Does anybody know?
What...is this?
Is my apathy triggering my anxiety, or is my anxiety triggering apathy? It's like falling down, down, down a spiral staircase and every other step is either overwhelming or entirely void of animation. I can't decided whether to hide my face in my hands or chew them off. It feels almost sociopathic...am I really this far gone in my head that I'm trying to diagnose myself? Good god, that's not me!
Today is an off day...well, yesterday was an off day too, but at least this week I'm running from a raincloud instead of a forest fire; last week I was simply rage-ful.
The light at the end of the tunnel: Tomorrow is Megan's birthday, and it seems I'm invited, so there's a step forward. Also, neato Bobby from 6th period W. Cultures Honors made talk of trying to kick off a band. I would be stoked. I hope he gets back to me on that.
Today I feel like crap. Nothing new, just bleh. I'm unwashed and not at home and the Theraflu is too hot to drink yet. Wah wah wah.
I try not to think too much about Ashland. There's a lot that I miss. But now that I've been gone so long there's so much that I just don't want to see, friends and family turned ugly, ugly parts of myself, heartbreak. I keep dreaming lately...I don't normally dream, or remember them anyway, but I do now. I had a dream about Stuart, and I woke up with the idea in my head that I would see him that day. And then I remembered that he'd decided not to talk to me anymore. Serves him just swell I'll bet to forget about me. I would try to forget too if I were him...but I miss him and I wish he didn't have such a lousy, near-sighted attitude about my advice.
I can't pop my bubble. I can't open my mouth. I can't stop chewing on my lip. I can't drink my Theraflu. I can't stop WHIIINING!!! Good news..ok...productive, productive, positive, constructive...I started writing another story...I'm still knitting...I'm doing my laundry...I bought hair-dye-ish stuff. Ahh...there it is! I always feel better after a good change of appearance, even if it's just a little one. I keep wanting to cut my hair...and it's such a hard urge to resist!!! But I know I'll just want to grow it back out again It's just so BOOOORING!!!
I always blog when I'm at my grandmother's house...nothing else to do I suppose. My Theraflu has cooled down enough.
Homecoming is this month (jesus it's OK-TOE-BUR) which I hate because I associate Homecoming Week with Battle of the Bands and I'll bet there's no Stadium B.O.B and if there was it would most likely SUCK. I think I'm going with Megan, or if I feel so inclined I my ask someone, but I don't really know if I even want to go at all.
Christ I'm boring stop reading this!
Is my apathy triggering my anxiety, or is my anxiety triggering apathy? It's like falling down, down, down a spiral staircase and every other step is either overwhelming or entirely void of animation. I can't decided whether to hide my face in my hands or chew them off. It feels almost sociopathic...am I really this far gone in my head that I'm trying to diagnose myself? Good god, that's not me!
Today is an off day...well, yesterday was an off day too, but at least this week I'm running from a raincloud instead of a forest fire; last week I was simply rage-ful.
The light at the end of the tunnel: Tomorrow is Megan's birthday, and it seems I'm invited, so there's a step forward. Also, neato Bobby from 6th period W. Cultures Honors made talk of trying to kick off a band. I would be stoked. I hope he gets back to me on that.
Today I feel like crap. Nothing new, just bleh. I'm unwashed and not at home and the Theraflu is too hot to drink yet. Wah wah wah.
I try not to think too much about Ashland. There's a lot that I miss. But now that I've been gone so long there's so much that I just don't want to see, friends and family turned ugly, ugly parts of myself, heartbreak. I keep dreaming lately...I don't normally dream, or remember them anyway, but I do now. I had a dream about Stuart, and I woke up with the idea in my head that I would see him that day. And then I remembered that he'd decided not to talk to me anymore. Serves him just swell I'll bet to forget about me. I would try to forget too if I were him...but I miss him and I wish he didn't have such a lousy, near-sighted attitude about my advice.
I can't pop my bubble. I can't open my mouth. I can't stop chewing on my lip. I can't drink my Theraflu. I can't stop WHIIINING!!! Good news..ok...productive, productive, positive, constructive...I started writing another story...I'm still knitting...I'm doing my laundry...I bought hair-dye-ish stuff. Ahh...there it is! I always feel better after a good change of appearance, even if it's just a little one. I keep wanting to cut my hair...and it's such a hard urge to resist!!! But I know I'll just want to grow it back out again It's just so BOOOORING!!!
I always blog when I'm at my grandmother's house...nothing else to do I suppose. My Theraflu has cooled down enough.
Homecoming is this month (jesus it's OK-TOE-BUR) which I hate because I associate Homecoming Week with Battle of the Bands and I'll bet there's no Stadium B.O.B and if there was it would most likely SUCK. I think I'm going with Megan, or if I feel so inclined I my ask someone, but I don't really know if I even want to go at all.
Christ I'm boring stop reading this!