so it would appear as though i've abandoned this thing
... and indeed i have. i don't really have the greatest of excuses either. sure, i've been keeping myself busy, but with nothing out of the ordinary. much has been going on of course, but again, nothing terribly out of the ordinary.
i'm in kind of a strange place right now, as i have been for much of the summer, with not really being able to be settled or anything. i really like living at sumner; living off campus is something i wish i could have experienced during my time here at su. but at the same time, i long for the homey feel of my chinook apartment. i need the sense of security that comes along with calling that place home from august until may. it may not seem like very long, but honestly, to me, it's a helluva lot longer than i've been able to call any other place "home" in a while. and there's something very comforting about that. i could really use that right now.
a part of me, the part that i'm here supposedly to find, is feeling very lost. i've had three full years here to figure out what it is that makes me happy and to learn how to do it, yet i'm certain i had more direction when i first came out of high school. this is normal, i'm told. so then at what point do i begin to freak out? now seems like a perfectly good time.
i wonder why i don't want to work in news anymore like i did when i first came here, when there is clearly still some spark of passion there. i wonder why i ever thought that i was somehow above just being a mother someday. i wonder if i'll ever be so passionate about something to make it my entire professional life. i wonder if i chose the wrong major, or if i settled on it for the wrong reasons.
i spend all of this time around people who clearly know so much more than i do about what i say i want to do, and it makes me think. i've wanted to change my major at least four or five times since i've been here-- why didn't i? and i know that you don't have to be a movie and tv trivia geek (sorry, boys) to be a trf major. sure, put a camera in my hand and i'm as happy as a clam, but shouldn't i at least be able to hold my own when debating thompson-esque subjects? but i can't.
... more on my pms ramblings later...
i'm in kind of a strange place right now, as i have been for much of the summer, with not really being able to be settled or anything. i really like living at sumner; living off campus is something i wish i could have experienced during my time here at su. but at the same time, i long for the homey feel of my chinook apartment. i need the sense of security that comes along with calling that place home from august until may. it may not seem like very long, but honestly, to me, it's a helluva lot longer than i've been able to call any other place "home" in a while. and there's something very comforting about that. i could really use that right now.
a part of me, the part that i'm here supposedly to find, is feeling very lost. i've had three full years here to figure out what it is that makes me happy and to learn how to do it, yet i'm certain i had more direction when i first came out of high school. this is normal, i'm told. so then at what point do i begin to freak out? now seems like a perfectly good time.
i wonder why i don't want to work in news anymore like i did when i first came here, when there is clearly still some spark of passion there. i wonder why i ever thought that i was somehow above just being a mother someday. i wonder if i'll ever be so passionate about something to make it my entire professional life. i wonder if i chose the wrong major, or if i settled on it for the wrong reasons.
i spend all of this time around people who clearly know so much more than i do about what i say i want to do, and it makes me think. i've wanted to change my major at least four or five times since i've been here-- why didn't i? and i know that you don't have to be a movie and tv trivia geek (sorry, boys) to be a trf major. sure, put a camera in my hand and i'm as happy as a clam, but shouldn't i at least be able to hold my own when debating thompson-esque subjects? but i can't.
... more on my pms ramblings later...