1 year
One year ago today I had a hysterectomy. I lost any chance I had of ever having a biological child. It saved my life, but I am sad sometimes that I won't know what it is like to be pregnant or have a child who has my eyes or personality or the knowledge that unless I am some kind of crack whore they can never be taken away from me and not let me talk to them or see them. I never thought I wanted kids until I had the honor of raising one for several years.
In this past year I have struggled so much. I have had 3 jobs, none of which stuck for different reasons, I moved back in with my parents and have gotten my tattoo covered up. I have also learned that I have a breaking point. A point to where I no longer wish to be alive. It was at this point, where I was fighting with everyone and hating myself that I turned back to God. I am looking for a church to go to and have a lot of questions still but I have started praying again. I am realizing more and more how much I have missed that bond. I have a meeting with a pastor on Thursday and hopefully she will be able to answer some of the questions I have. I need a place to feel like I belong and I have never felt that more than when I have been in touch with God.
So much in a year. It boggles the mind. I think (and hope and pray) that this next year will be better. I want to get out of debt, finish up the cover up of my tattoo, lose 100 pounds and move out on my own, well with Liz of course.
I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me through this year. Some I recently got back in touch with, some who have every right to hate me but don't and those that I have recently met. Thank you for listening and keeping in touch. You all have meant the world to me.
To my wife, I thank you for sticking by me even though I have been the biggest bitch the past few months. I love you baby and always will.
To the son of my heart, I am glad that I have gotten to see you again. I will love and treasure you for all of eternity. Stay strong and know that you are loved unconditionally.
Here's to a better year.
In this past year I have struggled so much. I have had 3 jobs, none of which stuck for different reasons, I moved back in with my parents and have gotten my tattoo covered up. I have also learned that I have a breaking point. A point to where I no longer wish to be alive. It was at this point, where I was fighting with everyone and hating myself that I turned back to God. I am looking for a church to go to and have a lot of questions still but I have started praying again. I am realizing more and more how much I have missed that bond. I have a meeting with a pastor on Thursday and hopefully she will be able to answer some of the questions I have. I need a place to feel like I belong and I have never felt that more than when I have been in touch with God.
So much in a year. It boggles the mind. I think (and hope and pray) that this next year will be better. I want to get out of debt, finish up the cover up of my tattoo, lose 100 pounds and move out on my own, well with Liz of course.
I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me through this year. Some I recently got back in touch with, some who have every right to hate me but don't and those that I have recently met. Thank you for listening and keeping in touch. You all have meant the world to me.
To my wife, I thank you for sticking by me even though I have been the biggest bitch the past few months. I love you baby and always will.
To the son of my heart, I am glad that I have gotten to see you again. I will love and treasure you for all of eternity. Stay strong and know that you are loved unconditionally.
Here's to a better year.