Secret Whispers ~ Chapter Thirteen | part two

[fighter_of_moon]

PART ONE



Jin slowly lifted his hand to touch his redden cheek but didn’t show any sign of how much this hurt. “And what?” he spitted the words with a venomous voice. “You’ll hurt me more than this?” he mocked Kazuya, laughing a little and looking mad, crazy, beyond. “You’ll tell me again that you love me and then you’ll leave me in the morning after I fucked you? Been there, done that, baby.” He said with a smirk and a much too pleasing expression.

Kazuya steeled and recomposed himself because he wasn’t supposed to be like this, no, he wasn’t. “Then I’m glad you found the answer to your question.” He replied with once again an impenetrable expression and retreated to the couch. He wasn’t going to dwell on things he was already over and Jin won’t change his resolve.

Jin remained on his spot, looking for the second time that night too shocked to say anything at all. He watched Kazuya as he took back his place on the couch and how he looked totally unbothered by what had just happened. “That you never loved me?” he asked with a loud voice, clearly wanting to make fun of Kazuya. “That you only used me to get to Ryo and go up the ladder then you’d dump me? Yeah, now I know.” He said and let his body fall in front of the desk with a deep sigh, his back supported on it.

Kazuya closed his eyes and refused to say anything, because no matter what words he was going to say, they will only aggravate the situation. And maybe in a way, Jin was right in his thinking. The younger stretched his body and occupied the whole couch, hiding his face between his arms and the back of the couch. He so wished to be alone right now.

But of course, Jin continued to talk. “I just don’t understand why you did that.” He said, now with a calmer voice as he remembered the events of their last day spent together. “I don’t get it why you said you loved me, why did you sleep with me if you already knew you were going to leave me the next day.” He laughed but his laughter seemed hollow, lacking of any emotion or feeling. “And you can’t lie to me that I wasn’t your first, because I felt that when you were in my arms, when I was kissing you and you were smiling back at me.” he continued, not wanting to give Kazuya the chance to ruin even this for him - not that he thought the younger would even bother to talk.

“Just because you were the first, it doesn’t make you special.” Kazuya said with a muffled voice, his head still facing the couch.

“No, it doesn’t.” Jin agreed with a small smile on his lips. “But the fact that you had chosen me and had had enough faith in me to trust me with this is more than special.” He said with what sounded to be a little cheerfulness in his voice.

Kazuya laughed and turned to look at Jin. “You really love to fool yourself, don’t you? It was just sex, a body connection. Don’t read too much into an action that I was curious about.” He said with a mocking tone. “And I chose you because you were stupid enough to say you love me.” The younger added, his words sweet as poison. And they cut deep.

Still, Jin’s expression didn’t change. He had been ready for those words this time and he had learned in the past few minutes that this wasn’t the Kazuya he used to knew and love. This Kazuya seemed cruel and hateful and Jin had no idea why it was so. “It wasn’t just sex and you know it as well as I do.” Jin replied, the small smile still on his lips as he stood up and looked through the room to find a bar. He knew that there had to be one or at least a bottle of something as Ryo wasn’t that different from him when it came to such things. He yelped in victory when his eyes fell on the whisky bottle which seemed to have been forgotten somewhere behind the books and Jin took it out, opening it and taking a big gulp of it. He was going to need it. “Because I still don’t get why you needed to do all of that if you were going to leave me the next morning anyway.” he shrugged and walked towards the couch, holding the bottle high for Kazuya to see. “Want some?” he asked with a silly grin and giggled a little.

Kazuya looked at Jin and then at the bottle, seeming to be thinking a bit. “Yes.” He replied and took the bottle as soon as Jin handed it towards him. He pretended to lift it to his lips before turning to the couch’s arm and pouring all the alcohol on the plant that was there. He felt sorry for the poor plant, but if he let the bottle then Jin would have gotten drunk and this was the last thing he wanted in that night.

