Dear Journal,
I don't update enough, I don't think.
So, to make up for it I'm going to try and post a large entry about the things that have happened since the seventh of June, starting with my writing.
Hardly. Any. At. All.
A paragraph or three, some sentences and an attempt to revive my old roleplaying habits which is so far failing.
The only thing I can say I have accomplished in the way of writing is the final end of my two to three year and previously abandoned project Olanzapine.
Olanzapine: overly flamboyant and patchily written fanfiction consisting of 24 chapters of an average 1, 500 words in length each.
Fandom: Naruto and, in keeping with the rest of my Naruto fanfiction, it is of the homosexual pairing Naruto/Sasuke with entries of Gaara in a sexual nature for both characters.
You can read it, if you can get over the choking bad literacy of the first half of the story, |here|.
The other writing I have partaken in has been the beginnings of a World War 1 AU of the same fandom and pairing similar to War however with fewer scary blocks of text and more chapters. If I continue it it will be multi-chaptered. I also think that I will take into account the advice of many individuals and write some chapters before posting any so that I may have a back up for if the writers block hits, which it probably will.
As my writing declines however, my reading escalates. I have been pouring over books, sometimes finishing them in under a day, and am currently buckling down to immerse myself in Mien Kampf. Hitler's autobiography of considerable length, dullness and lack of skill. The introduction and translators notes themselves take up more than 100 pages but have so far proved very interesting.
My reading list for the summer holidays, which officially start tomorrow, are as follows:
- A Little History Of The World - Gombrich
- The Color Purple - Alice Walker
- The Buddha of Suburbia - Hanif Kureishi
- Norwegian Wood - Haruki Murakami
- Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
Perhaps I will not finish all of these books, however The Color Purple is essential for schooling purposes. Sixth Form will be snapping at my heels by September proving my results coming this August 24th permit my entry.
I'm excited, and even now I sit with a stupid grin on my face as I consider the possibilities, the fun and the knowledge I will gain throughout the next two years.
After some last minute changes I have signed up for Sociology, History, English Lit&Lang and Art, all of which I'm very happy to be taking next year, though Sociology may prove difficult for me as I do not know many people and already I must interview five adults of varying age and sex. I only know three and one will be of no use as they only recently moved to England from Spain.
So, yes, I am out of school, out of work and out of my mind with stir craziness. I have become irritable, lazy and have put on a lot of weight since the last day of uniformed school I will ever encounter. I cannot say that being free of responsibility is at all good for me. All I want to do is learn and learn and learn and force myself back into talking to people. My isolation is acting negatively on my health and I am becoming paranoid. Hopefully I will force myself from this self-induced segregation with a small party for my upcoming birthday on the 6th. Just me, some friends and some booze for I will be legal to have some (though it hasn't stopped me before).
I will finally be entering the realms of legality. I can marry with my parents permission, move out of the house with my parents permission, have sex, drink, work, even enter the lottery. I would like to tell myself that I'm not excited by that, however unlike many people I see age as something important. I am judged as soon as I say 'I'm fifteen' as being young, ignorant and infatuated with Twilight, however at the age of 16 perhaps things will change slightly. I hope they will.
Just as a side note; I loathe Twilight.
Another thing that is happening over the summer is the redecoration of my room, or rather the decoration of my room. Beforehand the old flowers painted around the window were left and to them I added plenty of drawings and memories plus a large amount of posters which have dismantled themselves with my change in taste over the years. Not we are whiting out all of the graffiti and in its place having a clean white room with a relatively French aura. So far the money spent is already in the thousands. I think that my taste is too expensive :|
But it will be worth it. I will finally have a space that will belong to me and not to the other people who have come into my room. I will also be rid of what little and dreadful paintings I attempted 3 years ago. Due to my recent burst in drawing and my allowing myself to indulge in an Art A-level I have improved greatly over the years and now feel that I can smile at my work and present it to friends and family without having to shove aside any and all compliments. It feels good to feel good.
My final note is that, after a year, I have gained a case worker and a place in a therapy group which will be starting this September. I wont say much on the matter as it is still early days, however I will say that I'm extremely happy to have the support I expected back in February, even if it is very very late.
