Distraction in Action: the Periodic Inquiry, Second Edition
Date: Thursday night/ Friday Morning, 20-21 -2000
Time: Evening-Morning
Charaters Invovled: Aliases Buttson, Potcher, and accomplice
Complete
Rating: G
There are no warnings, no simple indication that anything is amiss, or prepared to cause a ruckus. That is the natural course of things where cyclones and tornados are concerned. They appear without heralds or reservations, and their destinations are almost never known. Of course, in England one would hardly see these natural occurrences.
Unless, of course, you happened to be in Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade shortly after eleven P.M. on the twentieth of April.
Several violent, rotating windstorms have sprouted up, from various locations. Six in Diagon Alley and four in Hogsmeade, in synchronized patterns, timed well enough to be called systematic. The storms were identical with odd decorations about them; hundreds of loose-leaf parchments to be exact. These papers designed the shape of each storm, sprung from open brown bags of some leathery material, also identical to one another. Nothing of greatness were these children of the wind god; they leapt out of their cages and spun a dizzy path for a few minutes before fizzing away and disappearing. They had purpose however, just as three strangers had that very night, performing a distribution of the papers in each storm, so that the areas in question had been assaulted with literature of the Periodic Inquiry.
Earlier that evening, Plew Buttson had met up with Frink Potcher, and a third man with wild, long black hair. All three were hiding down in the cellar of the Leaky Caldron, trading bags and satchels, hushed words and quick whispers. Plew Buttson, a thinly framed and overly clothed figure, with stringy brown hair- not quite as long as the dark haired companion, had gathered up four identical bags and then disappeared on the spot with a popping, cracking noise. Destination Hogsmeade. It seems the honourable Buttson had business to see to.
Frink Potcher was hurriedly enlarging six bags as Buttson apparated; his deep blue eyes were concentrating hard while his sleeved arm wished about his wand. Once finished with his task, he put his wand into the back pocket of his thick brown pants--a bit baggy in the knees--and helped the third man with picking them up. The long, thin wisp of the dark haired man's pony tail was swishing about like a snake as he maneuvered, and once he had control of five bags, he too disappeared with a crack. Potcher took the last bag, crept quietly from within the cellar, and headed for the secret entrance of Diagon Alley.
The accomplice of Buttson and Potcher was stocky, very tall, and clad with a dark cloak and gloves. Underneath the shadow of his hood was black material, covering features like cheeks and chin, and his long black ponytail had slipped down to rest on the side of one of his shoulders. He strode down Diagon Alley--to which he had apparated, choosing not use the secret passage like Potcher--with his bags in tow. He covered the entire Alley, leaving a bag here and there until none were left. As quickly as he came, he apparated away--back to the cellar.
Potcher had just walked into Diagon Alley before his accomplice had disappeared. He carried a bag in his arms and one slung across his torso, covered by a thick black sweater. His clean cut and high shaven hair, sandy blonde in color, was the only thing that could be clearly seen of him; the rest of his body was dark in attire to blend in with the night. He placed his bag down near the secret passage, and then walked away from it quickly. Two, three steps... then plucked up his wand and opened the bag from the distance he was standing, releasing a makeshift tornado.
He turned and ran as fast as his booted feet would take him down the Alley, while his eyes searched for something--another bag. He would find these bags--for they all where identical--and open them as he approached, so he would never have to stop running. A few times he was caught up on his own feet, but never did he fall or falter. However, one stop was made before he reached the end of the Alley. He removed a package from his bag and placed it on the doorstep of the Daily Prophet--addressed to Rita Skeeter. It wasn't before long that all three companions had appeared back into the cellar they had started in-- not even fifteen minutes had passed. With curt nods to each other and brief thanks of a job well done, they apparate off to another location to celebrate, the sequential pops of their leaving the only thing left behind them.
Diagon Alley was completely covered in paper. Like a huge parade had 'stormed' the location. Hogsmeade too; Buttson had done his job well. Rita Skeeter would be very surprised when she arrived at work and found herself a nice box of chocolates. She would more than likely open it--charmed for her hands only--and unleash a bit of a storm in her office. Twenty pamphlets of the Periodic Inquiry would create a tornado in her office, to swarm around her wildly and fierce, leaking in their wake a special ink to fly against her skin.
It was a highly potent ink that would last for a very long time. Iridescent, it glowed green and purple. Words and phrases would cover her clothes and skin, some saying "Miss Skeeter has a long history of questionable reporting practices", "Miss Skeeter's lies protect Death Eater Lucius Malfoy", and "Messrs. Buttson and Potcher are pillars of our community". And while these pamphlets decorated her with words of meaning, tiny caplets would drop to the ground--twenty in all--and create a loud thunderous noise--twenty times--blocking out any screams that might erupt from Miss Skeeter... and also alerting everyone at The Prophet to go see what the fuss was all about.