“Somehow, I knew you were going to do that.”Jin laughed, seemingly not impressed at Kazuya’s actions as he turned his back on the younger again and took out another bottle from the same place. “There were two actually.” He said with a playful and whispered voice, acting like a child as he took another big gulp from the new bottle, but not moving near Kazuya this time. It was obvious that he wanted to drink - a lot - to be able to deal with this situation so he hurried to take as much as he could before the younger one would come once more and take the bottle from him. He needed courage, he needed something to cloud his mind as he will continue to hear these hurtful words from the one he loved most.

Kazuya gritted his teeth and stood up, his hand out-stretched towards Jin. "I want you to give that to me." He demanded with a firm voice.

“And who are you to tell me what to do?”Jin asked with a laugh, turning with his back on Kazuya and drinking some more. Oh, if this was going to annoy Kazuya, then Jin was really anxious to do it and even more up for it.

Taking a deep breath, Kazuya slid in front of Jin and grabbed the bottle, pulling it towards him, though Jin wouldn’t let go of it that easily. “I just don’t want others to find you dead drunk in Ryo’s building.” Kazuya said with a calm voice, though you could sense a certain hiss.

“I won’t be dead drunk!” Jin denied with a loud shriek even if it was kind of obvious that he was already starting to feel tipsy, fighting Kazuya off and managing to run from him in the other corner of the room. The power of the drunk people, baby. “It’s not your business what I do anymore, right?!” he yelped, this time the whisky clouding his judgment and letting his eyes clearly express the pain he was feeling. He sobbed and took the bottle again to his lips.

Kazuya growled and there was a fight inside of him. He didn’t want to get closer to Jin anymore than he had done, but if he let the stupid drink, then the following morning would be a total mess and he didn’t want to have anyone put the blame on him. That was why despite his better judgment - the one that said to stay away from Jin - Kazuya went to him, taking once more the bottle from the other’s lips. “It is my business since you’re with me right now and you’re going to cause me problems.” He said and there was a slight anger in his voice.

“Oh, we wouldn’t want the perfect Kazuya Kamenashi to get into trouble because of the stupid and idiot Jin Akanishi, now would we?” the older yelled and turned around as he did some flip-flops on the floor, barely standing on his own feet because of the booze and anger and hurt and all the other feelings he was having at the moment. “We wouldn’t even dare.” He laughed maliciously and jumped on Kazuya, throwing an arm around his shoulders and leaning all of his weight on him just because he could - and more exactly, because he couldn’t stand by himself already.

“Idiot!” Kazuya hissed and tried to hold Jin, moving a few steps back and feeling how the bottle slipped from his fingers and rolled on the floor with a muffled thud, all the alcohol slowly pouring on the carpet. “Look what you’ve done, you stupid!” The younger said and tried to look after the bottle, not to step onto it and fall. Though Jin wasn’t helping at all, letting himself so heavy over him and moving constantly. “Stay still!!” Kazuya hissed and put his hands on Jin’s waist, digging his nails into the material and looking at the actor.

Jin giggled and looked like he didn’t care at all about what was Kazuya saying. He just grinned and brought now both of his hands on the younger’s shoulders, laughing and acting like a child. “Can’t.” he said and giggled into Kazuya’s ear. “Don’t know how to stop.” He added, his lips now touching the boy’s ear as Jin started to get closer and closer to Kazuya in his drunken behavior. Then, without a warning, his feet lost their last strength and Jin fell on top of Kazuya, bringing the younger down with him and both of them falling to the floor in a tangled mass of limbs and clothes.

Kazuya groaned as he hit the floor, his mind trying to cope with what happened in the last few moments. Did Jin just kiss his ear? Did his body react at this? Did they just fall down and Jin was still on top of him? All of this was circling around Kazuya’s head before the reality finally settled in too.

Yes was the answer and Kazuya pushed Jin away, kicking his legs free from the older one’s. “I hope that you can stop now.” He said with a grumpy voice and made an attempt to lift himself up.

