First Steps and First Meetings

[m4moony]

Date: Wednesday, 29 August, 2001
Time: Noon
Location: Three Broomsticks
Characters Involved: Remus Lupin and Anne Shephard
Rating: No more than PG

Comments

[m4moony]

"No, it's all right. I don't mind. I've had seven years to adjust to not hiding what I am, thanks to my rather public outing. Talking about it doesn't bother me much any longer." Much being the operative word, of course. Mundane details like how it had affected his eating habits and his temper, were nothing to talk about. The constant niggling fear in the back of his mind during the dark, still hours of the night as the moon grew fuller, that one day, that maybe Fenrir's level of feralness was something that would naturally happen to him, Remus, as he drew nearer old age? That was something he rarely even shared with Severus, let alone a woman he'd just met.

"My name had been entered in the book at Hogwarts when I was born, just like any other magical child. Apparently, the book does not hold the prejudices of the school's leaders, whomever they may be, for my name was never removed, didn't fade, or disappear. So, when I was eleven years old, I received my letter just like any other young wizard. I knew about magic, of course. Even living as a Muggle, magic had been around me. My father was quite a competent potions master in his own right before the attack. Not of the level of someone like Professor Snape, but talented and well respected."

As always happened when he spoke of his father, a faraway look came over him and a note of awe crept into his voice. Even at forty-one years of age, a part of Remus was still a little boy in the throes of hero-worship for the father who had taken such care of him and tried so hard to find a cure for his curse.

"My father sent a refusal at first. Had I been found to be infected, I'd have been sent to be put down." He wouldn't varnish his words be refering to the procedure as anything other than what it was. Werewolves had been put down like the animals the Ministry believed them to be. It had been as cruel and inhumane as the words conveyed. "He didn't want to risk it, nor could we conceive of anyway it would be safe for the other students to have me there. Dumbledore had thought it all out before he came to make the offer a second time in person."

Lass arrived then with their meal and Remus let the young woman fuss with the table and return to the bar before continuing.

"I'm sorry it was him that did this to you. There are others, those who have infected without being aware they had done so. But, Greyback and followers are too deliberate in the attempt. There was a time, before I knew who had done it, when I almost pitied the wolf who had infected me, thinking him like myself, terrified of that very possibility."

Remus paused in the process of scooping out a spoonful of stew.

"Then I met him."

[anneshephard]

It was chilling, listening to Lupin's story. Anne would have found it moving at any time, but of course it struck a deeper chord now. That child could have been Miriam, and she found herself wrapped up in that depressing thought (counterpointed by the bittersweet relief that Miriam was human, and whole, and to be a student in six years) as Lass arrived with food. The smell of Professor Lupin's stew, chicken and fish and chips. Her stomach wanted to growl, and she knew her mouth was watering. But the idea of indulging the edge to her hunger was more than she was willing to contemplate. She stuck with her salad.

Anne had never had the luxury of pitying her attacker. She had known, all along, that it was Greyback who had bitten her, that a monster had made her into one. She had always known that he had planned to enjoy the taste of her daughter, and take her away, and turn her into something of his own.

"I've never met him," she said quietly, "but I've heard lots about him, I know what he's done. I know what he would have done to Mi- to my daughter, if he had bitten her." She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, feeling less hungry. "I don't understand ... monsters like him, or Death Eaters ... but that's neither here nor there, is it? I can't change what he did to me, but at least I stopped it from being something worse." Her voice hardened, becoming resolute. It was scant comfort but it was some.

She didn't explain to Lupin how, in the early days after her attack, she'd been terrified of what she would become. She had screamed that she wasn't a monster, she wouldn't be Greyback, it couldn't happen to her - she'd terrified her husband, having all the appearance of a woman about to lose her mind. Revolted by her condition, she'd wanted to escape her own skin, and recognising the looming threat of never seeing Miriam again, she had begged and demanded and shouted for her daughter. But it had been agreed that seeing her mother in that state would frighten the little girl too much, and as Anne had raged at what Greyback would have done to her daughter, she had become simultaneously terrified that she might turn into such a beast herself.

They had not been pleasant days. Anne had taken a long time to settle into her new half-life, reeling from the attack, her divorce, and the sudden decision that she should never see Miriam again. Artie had been right to be scared, she reflected bitterly; if she'd only controlled herself, she might at least have been allowed to see her daughter once in a while.