(( Please click on Pamphlet to read article inside. ))
((Otherwise, continue to the text version below.))
The Periodic Inquiry!
Welcome, dear readers, to another edition of The Periodic Inquiry!
Back so soon, you may gasp! But how could we allow the spread of defamatory information throughout the Wizarding World without our guiding voice to separate the fact from fiction! Messrs. Buttson and Potcher are committed to the mission of uniting the Wizarding Community against those who would harm and manipulate their fellow citisens for their own wayward purposes. We do not write mere hearsay and heresy!
Once again, read and understand the problems that arise through ignorance!
Do not allow yourself to be perceived as a fool by fools!
You can only solve the Puzzle if you know the Riddle!
In the spirit of guidance, we look at a well-utilised tool of propaganda: The Daily Prophet! It seems to us that the leading newspaper in Wizarding Britain does not only want us to swallow the Ministry of Magic's lies; it seems to have become an effective blanket to protect the Ministry from ridicule, as well. We must acknowledge the amazed awe with which we read Rita Skeeter's enlightening stories. No other witch, in the history of wizardry, has so perfected the art of mocking the precious little that remains good and just in this world.
Miss Skeeter has a long history of questionable reporting practises. Several years ago she happily lent her expertise in writing an article for The Quibbler, a publication which-well, let's be honest; when was the last time any of us read The Quibbler for crucial information?
And we all remember the subject of this article-a tell-all exposé about the rise of The Dark Lord, from the lips of Harry Potter! A story that The Daily Prophet was so loathe to dispense to the public it had to be passed off as tabloid fiction to get any attention.
Ironically enough, this is probably the closest Miss Skeeter has ever come to reporting the truth. Before and since then, her efforts have been devoted to feeding the public all manner of juicy gossip; usually false… almost always cruel. But it's her inimitable talent for shock and scandal that has kept her employed at The Daily Prophet. Miss Skeeter's articles have long satisfied the paper's agenda of distracting us all from the very issues that warrant attention.
We, Messrs. Buttson and Potcher, would have been equally interested in reading about the inspiring number of witches and wizards who attended the Hogwarts Gala in support of Headmistress Minerva McGonagall and the school. But reporting on that, you see, would have brought to our minds the headmistress's refusal of support from the Ministry of Magic. Better to ridicule her guests than acknowledge a job well done.
But we both feel a debt of gratitude to Miss Skeeter for revealing to us Lucius Malfoy's role as a "bastion of moral character and a pillar of our community." We hadn't known before now that being a Death Eater was so admirable, you see. What a lovely lesson to pass down to our children. Of course Mr. Malfoy would attend. He's already bought himself out of Azkaban, into the Ministry, and now wishes to support Hogwarts with his wealth. It seems he cannot find the best cause for his bottomless wallet.
Of course, it is not just Miss Skeeter who excels in misdirection. She deals out gossip, while others have dealt out malice. It is a grave word to use, but we at the Inquiry do not take harmful actions lightly. The sources of this sleight of hand directed eyes to peer into the lives of Harry Potter and Ginevra Weasley, as well as former Hogwarts professor Severus Snape and the rest of his household. And for what purpose other than to question friendships and alliances?
None-and we feel that is where the puzzle breaks.
It has been reported that Miss Weasley suffered an accident while performing an exam for her Healer-in-Training application at St. Mungo's Hospital. It was quickly pointed out that she was accompanied by Mr. Snape at the investigation. There is much speculation as to why these two people would be found together-yet there was none when Miss Weasley was sighted with Mr. Potter weeks ago in Diagon Alley! We all gain great amusement in dissecting the private lives of these three people, but this is not the riddle on which to spend your time. We should be asking ourselves why it is appropriate to sabotage a fellow witch or wizard with a very dangerous-potentially fatal-trick, simply because of their associations. Will "guilty until proven innocent" become the norm here in Wizarding Britain?
We see the real reason behind the lines of the filthy gossip. If Mr. Potter had indeed made it possible for her and other Weasleys to be stricken from the registry, we know why. Registered individuals are always to blame for accidents, even if they don't cause them themselves, or even if said accidents cause them injury. We believe Mr. Potter to be protecting his friends against the two-faced Ministry. And as for Mr. Snape's involvement-who else to right a wrong where Potions are concerned? They allied themselves with a man who would be able to correctly asses the issue without an altered perception of morale-for he too is on the registry and has been reduced to public ridicule, along with every member of his household. Funny, how Miss Weasley was injured shortly following the publication of Miss Skeeter's scandalous gossip. No, the Ministry did not point the wand that dealt the lethal blow… but it certainly did aim it.
Once again we leave it up to Harry Potter to do what decent human beings should: stand up against injustice and protect the ones they love. After all, the rest of us are too busy whispering about our neighbors behind presumptuous hands.