Jin didn’t try to stop him and just looked with glassy eyes at Kazuya, watching him and thinking how he was getting more far and far away. “Why did you leave me, Kazuya?” he asked no one in particular, looking at no one in particular as he cuddled on the cold floor and brought his legs to his chest, hugging them tightly.

Kazuya looked down at Jin and seemed to ponder on something. “Because we were wrong.” He finally gave an answer, not like the others from earlier when all he had done had been to show his displeasure of talking about such things.

“Wrong?” Jin asked and lifted his head a little to look up at Kazuya, his eyes founding the younger’s for what seemed to be the first time after three years. “I loved you.” He said with a broken voice and let his head down, not wanting to see anymore those hurtful brown eyes that had once managed to make him go crazy with just a glance. “I still love you.” He confessed and hugged his legs even more, closing his eyes and breathing steadily.

Kazuya froze on his spot and unconsciously, his hands balled into fists by his side. He stared at Jin for a few moments before letting his body relax and his mind empty of all the memories brought by just the last words of Jin. He bent and grabbed the actor’s shoulder, shaking him a bit. “Get up and lie on the couch.” Kazuya said with a soft voice, sounding just a bit different than earlier.

“Don’t wanna…” Jin whined like a child, though his voice was a little sleepy. After all, his first stop after a flight from America to Japan had been Ryo’s office and the hours spent on the plane, the nervousness he had felt thinking he was going to meet his lover again and the disappointment to know that he wasn’t the one Jin had been expecting for… plus the booze, it made Jin’s head feel heavier than ever and his eyelids were slowly refusing to answer to his commands.

“Jin, don’t you sleep on me!” Kazuya said immediately and shook the older a little, not letting him slip into dreamland. But even as he said so, he grabbed the older and pulled him towards him; if necessary, he’ll drag him to the couch. Despite their relationship, Kazuya wasn’t that heartless to let him sleep on the floor. And he never realized that he called the actor by his surname.

Jin chuckled in his sleep and held onto Kazuya, throwing all of his weight on the younger yet again as he searched for the warmth he had missed so much. Still, he didn’t make any attempt to stand up and just sat there on the floor, keeping the boy with him and nuzzling his nose into Kazuya’s arms and sighing happily. “I got drunk so easily.” He stated with an excited voice and started laughing of himself.

“This I can see.” Kazuya replied and pulled Jin up, making him lean more on him, the younger cursing silently. “You’ve gotten fat.” He remarked to a dozing off Jin, aware that the actor was barely listening him. With great effort, he moved together with Jin towards the couch.

“I’m not fat!” Jin shot back, whining yet again and sulking as he tried to keep up with Kazuya and go to the couch. Then he laughed. “I haven’t eaten well since the last time I saw you.” He said through giggles, not wanting anyone to think that he was fat because he couldn’t stop his stomach from yearning too much. “It must be the vitamins…” he sighed dramatically and in a moment of carelessness, he forgot what he was doing and let go completely of Kazuya, falling on his back.

“Jin!” The younger said with an upset voice as he almost fell on top of the actor. “God, you’re still the good-for-nothing.” He sighed and grabbed Jin by his arms and began to pull him towards the couch, finally getting closer to it. Now he had to climb Jin onto the couch. He made Jin lean his back against the couch as he moved in front of him, one leg on each side of the actor. He sighed and looked at the drunken Jin. He bent once more, grabbing him by the waist and lifting him a little, just enough to climb the older on the couch. Really, why did he have to get stuck with Jin in one of Ryo’s offices and on top, while being drunk?

Jin could have answered to that question for Kazuya if he had been sober enough. But he wasn’t, he was already dead drunk after drinking a little too much whisky while being tired and sad, so he did the only thing a drunken person would do. He grabbed Kazuya’s shoulders and pulled the boy towards him, Kazuya falling perfectly into his arms and Jin turning them a little so that he had the younger pressed between his body and the back of the couch, his arms surrounding his form and keeping him there with a leg settled above Kazuya’s waist.

