When You'll Decide
Would it be too maudlin to say...I wish I were missed?
No matter how nicely I dress, how well each strand of hair fits into place, how tidy and flattering my makeup is...I come home to the fucking wreck of an apartment my mother somehow sees adequit to call a "home" I rely on my composure to get me through the day, and it has been to no benefit. I don't even want to leave my room anymore. I must be sick, always in bed, killing off the hours until Spencer calls each evening. How can he believe in me so much when I can hardly believe that I breath?
I feel like fiction. I often wish I had never known anyone. Give me life in reverse. Play back all under-parenting, disapointing friendships; for each heartbreak I'll fall in lust at the end. Unwind it all until I am nothing short of perfection; unborn.
This is just pathetic. Bury me.
I don't want any more god damned acquantences. I don't want people telling me they miss me only when I'm shoved under their noses. I wish they'd just do what they mean to and tell me off. Fucking liars.
The number of people I honestly believe I can trust can be counted on one hand, and they're scattered all over the Northwest.
No matter how nicely I dress, how well each strand of hair fits into place, how tidy and flattering my makeup is...I come home to the fucking wreck of an apartment my mother somehow sees adequit to call a "home" I rely on my composure to get me through the day, and it has been to no benefit. I don't even want to leave my room anymore. I must be sick, always in bed, killing off the hours until Spencer calls each evening. How can he believe in me so much when I can hardly believe that I breath?
I feel like fiction. I often wish I had never known anyone. Give me life in reverse. Play back all under-parenting, disapointing friendships; for each heartbreak I'll fall in lust at the end. Unwind it all until I am nothing short of perfection; unborn.
This is just pathetic. Bury me.
I don't want any more god damned acquantences. I don't want people telling me they miss me only when I'm shoved under their noses. I wish they'd just do what they mean to and tell me off. Fucking liars.
The number of people I honestly believe I can trust can be counted on one hand, and they're scattered all over the Northwest.