The saddest thing in forever
I swear, I've been happy lately, and that much can be witnessed by my myspace blogs. However, here is where I know that not everyone in the world will see my innermost feelings at this moment.
Someone once told me that I should be more selfish in order to be more selfless.
I've kind of been taking that road lately. I'm actually worrying about my own shit and taking care of myself. Joining the gym, quitting that horrible tooth-rotting caffeinated beverage and going on an all around diet. It has also helped to have someone back me up and keep me straight. Many have stated how well they think I am doing and how proud they are of me, blah blah blah.
I seriously just fucking wolfed down some chocolate in an old fashioned depression fit. Here I am, trying to take a nap because I really got no sleep last night and all I can think about is the things going wrong in my life right now and just started crying again. I hate being this person. I hate that sometimes things that one moment seem almost minute can all of a sudden hit you like a fright train when you realize how significantly your life can change.
Others decisions lately have me absolutely hating the world because I cannot control what others choose and some things truly are so precious that losing them burn a serious hole into your heart. I feel the need to go and apologize, just to try to make things better when I haven't even done a fucking thing wrong in this situation.
I wish for others sakes that things could go back to the way they were, but I am happy with the person I am becoming. I'm turning into a more happy confidant person who is no longer just bending under the will of others and taking a step back and letting people take advantage of me.
I am still there for the ones I love and I hope that the person who is making me feel this way soon remembers how much I was there for them. I love them but I can't just not have a life to please others and stay at home every night being miserable and eating myself into a near diabetic coma. Fuck that.
I don't like to cry anymore, it makes my contacts dry and spots up my glasses. I also abhor being miserable because to me it makes me feel like I am taking a step back, when I should only be going forward.
Someone once told me that I should be more selfish in order to be more selfless.
I've kind of been taking that road lately. I'm actually worrying about my own shit and taking care of myself. Joining the gym, quitting that horrible tooth-rotting caffeinated beverage and going on an all around diet. It has also helped to have someone back me up and keep me straight. Many have stated how well they think I am doing and how proud they are of me, blah blah blah.
I seriously just fucking wolfed down some chocolate in an old fashioned depression fit. Here I am, trying to take a nap because I really got no sleep last night and all I can think about is the things going wrong in my life right now and just started crying again. I hate being this person. I hate that sometimes things that one moment seem almost minute can all of a sudden hit you like a fright train when you realize how significantly your life can change.
Others decisions lately have me absolutely hating the world because I cannot control what others choose and some things truly are so precious that losing them burn a serious hole into your heart. I feel the need to go and apologize, just to try to make things better when I haven't even done a fucking thing wrong in this situation.
I wish for others sakes that things could go back to the way they were, but I am happy with the person I am becoming. I'm turning into a more happy confidant person who is no longer just bending under the will of others and taking a step back and letting people take advantage of me.
I am still there for the ones I love and I hope that the person who is making me feel this way soon remembers how much I was there for them. I love them but I can't just not have a life to please others and stay at home every night being miserable and eating myself into a near diabetic coma. Fuck that.
I don't like to cry anymore, it makes my contacts dry and spots up my glasses. I also abhor being miserable because to me it makes me feel like I am taking a step back, when I should only be going forward.