? WE WANT PRETTY WEDDING).
Valencia in full hostess mode fixed a tray of cocktails for the guests, and then decided to TAKE UP DRINKING. O_O;;; Never touched a drop in her life and now she's pregnant she's decided NOW'S THE TIME.
OH HELL GIRL >_<;;; I guess I should thank you for creating future insanity in your kids but seriously? Straight from the bottle on your wedding day? Anybody'd think you didn't WANT this with all of your wants.
WHO'S THE CLASSIEST HEIR THAT EVER GRACED A WEDDING CEREMONY?! Yellow burp. NOT GENERATIONALLY THEMATIC, V! *deducts house points*
BUT! Considering your parents were invited to this shindig, turned up, snogged each other on your door step then RAN HOME - presumably to shag each other senseless - before anything even started I'm going to give you leave to get totally tanked at your wedding.
WTH LYNA AND CRAVEN?! WHISKEY. TANGO. HOTEL... HOLY MOTHER THAT'S EXACTLY HOW THAT'D ROLL >_
I present a very HOT, very happy Cube. At the altar, wedding the love of his life.
SQUEALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!! *fans self*
Valencia: With this bling...
Cube: *bes giddy*
Chairs in background: *be empty*
Valencia: ... I thee wed...
Valencia: With my body, I thee worship...
Cube: HELL YES YOU DO!! *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*
Oh hell Cube. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Angie is a lovely zombie. And she approves of her briefly-kind-of step-daughter's union. In a picturesque pleased kind of way. <33333 She may/may not live with Craven, Lyna and Peaches as their Igor... I know, kind of cruel since she was MARRIED to Craven and all that. But they wiped her memory and she forgot all about that. Now she spends all her time fangirling over Cube when she's not guarding their crypt in the daytime. ^_^
Well, actually, she fangirls over him WHEN she's guarding their crypt in the daytime.
*tears and squees of joy* So it was written, so shall it be. *otps these two so hard*
Cat! Looking GORGEOUS there girl! You really know how to fill a corset! OH LOOK! YOU HAVE EYEBROWS!! Angie's jealous of your eyebrows. Look at her, plotting to throw her Valencia brand mohito all over your pretty silk blouse. Guess she knows it was at YOUR urging she was turned into a zombie... ^_^;;
Peaches, darling? I know that you're going to live forever as a teen. In four hundred years you'll look EXACTLY the same and by then could probably distill your own whiskey from raw ingredients in your undead belly.... But that doesn't mean you're not still only fourteen now and therefore UNDERAGE! o_O;;;;;;; I guess if your chaperone Angie is there and you ARE at your half-sister's wedding you are in a safe environment but... D:
So you know where they're all looking? What they're all looking at with forlorn gazes filled with longing? What their heads were all filled with but now only Cat bears the proof of?
Oh god yes, Cube.
*fifties poodle-skirt wearing groupie squeal*
Oh maaan someone get that vamp off the sauce?! ONE mohito and she's decided to convince the world that shes a RRRRRLLLSCRRRRRRREEEH VMMMPRRRRRR...!
Darling, no one's buying. Pretty much everyone here saw your birth and Cube back there taught you how to walk. Lay off the solvents, k?
Valencia would like to take this moment to remind us all that she is: ADORABLE.
*stares deeply into her pretty pretty eyes*
And the Cube infatuation continues... Whilst he stands oblivious to the idolatry and his new bride autonomously mixes the party more drinks and then goes straight for the vodka bottle in the most masculine way she can muster.
In the rain.
With a mouth open as wide as that I feel she's somehow managed to work out how to pour that stuff straight down her oesophagus and directly into the blood stream... Do not pass go, no need to trifle with such useless and alcohol delaying trivialities such as SWALLOWING.
I guess that's a skill Cube'll be glad for in the limo.. I DON'T EVEN KNOW... O_O;;
NO, V!!! I AM NOT INFERRING ANYTHING, PLEASE DONT HURT ME.
Yes I'm sure it DOES build character... But your mother never once touched a drop and look how you turned out... OH WAIT. You may be onto something... But um.. Still, to be on the safe side, are you sure that bottle's plastic? *cowers*
DON'T YOU EVER UPSET THE BRIDE ON HER WEDDING DAY GUYS! SHE'LL GO MEDIEVAL ON YOUR ARSE AND TAKE DOWN TOKYO! >_<;;
And now, instantly, she's serenely beautiful again. HOLY CRAP, she grew bipolar in the move between alternate dimensions.
SIM COMMENTARY WIN! THANKS V!
I hate the beach in real life. I hate sand. I hate salt-water. I would never purposefully hold an event on the beach, though I'm told I'll be a sort-of-bridesmaid (she has too many sisters and friends, they're all just gonna be IN the wedding xD) of a friend of mine ON the beach. The things I do for love.
ANYWAY, even though I hate all that stuff... There's just something stupidly romantic about everyone standing in the foam that makes my heart melt. ♥
That's uh.. An interesting amount of forehead you're showing off there, Cabbie... Is it just me or should limo drivers wear something a little bit more... Formal than a tan shirt?
INTERESTING CHOICE, EAXIS.
HOLY CRAP! We've reached the end of an update, and how do we leave it? Why, with Cube dancing to Thriller in the backseat of the limo while he awaits his inebriated redheaded bride. She'll join him shortly, she just needed that one, last, BOTTLE of vodka. With a side of orange, you know, for the vitamins. She's got growing foetuses in side of her, DON'T YOU KNOW?!
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