divorce update
Like you comrades know, fifel is being divorced.
Well, for anarchist values of marriage. Freelove, freely entered into, is freely leavable. Thankfully no little fifels intervene.
I think I've explained that evil ex's code name is Jason, right? Because I've been feeling like Medea. (Yet another good think about no little fifel-Jasons running around).
So last night I was feeling pretty bloody desperate as the previous entry indicates. So I texted Jason, set up a meeting to discuss stuff. And this discussion went well. We sorted out the materiality of breaking our household, I got a commitment that Jason would pick her stuff up this coming weekend. I said what I needed to (I can't speak to you, it hurts me too much; I need you to get your stuff out). We talked about how we felt; me first. I felt pretty flat and affectless (I had worked myself up for this conversation seriously, but Jason didn't feel I was flat). Jason cried. I would have cried if I hadn't anticipated this conversation.
Like I said, we got our materiality sorted. We talked about what we needed from each other which was expectable in the current situation. We talked about how we felt about it all. We also talked about neat things which have happened in our lives recently. I gave codas to the "please don't contact me" rule: its okay to let me know you want to speak by email or gmail instant messaging, but I may say "no, I'm incapable". If Jason is badly off, as in deeply depressive spikes, its okay if she contacts me immediately. Then we had vietnamese noodles for dinner up the road.
It was good. I feel better for it. Jason said I look better. Jason looks happier in herself. Things are better, if still sucky. We both laughed about things not working out like we both wanted.
So here's to free love, and its free collapse. I'm happy that its happened. It needed to. We were both killing ourselves and each other. I'm sad about that. I also got to see Jason's side of things, and just how desperate and incapable of fulfilling herself she became. So I'm happy things are better for her. I'm very happy that we had the chat tonight.
I feel released from the last five years. From all the need I felt for both of us to be happy. Maybe this sounds strange for people from mainstream cultures, or even the anarchist cultures I'm a part of. Maybe it doesn't. But it is how it is: and I feel relieved of it now. Except for the heartbreak and pain of course :).
Well, for anarchist values of marriage. Freelove, freely entered into, is freely leavable. Thankfully no little fifels intervene.
I think I've explained that evil ex's code name is Jason, right? Because I've been feeling like Medea. (Yet another good think about no little fifel-Jasons running around).
So last night I was feeling pretty bloody desperate as the previous entry indicates. So I texted Jason, set up a meeting to discuss stuff. And this discussion went well. We sorted out the materiality of breaking our household, I got a commitment that Jason would pick her stuff up this coming weekend. I said what I needed to (I can't speak to you, it hurts me too much; I need you to get your stuff out). We talked about how we felt; me first. I felt pretty flat and affectless (I had worked myself up for this conversation seriously, but Jason didn't feel I was flat). Jason cried. I would have cried if I hadn't anticipated this conversation.
Like I said, we got our materiality sorted. We talked about what we needed from each other which was expectable in the current situation. We talked about how we felt about it all. We also talked about neat things which have happened in our lives recently. I gave codas to the "please don't contact me" rule: its okay to let me know you want to speak by email or gmail instant messaging, but I may say "no, I'm incapable". If Jason is badly off, as in deeply depressive spikes, its okay if she contacts me immediately. Then we had vietnamese noodles for dinner up the road.
It was good. I feel better for it. Jason said I look better. Jason looks happier in herself. Things are better, if still sucky. We both laughed about things not working out like we both wanted.
So here's to free love, and its free collapse. I'm happy that its happened. It needed to. We were both killing ourselves and each other. I'm sad about that. I also got to see Jason's side of things, and just how desperate and incapable of fulfilling herself she became. So I'm happy things are better for her. I'm very happy that we had the chat tonight.
I feel released from the last five years. From all the need I felt for both of us to be happy. Maybe this sounds strange for people from mainstream cultures, or even the anarchist cultures I'm a part of. Maybe it doesn't. But it is how it is: and I feel relieved of it now. Except for the heartbreak and pain of course :).