lesson for the kiddies
My mom makes some pretty badass asparagus soup. I love asparagus and I love soup, so when you combine the two it is like a party in my mouth.
I don't know exactly what's involved in making the soup. Obviously asparagus is in there somewhere, and it has something to do with cream or milk or something along those lines. Plus a bunch of other junk. I don't know, I don't cook.
On Thanksgiving, my mom made a GIANT pot of this glorious concoction. Everyone had some, but apparently no one appreciates the sheer awesomeness of it the way I do because there was a shit load of it left over. So for the past few days, I've been eating it for lunch. I take my dog to my folks' house every morning before work, so that he's not trapped in my apartment alone all day (he runs around with their two dogs all day until I pick him up after work - it's like a doggy day care), and in the mornings when I drop him off, my mom has a little container of it waiting for me, ready to take to work.
Yeah. My mom packs my lunches for me. She even went so far as to buy brown paper lunch bags to put it in.
DON'T BE JEALOUS, BITCHES. MY MOMMY LOVES ME.
Anyway, that is not the point. The point is that yesterday I had a hectic day and didn't have a chance to eat my delicious soup, despite having removed it from the fridge and sitting it on my desk next to me. Then, as I was leaving work and gathering all the crap that I needed to take home, I forgot to grab the container, so it sat on my desk all night.
This morning I came in to work and spotted the bag, and I was sad that I had forgotten to eat the soup because that was the last of it and it TOTALLY WENT TO WASTE. With a frown, I pushed the bag to the edge of my desk so that I'd remember to take it home with me this evening.
Working working working for about two hours. Then, about five minutes ago, I heard this "FFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTT". It sounded almost like a dog fart. I glanced around confused, because I am positive that it didn't come out of my ass, and since my cubical backs up against the wall, there is no one behind me who could have done it.
Then I glanced down at the brown paper bag. Suspiciously, I moved it to the side and noticed a few drips on my desk. As I lifted the bag, I saw another drip fall from the bag, then saw that the whole bottom of the bag was wet.
Then the smell hit me.
THE SMELL, OH GOD, THE SMELL.
The only way to describe the smell would be to tell you to combine spoiled milk and rotting asparagus, because that is exactly what it was - spoiled milk and rotting asparagus.
I don't understand how this heavenly soup could have turned so absolutely evil over a period of 8 hours, but it did. The evil in this thing was so strong that it managed to burst the lid off of the container that held it and slowly leak itself out.
As I was cleaning it and trying not to gag, it hit me that the people around me probably also heart the "FFFFTTT" of the soup liberating itself from my tupperware and could now smell the evil that was lurking around my cubical. Only no one else knows that I left this shit out on my desk overnight, so they probably think that it was ME and that I have terrible gas. GREAT.
So anyway, I cleaned it up, threw it in my garbage can, tied the bag shut and walked it all the way out to the dumpster.
I am posting this story as a lesson to all you boys and girls out there in internet land: do NOT leave your asparagus soup out on your desk over night unless you want to create a cloud of mustard gas so strong that it could take out a herd of cattle.
Also, if you ever get mad at someone or want to play a prank on them, get a container of asparagus soup and leave it in their desk drawer. Just don't leave it in there too long, because you could probably end up killing them.
I don't know exactly what's involved in making the soup. Obviously asparagus is in there somewhere, and it has something to do with cream or milk or something along those lines. Plus a bunch of other junk. I don't know, I don't cook.
On Thanksgiving, my mom made a GIANT pot of this glorious concoction. Everyone had some, but apparently no one appreciates the sheer awesomeness of it the way I do because there was a shit load of it left over. So for the past few days, I've been eating it for lunch. I take my dog to my folks' house every morning before work, so that he's not trapped in my apartment alone all day (he runs around with their two dogs all day until I pick him up after work - it's like a doggy day care), and in the mornings when I drop him off, my mom has a little container of it waiting for me, ready to take to work.
Yeah. My mom packs my lunches for me. She even went so far as to buy brown paper lunch bags to put it in.
DON'T BE JEALOUS, BITCHES. MY MOMMY LOVES ME.
Anyway, that is not the point. The point is that yesterday I had a hectic day and didn't have a chance to eat my delicious soup, despite having removed it from the fridge and sitting it on my desk next to me. Then, as I was leaving work and gathering all the crap that I needed to take home, I forgot to grab the container, so it sat on my desk all night.
This morning I came in to work and spotted the bag, and I was sad that I had forgotten to eat the soup because that was the last of it and it TOTALLY WENT TO WASTE. With a frown, I pushed the bag to the edge of my desk so that I'd remember to take it home with me this evening.
Working working working for about two hours. Then, about five minutes ago, I heard this "FFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTT". It sounded almost like a dog fart. I glanced around confused, because I am positive that it didn't come out of my ass, and since my cubical backs up against the wall, there is no one behind me who could have done it.
Then I glanced down at the brown paper bag. Suspiciously, I moved it to the side and noticed a few drips on my desk. As I lifted the bag, I saw another drip fall from the bag, then saw that the whole bottom of the bag was wet.
Then the smell hit me.
THE SMELL, OH GOD, THE SMELL.
The only way to describe the smell would be to tell you to combine spoiled milk and rotting asparagus, because that is exactly what it was - spoiled milk and rotting asparagus.
I don't understand how this heavenly soup could have turned so absolutely evil over a period of 8 hours, but it did. The evil in this thing was so strong that it managed to burst the lid off of the container that held it and slowly leak itself out.
As I was cleaning it and trying not to gag, it hit me that the people around me probably also heart the "FFFFTTT" of the soup liberating itself from my tupperware and could now smell the evil that was lurking around my cubical. Only no one else knows that I left this shit out on my desk overnight, so they probably think that it was ME and that I have terrible gas. GREAT.
So anyway, I cleaned it up, threw it in my garbage can, tied the bag shut and walked it all the way out to the dumpster.
I am posting this story as a lesson to all you boys and girls out there in internet land: do NOT leave your asparagus soup out on your desk over night unless you want to create a cloud of mustard gas so strong that it could take out a herd of cattle.
Also, if you ever get mad at someone or want to play a prank on them, get a container of asparagus soup and leave it in their desk drawer. Just don't leave it in there too long, because you could probably end up killing them.