Jin sighed contently and closed his eyes, ready to sleep.

“Oh no!” Kazuya said with a high-pitched voice and moved frantically under Jin. “Oi, wake up!!” he poked Jin in his ribs, proceeding then to tickling, hoping that he’ll wake the older one way or another. He’d do anything to have Jin on the couch and himself as far away as possible from the older.

But there was no response from Jin except for the deep breathing which showed to Kazuya that the actor had really fallen asleep and there were little chances to have him woken up right now. The younger struggled just a bit more before finally giving up and realizing that Jin won’t budge and let aside wake up.

“Damn you.” Kazuya cursed and let his head fall on the couch, now looking at the ceiling. It’s been three years since they had been this close, huh?

*

To be honest, Jin hadn’t really expected to find Kazuya next to him when he woke up the next morning so he wasn’t surprised at all to find that he was alone in the room and that the door seemed to be locked on the outside, the key dangling on the doorknob. Jin couldn’t help but scoff at the way Kazuya had taken care that no one would find him there and that no one would barge on him when he was still sleeping. A perfect way to avoid giving any awkward explanations, Jin had to hand it to him.

He gave up for the time being at his little talk with Ryo and just called a cab to go home and sleep some more to chase away that terrible headache that seemed to be killing him slowly. Either way, he wouldn’t know what to say as he couldn’t really think in that moment, not before taking a shower and drinking his morning coffee. He couldn’t help but laugh too as he realized that Kazuya must have thought of this and that was why he hadn’t had any problem to leave him alone, knowing that Jin would just go home for the day.

It was laughable how well Kazuya seemed to know him when Jin had the impression that his Kazuya had become a stranger over night. Maybe it was inevitable, three years had passed after all, but the difference was too much. Kazuya really was a completely different person and he seemed to be the total opposite to what Jin had known him to be. From a loving and caring person he had changed into a cruel and cold human that didn’t care about anyone.

Or maybe he was wrong, Jin thought as he stumbled to the door of his apartment. After all, Kazuya had taken care of him even if he had tried his best to make it seem like he didn’t care at all. It seemed that he had also lied to Jin at some point, but the older one wasn’t sure in that moment which had been the lie and which had been the truth. He would have to meet with Kazuya again and ask for those answers that he still wanted.

After all, it wasn’t like he was going to give up that easily.

“I’m home.” He sighed as he locked the door behind him, expecting to find his apartment empty and startling when Yamapi suddenly appeared in front of him. “What are you doing here?” Jin asked, taking off his shoes and going straight to his room to simply fall down on the bed.

“We need to talk.” Pi announced and he seemed to be a little worried, attracting Jin’s attention and making him open his right eye and look at him with an arched eyebrow.

“I’m too tired, can’t you leave it for tomorrow? Or at least later.” Jin pleaded, closing again his eyes as he wasn’t in the mood to deal with Yamapi’s scolding. He knew that his friend was just going to argue with him that he was once again wasting too much time with Kazuya when the younger one didn’t even seem to want him, but he couldn’t give up. No matter what everyone would say, Jin won’t give up until he’d have a definite answer to all of this.

“It’s about Kame-chan.” The other one informed and this made Jin look at him again, sitting up with a growl and watching his friend as he sat down next to him. “I’ve done some research and I think I can guess what basically happened when he left town.”

Jin’s eyes widened for a second. “So he had really left town that day?” he asked, sighing tiredly. Really now, what the hell had made him change overnight this much? He didn’t know and his head was hurting more than ever as he tried to think of a possible answer.

Yamapi nodded a little uncertainly. “Not only that, but he also left the country.”

This time, Jin couldn’t hide his shock. “What?!” he asked with a high-pitched voice, sitting up and now looking at the other one from above, disbelief clearly written in his eyes. “Kazuya doesn’t have that kind of money and besides, he wouldn’t have left the country because of me and especially after all that happened between us.” Jin added with a firm voice, like this could be the only truth. “And I thought you said that you have already checked all flights leaving Tokyo back then.”

