denver and maybe blue, but not denver blues
From the middle of Cali to Aurora, it took three days. There were panic attacks, crises of faith and Wyoming is far too large to contain such a stunning amount of nothing. The move was rushed, because packing was the last thing we wanted to do. we were able to get most everything into that uhaul trailer, it made my truck feel like a tour bus. Such high expectations, too high, certainly. Have had a complete internet blackout since the move. Most frustrating living with other people again. I have had it so nice for so long. First my own place with just me to worry about/doom. Then our house in Fresno, which only had one major fault, existing in fresno. But they were my places, and now I am again relying on the kindness of family and friends for housing. It's a hard step back for my pride. Everything else, well, very much the same, many things quite a lot better. Don't really know how to relate this next bit, I will struggle on. Not a week of being in Denver, and there is a terrorist attack not five miles from my temporary home. I just don't know how to feel about it all. I mean that in addition to all the usual horror, there is something offputting being such a recent transplant and facing the awful reality of gun violence. I know it is a coincidence, but it seems like an omen. I don't really believe in these things, except when i do. Just so much sadness and loss. It feels so unreal to me. Sometimes i just fucking hate humanity.