(no subject)
I just had a horrible last two hours. My ex kept calling me, an absolute mess, threatening to kill himself or run away forever. I WANT him to be happy, I don't want him to be depressed because all I can think about is food. I found out he took a bunch of pills yesterday. He used to be addicted a year ago, and I know he hasn't touched them since then.
It's so hard to try and live a happy life, yet deal with this 'disease' at the same time. Sometimes I want to try and 'recover' (ha!), others I want to eat until I absolutely explode and never have to deal with anything again, and even others I want to starve until I am perfect or until I die.
I feel like some sort of sick, twisted person, because I realize that all of this stress is only contributing to me getting thinner.
It's so hard to try and live a happy life, yet deal with this 'disease' at the same time. Sometimes I want to try and 'recover' (ha!), others I want to eat until I absolutely explode and never have to deal with anything again, and even others I want to starve until I am perfect or until I die.
I feel like some sort of sick, twisted person, because I realize that all of this stress is only contributing to me getting thinner.