Yamapi nodded for a second time. “I think Ryo found him then.” He confessed and hurried to continue as he knew that Jin will interrupt him again - “I haven’t talked with him, but I found records of his private plane leaving the country the day after his disappearance and we both know that Ryo was still with us back then. He had left a week after too because he had a movie to film. I think that he had sent Kazuya before him.”

Jin felt how strength was slowly dissipating from his body and he fell down, his body hitting the floor with a loud sound and his eyes becoming blank, looking into a fixed point but not seeing anything. He couldn’t understand, now less than ever. He had thought that maybe Ryo had accidentally found Kazuya a few months ago and had convinced him to come back by using this new movie. But to think that he had known all the time where Kazuya was… No, it couldn’t be true. He could still remember how devastated he had been three years ago and how Ryo had come to him and had said that he hadn’t found Kazuya. Had it all been a lie? Then Ryo was the one who had helped Kazuya flee away from him and hadn’t said a thing, just watched his best friend suffering because of him?!

“Continue.” It was the only thing Jin said, realizing that there had to be an explanation for all of this. Ryo was still his best friend, right?

Yamapi took a deep breath as he looked at his crumbled friend, feeling his own heart breaking at the sight in front of him. It wasn’t fair and Jin didn’t deserve to go through this for a second time, but it was better if he knew the truth and if he found it from him. He didn’t even dare to think what would happen if Kazuya were to be the one to tell him all of this. “They had finished filming there and had come here the same way, to not leave any trace of them. After that, Kame-chan had sold the apartment that he had been living into and Ryo had bought another one for him. I found the papers only yesterday because the apartment is on Ryo’s name, not Kame-chan’s.” he explained, cursing himself for not having thought of searching more. But who could blame him? After all, who would have thought that their own best friend will stab them in the back in such a cruel way?

“And that’s how Yuuya-kun also disappeared.” Jin completed, remembering that the boy had also vanished into thin air a couple of months after Kazuya.

“I found other records of Kame-chan and there are also some rumors going on about him.” Yamapi revealed, decided to finish with this once and for all. “It seems that one actor had been late one day and Ryo had been mad so he had asked for someone else. No one was available so he had just cast Kame as it wasn’t an important role and he only had one line. But…” he paused and bit his lower lip, watching Jin how he raised his gaze and looked back at him. “He was good and Ryo had fallen in love with his acting. After that, I think that he had been the one to convince him to pursue this career.”

Jin took a deep breath as he finally sat up, looking straight into Yamapi’s eyes. “When had all of this happened?” he asked and he could feel his heart threatening to escape from his ribs as he waited for the dreaded answer.

“A year ago.”

So Ryo had been in touch with Kazuya all along.

*

In the end, he still had to talk to Ryo, Jin concluded. Maybe Kazuya wasn’t willing to tell him anything about what had happened, but his friend had to know something, right? After all, he had been the one to take Kazuya out of the country and even lie to his own best friend about this, actually giving him a part in his new movie. Jin refused to think for the time being that Ryo had known all this time where Kazuya was and concentrated on his task, driving yet again to the same office as two days ago, this time set on getting some final answers.

He parked his car in front of the building, not caring that he wasn’t allowed to do that and ignored the scolding of the people passing by as he rushed through them and hurried to get inside. He didn’t want to waste not even one second, he had to get to the bottom of this. Nothing made sense anymore and Jin had finally snapped and lost any sense of control. If no one wanted to give him answers, then he would have to take them himself.

He walked like a storm through the employees, not looking behind to see one of them now on the floor because of the force that Jin had used to get past him. He didn’t have any more patience and as he waited for the elevator to go up, Jin thought that this had been the last drop. Things were going crazy around him and he had no idea how to stop them. And he needed to or else there were going to be a lot of people suffering because of this.

