Sam's realization that Dean wanted a life outside of hunting, outside of Sam.
Throughout the series, we’ve become accustomed to viewing the shows and characters through Dean’s POV. We see how he experiences Sam’s gradual realization that he’s “not normal,” his addiction to demon blood, ect. We experience how he reacts to Sam picking Ruby over him, the realization that Sam didn’t try to bring him back from purgatory, and the painful fact that all of Sam’s good memories don’t include the family (including Dean).
In Bad Boys, we almost get a role reversal. We have the refreshing perspective of watching Sam realize that Dean didn’t always want to be involved in the “family business,” and more importantly, he didn’t always want to take care of Sam. And that realization hurts.
Sam summarized everything he’s learned about Dean throughout the episode right before he gets into the Impala: “You got lucky. Kind of like you did with this place. I mean, here I was thinking this was the worst part of your life and it turns out it was the best.”
I’ve watched the scene three times now and I still can’t quite place the emotion behind Sam’s admission. Accusatory, resigned, hurt…a mix of everything. Now, while I think Sam comes at the realization in a much healthier way than Dean ever has, there is still something in his tone that sounds painful.
Here’s the thing, Sam grew up thinking that hunting was Dean’s life, more importantly, that Sam was Dean’s life. I don’t think he was ever put in the position where he really questioned it (feelings of letting Dean down as brought up in the season 8 finale aside). Dean is Sam’s safety net - has been, always will be - even if he doesn’t necessarily want him to be, even when he completely rebels against it.
Now he sees that Dean wanted a life outside of the family - that Dean was making a life outside of the family, outside of Sam. There’s an obvious sense of guilt as Sam enters the Impala. When he thanks Dean for everything after Dean’s flashback, it’s clear that Sam connected the dots and knows that Dean came back specifically for him. I think it goes beyond that - Sam’s safety set experienced a gust of air it wasn’t prepared for.
Both John and Dean drilled “the family business” into little Sammy’s head. There was no gray area in Dean’s choice to live as a hunter, or to his fierce loyalty to Sam. It was a constant in a very uncontrollable world. Even if Sam didn’t want it, that had to bring him comfort on a large (probably often ignored) level. However, that comfort was questioned this episode. Sam, John, hunting were all pushed aside for wrestling matches, a girlfriend, and school dances.
Sam isn’t used to be excluded from Dean’s life…unless Sam does the excluding. At the very least, there had to be some ego shifting, because it’s a formula that has never altered. I wonder if there was also a slight sense of betrayal. Even though Sam understands the importance of making a life for yourself, this is the first time he’s realizing that Dean *had* a life outside of Sam. Not wanted or dreamed about, but had. And while Sam wants a normal life for himself and Dean, I think this threw him off of his axis for a second.
While I’m sure Sam is trying to think about it in a rational, hey-I-wanted-the-same-thing manner, I think, at least at that moment, there was a woah-wait-you’re-always-supposed-to-be-there-for-me sentiment that stings. He probably doesn’t want to think that way, but after living an entire life thinking one particular way, having the idea challenged doesn’t always sit well. Maybe that’s why I think I’m detecting a (small) bitter note, as well? We know that Sam’s heaven doesn’t include Dean, and now Sam thinks that the best time in Dean’s life doesn’t include Sam…that has to hurt. Even when you know the pain isn’t rational, you can’t help feel what you feel.
I think he's able to shake off these feelings much easier than Dean, as once they are in the car, his 'thank you' is filled with nothing but gratitude and love. But for that second, Sam got to experience what Dean has been experiencing for seasons.
I really want to go on about this, but I’m still recovering from pneumonia and I want to get this posted before tomorrow’s episode. So I’m going to throw it out to you guys, what do you think Sam felt at the end of Bad Boys? What do you think it means for their relationship as a whole?
When I’m feeling better, I may dive much deeper into the topic, but again, I really want to get it out before tomorrow’s episode. Let’s discuss?
In Bad Boys, we almost get a role reversal. We have the refreshing perspective of watching Sam realize that Dean didn’t always want to be involved in the “family business,” and more importantly, he didn’t always want to take care of Sam. And that realization hurts.
Sam summarized everything he’s learned about Dean throughout the episode right before he gets into the Impala: “You got lucky. Kind of like you did with this place. I mean, here I was thinking this was the worst part of your life and it turns out it was the best.”
I’ve watched the scene three times now and I still can’t quite place the emotion behind Sam’s admission. Accusatory, resigned, hurt…a mix of everything. Now, while I think Sam comes at the realization in a much healthier way than Dean ever has, there is still something in his tone that sounds painful.
Here’s the thing, Sam grew up thinking that hunting was Dean’s life, more importantly, that Sam was Dean’s life. I don’t think he was ever put in the position where he really questioned it (feelings of letting Dean down as brought up in the season 8 finale aside). Dean is Sam’s safety net - has been, always will be - even if he doesn’t necessarily want him to be, even when he completely rebels against it.
Now he sees that Dean wanted a life outside of the family - that Dean was making a life outside of the family, outside of Sam. There’s an obvious sense of guilt as Sam enters the Impala. When he thanks Dean for everything after Dean’s flashback, it’s clear that Sam connected the dots and knows that Dean came back specifically for him. I think it goes beyond that - Sam’s safety set experienced a gust of air it wasn’t prepared for.
Both John and Dean drilled “the family business” into little Sammy’s head. There was no gray area in Dean’s choice to live as a hunter, or to his fierce loyalty to Sam. It was a constant in a very uncontrollable world. Even if Sam didn’t want it, that had to bring him comfort on a large (probably often ignored) level. However, that comfort was questioned this episode. Sam, John, hunting were all pushed aside for wrestling matches, a girlfriend, and school dances.
Sam isn’t used to be excluded from Dean’s life…unless Sam does the excluding. At the very least, there had to be some ego shifting, because it’s a formula that has never altered. I wonder if there was also a slight sense of betrayal. Even though Sam understands the importance of making a life for yourself, this is the first time he’s realizing that Dean *had* a life outside of Sam. Not wanted or dreamed about, but had. And while Sam wants a normal life for himself and Dean, I think this threw him off of his axis for a second.
While I’m sure Sam is trying to think about it in a rational, hey-I-wanted-the-same-thing manner, I think, at least at that moment, there was a woah-wait-you’re-always-supposed-to-be-there-for-me sentiment that stings. He probably doesn’t want to think that way, but after living an entire life thinking one particular way, having the idea challenged doesn’t always sit well. Maybe that’s why I think I’m detecting a (small) bitter note, as well? We know that Sam’s heaven doesn’t include Dean, and now Sam thinks that the best time in Dean’s life doesn’t include Sam…that has to hurt. Even when you know the pain isn’t rational, you can’t help feel what you feel.
I think he's able to shake off these feelings much easier than Dean, as once they are in the car, his 'thank you' is filled with nothing but gratitude and love. But for that second, Sam got to experience what Dean has been experiencing for seasons.
I really want to go on about this, but I’m still recovering from pneumonia and I want to get this posted before tomorrow’s episode. So I’m going to throw it out to you guys, what do you think Sam felt at the end of Bad Boys? What do you think it means for their relationship as a whole?
When I’m feeling better, I may dive much deeper into the topic, but again, I really want to get it out before tomorrow’s episode. Let’s discuss?