[m4moony]

"It's no different than Voldemort and his death eaters, really. They like power and they like and if they can get power by making you afraid, so much the better. It's the same with Greyback." Remus stabbed at his stew a couple times before reaching for a chip, stabbing that into the stew instead of his spoon, and eating it. "He talks about giving power to the disenfranchised, which only includes werewolves, and encourages us to become the monsters society would name us in order to claim that power. When you've lost everything that ever meant anything to you, including basic dignity and the right to live, it's tempting. For some it's too much temptation to resist."

He regarded the woman across from him in silent contemplation for a moment. He guessed she couldn't be too much younger than himself, although her appearance was already beginning to show the signs of her condition, enforced isolation, hunger, a general weariness that came with burning too much energy than one could replenish easily. Yet, she'd survived this long.

"You did at that. You most likely saved your daughter's life. Even if she survived the bite, it's rare for a young child to live through the transformations without the best of care. Sometimes, not even then. I got lucky. I've seen what happens to those who didn't. Small comfort, I'm sure. But it's something.

"Right, so, new. less depressing topic than the tragedies of life." Smiling encouragingly, Remus reached for his drink. He could sense her discomfort and the effect the direction her thoughts had taken were having upon her, even if he didn't know the specifics. It was very hard to fool senses that were more canine than not at this time of month. But, he hardly knew the woman, shared circumstances aside. He didn't feel right about prying into her private thoughts.

"I understand you and Stella knew each other during school?"

[anneshephard]

It didn't feel good, to hear Lupin say she'd saved Miriam's life, but it didn't feel bad either. It was a curious mix of uncomfortable sensations, a confirmation of the bitter, guilty, hopeful thoughts she'd long tried to comfort herself with.

It was a good idea to move on to something else. Anne forced a smile onto her face and ate some more of her salad. Merlin, the smell of all that food he was eating ...

"Yes, we were in the same year," she explained. "I was in Hufflepuff, she was in Gryffindor, so we didn't really spend much time together until our final years. We ended up working together a lot in Transfiguration. It wasn't ... oh, it was never one of my best subjects, but she's pretty good at it, so she'd give me a hand. We were pretty good friends ... stayed sort of in touch after school, but we stopped writing about the time I got married ..."

There wasn't really all that much to tell, about her and Stella. Anne's life had never been that exciting, and Stella had just been a good friend. They'd never shared any death-defying adventures, unless one counted risking McGonagall's wrath over not handing in an essay, and Anne couldn't think of much she could say that would be interesting to Professor Lupin.

[m4moony]

"Ah, so you would have started school after I had left, then."

She would have had Severus for a teacher his first few years. Remus couldn't help but feel a mild pang of jealousy at that. He wondered what Severus had been like, if he could have spared the other man any grief had he not taken himself off to nurse his wounded heart on the continent away from all reminders of what had been.

While she was in school, Remus had fought a war, infected one of his school friends, lost his best friends, and was only just beginning to burnout the rage that had kept him going until a chance meeting with Glamis in a bar in Germany.

And, yet, she had already suffered as much or more as a result of this curse they shared.

"Stella's a good friend to have."

Finishing off the last of his stew, Remus signaled Lass to have the girl box up the rest of his order as take away.

"So, tell me." Leaning back in his chair, he regarded his companion seriously. "How are things going for you truly? I suspect, if your situation was anything but dire, Caleb would not have asked me to meet with you. I'd like to help if there's anything I can do."

[anneshephard]

Anne blushed hotly, taking a sip of her water as if that would cool her burning cheeks. Professor Lupin might be able to empathise with the reality of her situation, but there still wasn't equality between them. She wasn't a respected teacher and pillar of the community.

"I'm ... I'm getting along okay, Professor," she said, embarrassment leaking through her voice, her hunched shoulders, her expression and her eyes. "Things aren't dire, and I certainly haven't come beg - asking for favours. I wanted to speak to you simply because ... well, I've already asked you about the thing I thought you might be able to help with. People to talk to, that sort of thing." She tried to hide her disappointment that there was no hidden country club where werewolves could go and relax and enjoy a drink or two while listening to the Quidditch on the WWN. "My situation isn't great, but I still have savings to help support me, for example, so I'm not nearly as badly off as some are ..." She took another mouthful of water. This was difficult to talk about - saying anything truthful about the way she lived sounded like a request for him to try and change it, and Anne didn't want to do that. Little favours she could accept, difficult as it was, but big things - no, there was something in her that balked. It wasn't quite pride.

"It's quite possible Caleb misrepresented my situation," she demurred. "I do better than it seems, I'm ... more frugal than I quite need to be." Stumbling for explanations that sounded like feeble excuses, Anne felt her tongue stutter and come to a halt. She didn't know what else to say.

((An August thread continuing now? xD))