“Ryo!” Jin yelled as soon as he opened the door of the director’s office, ignoring the secretary and passing by her like he was at his own place. “I need to talk to you.” He announced and walked inside when he saw that his friend was alone, closing the door behind him.

Ryo looked up at Jin and frowned slightly. “Hi, Jin, nice to see you after such a long time.” He replied sarcastically and let aside his papers. Something from Jin’s calm tone made him realize that this discussion won’t end very soon and he had a hunch of what was all this about. “But what do you want to talk about?” He asked, his tone now serious and his eyes surveying Jin closely.

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.” Jin retorted and approached Ryo to take a seat in front of him, crossing his legs and looking imposing. “Why did you lie to me?” he demanded, heading straight to the subject and to the question that had been bothering him since he had left home.

Ryo arched an eyebrow and stared at Jin for a few moments. “Are you asking about Kazuya?” He said with a drawl and leaned back on his chair. “I only took him away like he had asked. And he didn’t want me to tell anyone.” He continued, his dark eyes never leaving Jin’s.

The older cringed a little when he heard the director using Kazuya’s given name, remembering that Kazuya had done the same when he had mentioned Ryo - not that Jin was sane enough to realize it at that moment. “You were my best friend.” He accused the other one through gritted teeth, trying to contain his anger. “You knew how desperate I was and how much I have searched for him for these past three years, but you didn’t say a thing.” He continued and it was obvious that he was getting more and more frustrated by the second, the hurt and disappointment also starting to make their presence in his voice. “I trusted you and you let me suffer like an idiot!” he said, raising his tone a little at the end.

Ryo narrowed his eyes. “Then think why I’d do such a thing to my best friend!” He said with a snappish voice. “And you were desperate in the first two weeks, I barely heard from you afterwards.” He added with a sudden chilly voice, obviously bothered by his friend’s behavior. “And when you called you only said how great your concerts were. Just imagine how desperate I thought you were.” Ryo half smiled, half grimaced to Jin.

“So what was I supposed to say if you ditched me every time I started to say something about Kazuya?!” Jin defended himself, flapping his hands a little to show how stupid was this idea of Ryo’s. “You’re acting like I did something wrong since the day Kazuya disappeared and I still have no idea what had gotten into you!!” he complained with an exaggerated move of his hands yet again.

Ryo gritted his teeth. “Then can you honestly say that you didn’t do anything wrong to Kazuya?” he asked with a slightly trembling voice. “If it’s so, then why would Kazuya not want anyone to know where he is? Why would he leave you behind all of a sudden?!” His tone raised an inch and the black of his eyes flickered threateningly for a moment.

“I don’t know!” Jin answered a little annoyed by the fact that Ryo seemed to know the reason behind Kazuya’s leaving. But if there was a reason, that meant Kazuya hadn’t left because he had wanted to, but maybe because he was forced to? But by whom? And why? “That’s what I’m trying to find out too and it seems that you and Kazuya are the only ones who know this particular reason that had made me so bitter these past three years.” Jin continued as leaned over the desk, staring into Ryo’s dark eyes. “Kazuya won’t tell me, so please.” He begged, suddenly sounding really miserable. “Please, Ryo, I’m your best friend, please help me get him back.” Jin pleaded with all of his heart and soul put into his words, trying to repeat the word ‘please’ for a million times if he could, just to show how serious he was. After all, Jin had never begged anyone in his life until now.

Ryo cursed inside his mind, why was Jin so persistent on Kazuya? Three years had already passed, he should just give up already! “I can’t and won’t help you.” He replied with a sigh and leaned once more against his chair. “If Kazuya hasn’t said anything to you, then I won’t say either. And it’s already three years, man!” Ryo continued, ruffling his hair and looking a bit frustrated by his friend. “Shouldn’t you just move on? Just treasure whatever your memories with Kazuya are and live happy. Do you really have to mourn like this?!” He rolled his eyes, his attitude telling that he would have long forgotten about this kind of love if he were Jin. But yet again, it was Kazuya - a man - whom they were talking about. Ryo was aware that it was indeed kind of difficult, but most definitely not impossible like Jin seemed to think.