Time: Evening-Morning
Charaters Invovled: Aliases Buttson, Potcher, and accomplice
Complete
Rating: G
There are no warnings, no simple indication that anything is amiss, or prepared to cause a ruckus. That is the natural course of things where cyclones and tornados are concerned. They appear without heralds or reservations, and their destinations are almost never known. Of course, in England one would hardly see these natural occurrences.
Unless, of course, you happened to be in Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade shortly after eleven P.M. on the twentieth of April.
Several violent, rotating windstorms have sprouted up, from various locations. Six in Diagon Alley and four in Hogsmeade, in synchronized patterns, timed well enough to be called systematic. The storms were identical with odd decorations about them; hundreds of loose-leaf parchments to be exact. These papers designed the shape of each storm, sprung from open brown bags of some leathery material, also identical to one another. Nothing of greatness were these children of the wind god; they leapt out of their cages and spun a dizzy path for a few minutes before fizzing away and disappearing. They had purpose however, just as three strangers had that very night, performing a distribution of the papers in each storm, so that the areas in question had been assaulted with literature of the Periodic Inquiry.
Earlier that evening, Plew Buttson had met up with Frink Potcher, and a third man with wild, long black hair. All three were hiding down in the cellar of the Leaky Caldron, trading bags and satchels, hushed words and quick whispers. Plew Buttson, a thinly framed and overly clothed figure, with stringy brown hair- not quite as long as the dark haired companion, had gathered up four identical bags and then disappeared on the spot with a popping, cracking noise. Destination Hogsmeade. It seems the honourable Buttson had business to see to.
Frink Potcher was hurriedly enlarging six bags as Buttson apparated; his deep blue eyes were concentrating hard while his sleeved arm wished about his wand. Once finished with his task, he put his wand into the back pocket of his thick brown pants--a bit baggy in the knees--and helped the third man with picking them up. The long, thin wisp of the dark haired man's pony tail was swishing about like a snake as he maneuvered, and once he had control of five bags, he too disappeared with a crack. Potcher took the last bag, crept quietly from within the cellar, and headed for the secret entrance of Diagon Alley.
The accomplice of Buttson and Potcher was stocky, very tall, and clad with a dark cloak and gloves. Underneath the shadow of his hood was black material, covering features like cheeks and chin, and his long black ponytail had slipped down to rest on the side of one of his shoulders. He strode down Diagon Alley--to which he had apparated, choosing not use the secret passage like Potcher--with his bags in tow. He covered the entire Alley, leaving a bag here and there until none were left. As quickly as he came, he apparated away--back to the cellar.
Potcher had just walked into Diagon Alley before his accomplice had disappeared. He carried a bag in his arms and one slung across his torso, covered by a thick black sweater. His clean cut and high shaven hair, sandy blonde in color, was the only thing that could be clearly seen of him; the rest of his body was dark in attire to blend in with the night. He placed his bag down near the secret passage, and then walked away from it quickly. Two, three steps... then plucked up his wand and opened the bag from the distance he was standing, releasing a makeshift tornado.
He turned and ran as fast as his booted feet would take him down the Alley, while his eyes searched for something--another bag. He would find these bags--for they all where identical--and open them as he approached, so he would never have to stop running. A few times he was caught up on his own feet, but never did he fall or falter. However, one stop was made before he reached the end of the Alley. He removed a package from his bag and placed it on the doorstep of the Daily Prophet--addressed to Rita Skeeter. It wasn't before long that all three companions had appeared back into the cellar they had started in-- not even fifteen minutes had passed. With curt nods to each other and brief thanks of a job well done, they apparate off to another location to celebrate, the sequential pops of their leaving the only thing left behind them.
Diagon Alley was completely covered in paper. Like a huge parade had 'stormed' the location. Hogsmeade too; Buttson had done his job well. Rita Skeeter would be very surprised when she arrived at work and found herself a nice box of chocolates. She would more than likely open it--charmed for her hands only--and unleash a bit of a storm in her office. Twenty pamphlets of the Periodic Inquiry would create a tornado in her office, to swarm around her wildly and fierce, leaking in their wake a special ink to fly against her skin.
It was a highly potent ink that would last for a very long time. Iridescent, it glowed green and purple. Words and phrases would cover her clothes and skin, some saying "Miss Skeeter has a long history of questionable reporting practices", "Miss Skeeter's lies protect Death Eater Lucius Malfoy", and "Messrs. Buttson and Potcher are pillars of our community". And while these pamphlets decorated her with words of meaning, tiny caplets would drop to the ground--twenty in all--and create a loud thunderous noise--twenty times--blocking out any screams that might erupt from Miss Skeeter... and also alerting everyone at The Prophet to go see what the fuss was all about.
