"you just want the vacation time..."
I like kids. I'd even like to have one some day. I saw a cute one in the elevator this morning and decided to stop taking my birth control have one.
Just kidding.
Yes, I'm really kidding.
Then someone (ahem) says to me that I only want to have a child for the vacation time. Vacation time? Yes, during those crucial three months off from work (if you're even lucky to get that long) the laboring of a child, caring for it when it's screaming at 4am, nursing it until your breasts ache and then having it vomit all over you and all of those other wonderous things a woman is privleged to do sound like a fan-fucking-tastic vacation, don't they? I would LOVE the "vacation time."
I still want a kid though. Even if my breasts will be sore and my vagina will tear. I just need to find a partner who will get me Coldstone ice cream when I crave it and will rub my back.
I would be excellent at molding a young mind. I'd buy him/her The Pixies Lullaby CD and one of those onesies with the SAT words on them. And I'd blog on Babble. Plus, all of these Dora the Explorer DVDs and Clifford Read-Alongs in my office wouldn't go to waste.
I also think those three-wheeled running stroller things are fantastic. I would want one of those. Maybe if I had a kid to shut up I might actually run. Motion used to always stop my brother from screaming bloody murder.
In France, the govenment sends someone to your home after you've had a child to show you how to take care of it. They'll do your laundry, too. Oh, and your biggest expense will be vegetables. If only I could speak better French...
Just kidding.
Yes, I'm really kidding.
Then someone (ahem) says to me that I only want to have a child for the vacation time. Vacation time? Yes, during those crucial three months off from work (if you're even lucky to get that long) the laboring of a child, caring for it when it's screaming at 4am, nursing it until your breasts ache and then having it vomit all over you and all of those other wonderous things a woman is privleged to do sound like a fan-fucking-tastic vacation, don't they? I would LOVE the "vacation time."
I still want a kid though. Even if my breasts will be sore and my vagina will tear. I just need to find a partner who will get me Coldstone ice cream when I crave it and will rub my back.
I would be excellent at molding a young mind. I'd buy him/her The Pixies Lullaby CD and one of those onesies with the SAT words on them. And I'd blog on Babble. Plus, all of these Dora the Explorer DVDs and Clifford Read-Alongs in my office wouldn't go to waste.
I also think those three-wheeled running stroller things are fantastic. I would want one of those. Maybe if I had a kid to shut up I might actually run. Motion used to always stop my brother from screaming bloody murder.
In France, the govenment sends someone to your home after you've had a child to show you how to take care of it. They'll do your laundry, too. Oh, and your biggest expense will be vegetables. If only I could speak better French...