(no subject)
[Private]
It's not fair! Not fair! He's dead and he wasn't a part of anything and he's dead. He's never coming back and never going to be here again. He's never going to see me save London and never see me grow up because someone took him away from me. Someone took him away and he won't come back.
I miss him. I miss him so bad and I hope he knows that. I want to do good and be strong and be okay but it's hard when they take the important people away.
Everyone else has had someone close to them die. This isn't a big deal in the "big picture". It's a war, people die, right? Jack lost his mom. Jess lost her brother. People die and we're supposed to get over it. It just seems like everyone is better at handling this stuff and I'm the only one who's still stuck on it. I'm a child. I'm a dumb child who can't let go of the past. Even if the stupid past was only a few weeks ago.
I'm tired of acting like I'm okay and I'm tired of pretending like nothing is bothering me. I'm acting stupid and not like me and I bet no one's even noticing. Because I'm stupid, childish Tinka with the dumb name and dumber brain. I don't know what to say to Jack because I didn't even know his mom died. No one tells me anything. No one tells me how they feel or things I've missed. No one talks to me. It's always Seals this, Seals that, Kamui, Gemini, end of the world. No one asks how I'm doing because no one cares. I'm just here to be cheerful and smiley and say stupid things that only go to show that I lived a big dumb sheltered life.
I'm sorry I'm just stupid selfish Tinka here for stupid laughs. I don't want to be here for dumb reasons. I want to be here because I'm needed. I want to be useful and it seems silly to have been here for four stupid long months without anything blowing up. It's wrong to want something to blow up just so I can prove myself, isn't it? Wrong to wish so hard that something bad will happen just so I can say "Look at me! I'm helpful, okay? I'm not stupid! I'm not dumb! I'm really good for something, see?"
I wish I could prove them all wrong. The only person who ever thought I was something special is dead. He's dead and not coming back so I have to prove myself all on my own.
I wish he was still here.
I hope things are better up there in heaven, Michael. Because down here? It really sucks.
[/Private]
Does anyone feel like doing something? The weather's really nice and it seems like a waste to spend the day inside.
It's not fair! Not fair! He's dead and he wasn't a part of anything and he's dead. He's never coming back and never going to be here again. He's never going to see me save London and never see me grow up because someone took him away from me. Someone took him away and he won't come back.
I miss him. I miss him so bad and I hope he knows that. I want to do good and be strong and be okay but it's hard when they take the important people away.
Everyone else has had someone close to them die. This isn't a big deal in the "big picture". It's a war, people die, right? Jack lost his mom. Jess lost her brother. People die and we're supposed to get over it. It just seems like everyone is better at handling this stuff and I'm the only one who's still stuck on it. I'm a child. I'm a dumb child who can't let go of the past. Even if the stupid past was only a few weeks ago.
I'm tired of acting like I'm okay and I'm tired of pretending like nothing is bothering me. I'm acting stupid and not like me and I bet no one's even noticing. Because I'm stupid, childish Tinka with the dumb name and dumber brain. I don't know what to say to Jack because I didn't even know his mom died. No one tells me anything. No one tells me how they feel or things I've missed. No one talks to me. It's always Seals this, Seals that, Kamui, Gemini, end of the world. No one asks how I'm doing because no one cares. I'm just here to be cheerful and smiley and say stupid things that only go to show that I lived a big dumb sheltered life.
I'm sorry I'm just stupid selfish Tinka here for stupid laughs. I don't want to be here for dumb reasons. I want to be here because I'm needed. I want to be useful and it seems silly to have been here for four stupid long months without anything blowing up. It's wrong to want something to blow up just so I can prove myself, isn't it? Wrong to wish so hard that something bad will happen just so I can say "Look at me! I'm helpful, okay? I'm not stupid! I'm not dumb! I'm really good for something, see?"
I wish I could prove them all wrong. The only person who ever thought I was something special is dead. He's dead and not coming back so I have to prove myself all on my own.
I wish he was still here.
I hope things are better up there in heaven, Michael. Because down here? It really sucks.
[/Private]
Does anyone feel like doing something? The weather's really nice and it seems like a waste to spend the day inside.