“No, I don’t have to.” Jin chuckled bitterly as he lowered his head and looked into his palms. “But I want to.” He added as he raised his gaze to look into Ryo’s black orbs with determined and sparkling eyes. “I don’t want to lose him, Ryo, I love him. He’s the first person I ever loved.” He confessed, painfully aware that this was the first time he was telling his true feelings about Kazuya to Ryo.

What? Ryo’s mind blanked at this part. Did Jin really love Kazuya? Yes, he did, because Jin wasn’t the type to say such things to him especially after three long years had passed and the person he loved was a man. Then how did things turn like this again? Ryo frowned before he let out a long sigh.

“And have you realized you love him after three years?” The director asked a bit mockingly, not being able to restrain himself. But he was right! After all this time, Jin comes out with such a confession!

“I realized it a long time ago.” Jin replied with another sigh as he leaned back in the chair, making himself a little more comfortable. “I realized it on the night of my birthday and I never regretted falling in love with Kazuya.” He smiled a bit, thinking that, in the end, he’ll always cherish the memories and the time spent together with his first love.

Ryo felt a slight headache making it way to him. “So he wasn’t your usual play?” He asked, though he had the feeling he already knew the answer.

“You know I’m not a player, Ryo-chan.” Jin pursed his lips, looking offended at this insinuation. After all, to be a player you needed to hook up with someone just for fun and Jin had never done that. He had always cared about the people he was dating, even if they wouldn’t last more than a month. “But no, I never meant to play with him or anything like that. I wanted to take him with me to America and we had been talking about this the night before he disappeared.” He sighed, rubbing his tired eyes with a lazy move. “That’s why I just don’t get it.”

Ryo held tight onto his poker face as he heard Jin say about America and Kazuya leaving with him. He had never heard such a thing from the younger. And all of a sudden he felt annoyed and he didn’t want to listen to Jin anymore. It made him doubt of Kazuya and for three years he had trusted the boy. “Even so, you should just forget about him already.” Ryo said a bit more forcefully than he would have liked to, but he won’t turn back on his words. “Kazuya put an end to you two for a reason and you’d better leave like this. After all, three years have passed and things have changed.”

“But I haven’t.” Jin replied honestly as he stood up from his chair and started pacing around the room. “I haven’t changed in these past three years and I still haven’t forgotten Kazuya or his laughter, his smiles, his kisses or the way he used to look at me.” He continued and ruffled his hair in frustration. He couldn’t believe that all of this was gone and that the cold stares had replaced what Jin used to know as the warmest thing in the world. “And I’m not going to give up.” He declared with a firm voice. “At least, not without an explanation for why he left me.”

Just when Ryo wanted to stop Jin from saying all that stuff that happened between him and Kazuya, the actor went ahead and dropped a bomb like that. “What?” The director asked with a surprised voice. “Are you crazy?!” He then stood up and glared at Jin. “Why do you want to still cling after you’ve been dumped like that?! Are you stupid or something? God, Jin, put a break on that brainless mind of yours!” Ryo slapped his desk, annoyance etched in every feature of his face.

“I can’t!” Jin shot back. “You think I haven’t tried to forget him?” he then asked with a mocking voice. “You think I didn’t want him to stop invading my dreams every night? You think I never wanted to stop hoping that I’ll see him again and that everything will be alright?!” he demanded to know, sounding angry and furious at the end. “It’s been three years, Ryo.” He continued, his voice lower this time and sounding kind of broken. “And I still love him like that day when I told him the first time.” He confessed and looked into his friend’s eyes, wanting him to see the pain and suffering that had gathered in his soul in all this time.

