A Move to Remember
Date: Saturday, April 28, 2001
Time: Night
Location: Number 8 Ambrose Terrace, York
Characters Involved: Peregrin Derrick, Pansy Parkinson, invitation only
Rating: PG-13 (for the most part)
( 'It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.' ~Rita Rudner )
Time: Night
Location: Number 8 Ambrose Terrace, York
Characters Involved: Peregrin Derrick, Pansy Parkinson, invitation only
Rating: PG-13 (for the most part)
( 'It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.' ~Rita Rudner )
It was a gift really. How could he exasperate her to the point of tantrum while remaining stonily cool? The longer this conversation continued, the more exaggerated she felt her emotions become. It was like socializing with her mother and deliberately disappointing her, just trying to get a response.
When Perry and Pansy had first started going out, she’d seemed to spend a huge proportion of her time just trying to follow his thought processes, to understand his concerns and his needs and his dreams. A few months ago, she’d felt as though they’d turned a corner - that finally, they knew where they stood. Now, she was back to square one. She didn’t have the first damn clue what Perry thought he was doing here.
Why!? Why would he think, Yes I want to marry her but… hey, let’s ask her this way? To hell with everybody else - to hell with it all. I want to break her heart while I’m doing it! What the fuck was he doing, having a brain hemorrhage?! Sometimes it felt like there were two Perries: the one who held her closely and looked at her as though the rest of the world could be peeled away like orange skin whenever they were together, and the other - this Perry, who wanted to kick her just to see how she would squirm.
Of course she was being overly dramatic, but then hyperbole was Pansy’s daily bread and Perry knew that. And more than that - she was furious. So suddenly and completely, unbelievably furious with the way Perry had allowed himself to utterly ruin what should have been such a precious moment that -
She flung the dress she was holding down on the floor and whirled around to face him, her hair flying into her face. “You know what? I really fucking hate you when you do this! Why does everything have to be so fucking difficult, all the bloody time! I- Christ!” Pansy turned again and headed for the door. “Great first day in the house, Perry- really. Loads of brilliant memories. Thanks a pissing lot.”
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He almost ignored her, or wanted to try, anyway, but Pansy's bloody tantrums always got under his skin. She knew how to pick her words too well... eh, it was just too fitting that they'd mark the first day in their new house with a fight. He missed his opportunity to respond to the rest, but upon realizing where she was going he leapt up to head her off. And immediately he was hit with a sense of deja vu, of having enacted this same motion in a very similar situation not too long ago. That caused him to pause briefly.
He didn't try to get in her way. Instead his hand shot for her arm. "Dammit, if you'd stop turning simple conversations into huge fecking shows maybe things wouldn't be so difficult!"
The sad thing was... he really didn't know what they were fighting about.
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“Do you mind? I was in the middle of storming out.”
Well, this argument was shaping up to be a good one. It had been ages since Perry and Pansy had really let rip and now Pansy could - ugh, she was in control, she was! But barely. He was making this all about her when she was simply an innocent bystander who’d been dragged along. Perry would say that Pansy always blamed him but this time she was right! After all, it wasn’t as though she’d pissed all over what should have been one of the happiest moments of his life now, was it?
“Oh, come off it, Perry! This isn’t a ‘simple conversation’ or it isn’t for any normal person. This is a huge fucking deal so don’t try and pretend like I’m making a fuss over nothing. You just - I still can’t believe you did that!” She paused, to fling her hair back. “Did you mean to ask me to marry you, or were you really going to ask if I fancied putting the kettle on and, you know, the wrong words came out?”
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He loosened his grip... but he didn't let go. You know, just in case she still planned on storming out. Damn right she wasn't going to have the last word.
Indeed, it had been so long since they'd had an actual, all-out row that for a moment he felt completely outside of himself, like he was a spectator watching from the sidelines. But it really was his hand holding her arm, and his temper threatening to flare. In the past, when they first got together, it was easy to get caught up in Pansy's tantrums. Still was, really. But now he found he was better able to think through her outbursts. And the more he actually listened to what she was saying, the more fight drained out of him.
So he wasn't yelling... not loudly, anyway. And he wasn't tightening his grip. He was staring right at her, right into her, and trying to control the beat of his heart, and truly, earnestly trying to understand what the big deal was.
"I told you, I wasn't asking anything, I just wanted to discuss it! So call me a stupid wanker for getting it wrong. But it's not that different from what we're already doing, right?" Slowly his fingers slipped away from her arm, a for a brief moment his eyes seemed lost. "We love each other, we live together, and that's not going to change, right?"
So she kept insisting... but then they always got into pointless arguments like this. "...So why does it matter how I ask-how I say it?"
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“Asking me to marry you is the huge fucking deal!” Pansy shrieked and then took a deep breath. Thank goodness Perry was relinquishing his grip on her arm because the last thing she wanted was to be in close contact with him right now. She might punch him.
While his hand disappeared though, his eyes held her still, glaring at her and it seemed so ridiculous that he could be looking so straight and so hard into her mind and yet still not get it. The flaring anger died down again to just a touch below white-hot and Pansy wasn’t really sure which was worse - the flash in the pan or the slow searing heat. It meant she could consider what he was saying, however, and attempt a reasonable response.