(( Please click on Pamphlet to read article inside. ))
((Otherwise, continue to the text version below.))
The Periodic Inquiry!
Welcome, dear readers, to another edition of The Periodic Inquiry!
Back so soon, you may gasp! But how could we allow the spread of defamatory information throughout the Wizarding World without our guiding voice to separate the fact from fiction! Messrs. Buttson and Potcher are committed to the mission of uniting the Wizarding Community against those who would harm and manipulate their fellow citisens for their own wayward purposes. We do not write mere hearsay and heresy!
Once again, read and understand the problems that arise through ignorance!
Do not allow yourself to be perceived as a fool by fools!
You can only solve the Puzzle if you know the Riddle!
In the spirit of guidance, we look at a well-utilised tool of propaganda: The Daily Prophet! It seems to us that the leading newspaper in Wizarding Britain does not only want us to swallow the Ministry of Magic's lies; it seems to have become an effective blanket to protect the Ministry from ridicule, as well. We must acknowledge the amazed awe with which we read Rita Skeeter's enlightening stories. No other witch, in the history of wizardry, has so perfected the art of mocking the precious little that remains good and just in this world.
Miss Skeeter has a long history of questionable reporting practises. Several years ago she happily lent her expertise in writing an article for The Quibbler, a publication which-well, let's be honest; when was the last time any of us read The Quibbler for crucial information?
And we all remember the subject of this article-a tell-all exposé about the rise of The Dark Lord, from the lips of Harry Potter! A story that The Daily Prophet was so loathe to dispense to the public it had to be passed off as tabloid fiction to get any attention.
Ironically enough, this is probably the closest Miss Skeeter has ever come to reporting the truth. Before and since then, her efforts have been devoted to feeding the public all manner of juicy gossip; usually false… almost always cruel. But it's her inimitable talent for shock and scandal that has kept her employed at The Daily Prophet. Miss Skeeter's articles have long satisfied the paper's agenda of distracting us all from the very issues that warrant attention.
We, Messrs. Buttson and Potcher, would have been equally interested in reading about the inspiring number of witches and wizards who attended the Hogwarts Gala in support of Headmistress Minerva McGonagall and the school. But reporting on that, you see, would have brought to our minds the headmistress's refusal of support from the Ministry of Magic. Better to ridicule her guests than acknowledge a job well done.
But we both feel a debt of gratitude to Miss Skeeter for revealing to us Lucius Malfoy's role as a "bastion of moral character and a pillar of our community." We hadn't known before now that being a Death Eater was so admirable, you see. What a lovely lesson to pass down to our children. Of course Mr. Malfoy would attend. He's already bought himself out of Azkaban, into the Ministry, and now wishes to support Hogwarts with his wealth. It seems he cannot find the best cause for his bottomless wallet.
Of course, it is not just Miss Skeeter who excels in misdirection. She deals out gossip, while others have dealt out malice. It is a grave word to use, but we at the Inquiry do not take harmful actions lightly. The sources of this sleight of hand directed eyes to peer into the lives of Harry Potter and Ginevra Weasley, as well as former Hogwarts professor Severus Snape and the rest of his household. And for what purpose other than to question friendships and alliances?
None-and we feel that is where the puzzle breaks.
It has been reported that Miss Weasley suffered an accident while performing an exam for her Healer-in-Training application at St. Mungo's Hospital. It was quickly pointed out that she was accompanied by Mr. Snape at the investigation. There is much speculation as to why these two people would be found together-yet there was none when Miss Weasley was sighted with Mr. Potter weeks ago in Diagon Alley! We all gain great amusement in dissecting the private lives of these three people, but this is not the riddle on which to spend your time. We should be asking ourselves why it is appropriate to sabotage a fellow witch or wizard with a very dangerous-potentially fatal-trick, simply because of their associations. Will "guilty until proven innocent" become the norm here in Wizarding Britain?
We see the real reason behind the lines of the filthy gossip. If Mr. Potter had indeed made it possible for her and other Weasleys to be stricken from the registry, we know why. Registered individuals are always to blame for accidents, even if they don't cause them themselves, or even if said accidents cause them injury. We believe Mr. Potter to be protecting his friends against the two-faced Ministry. And as for Mr. Snape's involvement-who else to right a wrong where Potions are concerned? They allied themselves with a man who would be able to correctly asses the issue without an altered perception of morale-for he too is on the registry and has been reduced to public ridicule, along with every member of his household. Funny, how Miss Weasley was injured shortly following the publication of Miss Skeeter's scandalous gossip. No, the Ministry did not point the wand that dealt the lethal blow… but it certainly did aim it.
Once again we leave it up to Harry Potter to do what decent human beings should: stand up against injustice and protect the ones they love. After all, the rest of us are too busy whispering about our neighbors behind presumptuous hands.