Ryo let himself fall back onto his chair, feeling that for once he didn’t have the right to reproach anything to Jin. But neither could he bear anymore listening to Jin professing his love for Kazuya. “I’m sorry, Jin, but I can’t listen to you anymore.” He said, feeling awful for having to say such things to his friend. “I can’t help you with Kazuya. And this love you’re talking about, I think it has been for long over. It’s better to just give up or you’re just going to hurt yourself more.” He continued, looking a bit vexed about something. “Now I want to get back to work.” Ryo ended this conversation, his attention back on the papers he had left on the desk. But of course he was seeing nothing from what was written, his own words said to Jin getting back at him. What if he was the one who'll get hurt?

“I see.” Jin said with a small voice, feeling devastated that he hadn’t managed to find out anything from his discussion too. “But I’m not giving up and I’ll make you tell me the truth one day.” He promised and smiled a little before turning his back on his friend and leaving the room.

Behind him, Ryo sighed in relief. He hadn’t been sure how much he could have kept up with this conversation and Jin’s words were starting to affect him too. He had to admit that he had heard the story being told only from Kazuya’s perspective and had had no idea until today that Jin was actually serious with the younger. Or was he lying? Jin wouldn’t lie about something like this. Then what about Kazuya?

“Fuck.” He swore, feeling frustrated that he was trapped in the middle of their problems and rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms, trying to relax a little.

Then the door opened once more and Kazuya stood in the doorframe looking at Ryo with a grave expression. “I heard everything.” He simply stated as he walked inside Ryo’s office and stopped in front of his desk. His eyes were dry, but they spoke more than Kazuya’s lips.

“And how do you feel?” the director asked, looking concerned for Kazuya as he silently observed his features. He hadn’t expected the younger to hear them and he had to admit that he was kind of curious of what Kazuya thought of all this. If he knew that Jin had been searching frantically for him and still hadn’t given up at his quest to win Kazuya back.

“The same as three years ago.” The younger replied without hesitation. Of course he had been slightly affected by Jin’s words, but he had heard such things before and he didn’t believe them now. “I’m sorry you had to hear all this though.” Kazuya continued and stretched his hand to touch Ryo’s. “I know Jin’s your best friend and… I don’t know how to thank you for what you’ve done for me so far.” He smiled a bit, though it was a sad smile. After all, he was the one to put Ryo into such a tight place. And there were times where he couldn’t shake the guilt he felt eating him up.

“Don’t worry.” Ryo replied with a smile a little wider, though it didn’t seem sincere also. He averted his eyes from Kazuya and pulled back his hand as he pretended to look through some of his files, feeling nervous and biting his lips because of it. He was stupid, he was an idiot for doing this, but… he had to say it. So he took a deep breath and looked up at Kazuya. “I think you should talk with him, to sort things out.”

Kazuya froze on the spot. “I have nothing to talk with him or to sort out.” He replied coolly, continuing to stare at Ryo like he had suddenly grown two heads. “It’s his problem if he still thinks he has feelings for me. And besides, I don’t even care what he feels for me!” He added, his voice a bit angry. “Ryo, don’t tell me that you believe him?!” Kazuya asked, looking distrusting at the other. And he totally disliked the fact that the director had avoided contact with him. All because Jin had come back!

“I’m not, I just…” Ryo tried to find his words, but failed badly. “Jin has never lied to me before, Kazuya.” He reasoned that it was the smartest thing to say for the time being.

“Good for him. But he lied to me.” Kazuya replied and raised his chin defiantly. “I will not ask you to doubt your friend, Ryo. But don’t ask me either to do things like sorting out things with Jin.” He added and there was a glint of pain in his eyes. “I will never do that.”

“Okay, okay.” Ryo raised his hands in defeat. “I just thought it would be better to have a closure to this, but if you think it’s best this way, then this way it is.” He said and smiled brightly, wanting to show that he had no other intention of bringing up this subject ever again.

Kazuya seemed to agree with Ryo and smiled back. “So… where are you taking me tonight?” He asked happily, tilting his head in a cute way.

No matter what will happen, Jin was no longer a part of Kazuya’s life.