Oh my friend, my friend, don't ask me what your sacrifice was for!
Date: June 9, 2001
Time: 4:30 PM
Place: Spinner's End, upstairs in Mandy's room
Character(s) Involved: June, OPEN to any Spinner's End residents OR visitors (well-meaning or otherwise) who'd like to come find her up there.
Rating: PG to start
( There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief. ~ Aeschylus )
Time: 4:30 PM
Place: Spinner's End, upstairs in Mandy's room
Character(s) Involved: June, OPEN to any Spinner's End residents OR visitors (well-meaning or otherwise) who'd like to come find her up there.
Rating: PG to start
( There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief. ~ Aeschylus )
"No. Unnecessary. I just...."
Uncharacteristically clumsy with his words, too lost even to be embarrassed, at this moment, at being seen by a relative stranger in this state of discomposure, his eyes landing upon a corner of dove-grey silk which hung on a hook near the wardrobe.
The shawl he had given her for Christmas.
His arms clutched convulsively over the frame pressed against his chest.
"I had wanted to...."
What? Jog his memory? Find clearer memories in here, where he might feel closer to her? Where he'd spent so much time with Ginevra in their first months of residence here, tending to her injuries?
Catching June's pain-filled gaze for a moment - quite probably a mirror to his own, he loosened his death-grip on the frame and turned it over. Mandy's muted giggle floated out of the room at that moment, as the images he'd already placed within continued their repetitive cycle.
Straightening his shoulders, suddenly wary and defensive, he felt the need to justify his actions. Clearly he had become weak - he was going 'soft', else death of one girl would not have devastated him so completely - but he did not need to display his weakness for all to see! He held the frame out to June, casting a sideways glance toward Mrs Finnigan as though daring her to mock him.
"The clarity and quality of the image is best if the memories are... clear to begin with. If you wish, you may add to it whenever you like."
He hadn't wanted, no needed to find a way to outwardly be able to focus on the positive recollections of the girl, to try - completely ineffectually - to banish the hideous images of her death from his mind. Of course not.
It was merely the preservation of information. Nothing more.
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She looked to the frame, just like Seamus' viewers. It was something she wished that she had had all those years ago. "She will not be forgotten about." she said, quietly to June.
She didn't know what to say to Snape. She just didn't look at him. She didn't blame him, she just didn't know what to say. Charlotte smoothed her hand over June's shoulder, aching for her. She didn't really know Mandy, but that didn't mean that such a young girl deserved to die for something that she couldn't possibly do. There wasn't anything that could be done. There was no saving the dead. Putting a stopper in death was just not possible. It was a part of life, but it was never easy.
She had been there, she had suffered the same sort of loss. Gabrielle, a few other friends, her parents.... her brother. She had all the experience, but it was still never easy to find the right things to say, because there was no right thing to say. "I can go if you want to 'ave time togezer." she said, quietly, looking between June and Snape.
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Mandy. Not as they had last seen her, battered and frightened, but normal. Moving about the house. Sitting at dinner. Giggling over Christmas presents with June herself like a pair of little girls. The memories held June almost transfixed; of course, he had created the viewers, but he could make one to do this? Her fingers brushed ever so lightly across Mandy's smiling face, the surface rippling faintly under her touch.
"This is... it's perfect," she managed, though even that word seemed inadequate to convey the feelings tumbling over each other inside her. "I didn't know you could... You'll have to show me how to add to it, please."
Still caught up in the viewer, she was shaken out of it once again by Charlotte's voice. Merlin, I really ought to get some sleep... But sleeping was unthinkable. "No, Charlotte, you don't have to go. We should..." What? Leave the room to Severus? Perhaps, but where else was there for her to go? Nowhere was free of grief; it choked the whole house like smoke. Mutely she held the viewer out to him again, eyes on the smooth black folds of his clothing.
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Once again his voice trailed away, unable to support itself in the discussion of trivialities. He would show her the process when the house was empty and quiet. For now, he was too self-conscious of his own distress.
"Please do not disturb yourselves." Stepping further into the room, he ran his fingers over the silken shawl, remembering the time he'd spent trying to choose an appropriate gift for her, remembering her delight in seeing it and the frequency with which she'd worn it.
Turning back to June, he silently accepted the frame again and headed back toward the door.
"Do not disturb yourselves," he repeated. "I should..." Make an appearance in the sitting room full of 'company', though whether he could bear to do that was unlikely. "Go."
He left the door in its previously slightly-ajar state and headed for the stairs, likely to return to the isolation of his lab.
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"Are you okay, June?" she asked, looking at her friend. She was a very touchy person. She liked to comfort her friends with hugs and things, but she wasn't sure it was right.
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