And now, to end this rather clinical and distant entry which I feel bad about wording in such clipped tones, have a cute video:
So, to make up for it I'm going to try and post a large entry about the things that have happened since the seventh of June, starting with my writing.
Hardly. Any. At. All.
A paragraph or three, some sentences and an attempt to revive my old roleplaying habits which is so far failing.
The only thing I can say I have accomplished in the way of writing is the final end of my two to three year and previously abandoned project Olanzapine.
Olanzapine: overly flamboyant and patchily written fanfiction consisting of 24 chapters of an average 1, 500 words in length each.
Fandom: Naruto and, in keeping with the rest of my Naruto fanfiction, it is of the homosexual pairing Naruto/Sasuke with entries of Gaara in a sexual nature for both characters.
You can read it, if you can get over the choking bad literacy of the first half of the story, |here|.
The other writing I have partaken in has been the beginnings of a World War 1 AU of the same fandom and pairing similar to War however with fewer scary blocks of text and more chapters. If I continue it it will be multi-chaptered. I also think that I will take into account the advice of many individuals and write some chapters before posting any so that I may have a back up for if the writers block hits, which it probably will.
As my writing declines however, my reading escalates. I have been pouring over books, sometimes finishing them in under a day, and am currently buckling down to immerse myself in Mien Kampf. Hitler's autobiography of considerable length, dullness and lack of skill. The introduction and translators notes themselves take up more than 100 pages but have so far proved very interesting.
My reading list for the summer holidays, which officially start tomorrow, are as follows:
- A Little History Of The World - Gombrich
- The Color Purple - Alice Walker
- The Buddha of Suburbia - Hanif Kureishi
- Norwegian Wood - Haruki Murakami
- Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
Perhaps I will not finish all of these books, however The Color Purple is essential for schooling purposes. Sixth Form will be snapping at my heels by September proving my results coming this August 24th permit my entry.
I'm excited, and even now I sit with a stupid grin on my face as I consider the possibilities, the fun and the knowledge I will gain throughout the next two years.
After some last minute changes I have signed up for Sociology, History, English Lit&Lang and Art, all of which I'm very happy to be taking next year, though Sociology may prove difficult for me as I do not know many people and already I must interview five adults of varying age and sex. I only know three and one will be of no use as they only recently moved to England from Spain.
So, yes, I am out of school, out of work and out of my mind with stir craziness. I have become irritable, lazy and have put on a lot of weight since the last day of uniformed school I will ever encounter. I cannot say that being free of responsibility is at all good for me. All I want to do is learn and learn and learn and force myself back into talking to people. My isolation is acting negatively on my health and I am becoming paranoid. Hopefully I will force myself from this self-induced segregation with a small party for my upcoming birthday on the 6th. Just me, some friends and some booze for I will be legal to have some (though it hasn't stopped me before).
I will finally be entering the realms of legality. I can marry with my parents permission, move out of the house with my parents permission, have sex, drink, work, even enter the lottery. I would like to tell myself that I'm not excited by that, however unlike many people I see age as something important. I am judged as soon as I say 'I'm fifteen' as being young, ignorant and infatuated with Twilight, however at the age of 16 perhaps things will change slightly. I hope they will.
Just as a side note; I loathe Twilight.
Another thing that is happening over the summer is the redecoration of my room, or rather the decoration of my room. Beforehand the old flowers painted around the window were left and to them I added plenty of drawings and memories plus a large amount of posters which have dismantled themselves with my change in taste over the years. Not we are whiting out all of the graffiti and in its place having a clean white room with a relatively French aura. So far the money spent is already in the thousands. I think that my taste is too expensive :|
But it will be worth it. I will finally have a space that will belong to me and not to the other people who have come into my room. I will also be rid of what little and dreadful paintings I attempted 3 years ago. Due to my recent burst in drawing and my allowing myself to indulge in an Art A-level I have improved greatly over the years and now feel that I can smile at my work and present it to friends and family without having to shove aside any and all compliments. It feels good to feel good.
My final note is that, after a year, I have gained a case worker and a place in a therapy group which will be starting this September. I wont say much on the matter as it is still early days, however I will say that I'm extremely happy to have the support I expected back in February, even if it is very very late.
And now, to end this rather clinical and distant entry which I feel bad about wording in such clipped tones, have a cute video:
Click to view