Really, he was missing the point. Yes they lived together; yes they loved each; and yes, getting married wouldn’t change any of that superficially. But it was still an important step! It was saying that in twenty, thirty, forty years time we’ll still be here, having these raging arguments, cursing each other’s existence and cuddling close. It was saying we’ll think of each other before anyone else - we’ll raise children together, we’ll fuck them up together, and we’ll take the blame for it together. It was choosing one future from the myriad available to them at this moment and swearing to stick to it no matter what. No running away - no escape.
And Perry thought it was just… continuing on with what they’d been doing? That nothing would change?
Pansy took another deep breath and finally turned away from Perry. “Fine, you just wanted to discuss it? Then let’s discuss it.” She set down on the edge of the bed and looked up at him. “Yes we live together, and we love each other - but just because those things aren’t going to change, it doesn’t mean everything else will stay the same. Just because you want it to be this simple little thing, it doesn’t mean it is.” One hand twisted into her hair and she sighed and looked away. “I’d be- it’d- my family-” She couldn’t even frame the words but Perry would get the message. “And then, what about our family? Does getting married mean you’d be willing to consider… having kids? And what will your ‘surrogate family’ make of you taking me on?” Pansy looked back at him. “All pretty big questions, yes? So it’s a pretty big fucking deal, wouldn’t you say?”
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He remained standing as she went through the list, his spine going a little rigid when she stumbled. Yeah, he knew what she was trying to say. He slipped his hands into his pockets and looked away briefly, listening while still trying to hold onto his own thoughts. His expression grew more serious, solemn, and it would seem that he really hadn't thought any of this through. No, it wasn't a very simple matter-but then, when had anything about them ever been simple?
He sat down as well, not too close, enough to give Pansy her space and so that he could think without being distracted. "You've already had that fight with your family, didn't you? Did you really walk away from them, intending to go back when you got bored enough?" Said as unaccusingly as he could manage. He rubbed his palms together once or twice, then looked over to her. He couldn't help a small wry grin. "And what do you think they make of me 'taking you on'? If they were going to object, they would've done by now. They know this is... that this isn't just some fling. And it's not about any of them. It's about us."
He leaned closer, but he didn't reach for her... though he considered it for a split second. Even Perry wasn't sure why he was advocating so hard for this. They could just as easily not bother with marriage. It'd be less complicated, they'd have more freedom... and they wouldn't have to deal with the subject of children. He glanced away and his hands seemed to clasp themselves tighter. Did they really dare leash miniature Perries and Pansies on the world? The thought nearly made him grin... nearly.
"I'm... not sure about kids." This was one thing he hadn't allowed himself to think about. But then, that's why they were discussing it. He looked to Pansy once more. "I didn't know you were thinking about it?" Why else would she bring it up?
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Crossing her legs, she turned around so that she was facing him on the bed. Her left hand cupped her chin as she said, faux-lightly, “Well, that was offensive. No, Perry, I did not expect them to take me back with open arms ‘when I got bored’. But you do realize-marrying you, becoming a Derrick. It would be pretty much burning all my bridges at once. And I know they’re soddy and bigoted but they are my parents!” Pansy’s voice was close to cracking and she quickly left that topic and moved on.
And what did she think the Pack thought of Perry ‘taking her on’? Not that they’d seemed very against the idea but there had been some attitude clashing over that Full Moon and there was this weird mentality that somehow she was part of the Pack, because of her relationship with Perry whereas she saw it as the other way round. Their relationship released Perry from his obligations to them, and a marriage would cement that. His loyalties would lie with her and with their family above anyone else. No debate there - it just would.
Should they be thinking about reproducing? Judging on their own interactions, they weren’t likely to have a very peaceful family life. Hell, just the suggestion of it had them at each other’s throat and was this explosive aggression really the atmosphere to bring up children in? …Would it be any worse than growing up in apathetic dislike?
Pansy shrugged again, but more awkwardly. “And I didn’t know you were thinking about marriage. But- doesn’t one kind of, errr, follow on… from the other? And like you said, if we’re going to stay together and everything. Then-”
Her voice trailed off. When had she stopped being angry and started being embarrassed?
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What was he thinking, anyway? Why did he constantly let Pansy drag him into these situations (because it was obviously all her fault)? He let his guard down enough to think that perhaps he could read her, that they could see eye-to-eye on something, only to prove that he was a complete moron. For all her tantrums and emotional outbursts, Pansy always seemed to be more in control.
He dragged a hand through his hair, momentarily lifting the curls from his eyes... but he didn't look at her. "Yeah." The corner of his mouth quirked into a grin briefly and very little sound came out. He was tired of talking. "Yeah, you're right. Forget I said anything." Where'd he leave that decoration he'd been unwrapping?
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Fuck but Pansy hated that stupid fake grin of his. It matched the stupid nothing speech. Typical Perry - of course the best way to shut Pansy up would be to tell her she was right. Why else would she possibly be talking except to be egotistical? Funnily enough, she didn’t want to shout anymore. Maybe he did know what he was doing.
She reached for his hand, but somehow they’d got past the point where a simple caress could make this all right, and her arm couldn’t breach the gap. Instead, it rested on the covers about halfway between them and she awkwardly shifted her body a little closer to him.
“What are you talking about, I’m right?” Pansy asked, but the bite had gone from her voice. “I wasn’t saying that I didn’t think we should! I was just saying, you know, that it is a big deal - that you can’t just blurt it out like that and expect me to shriek, “Oh darling!” and fall into your arms.” She sighed. The delicate diplomacy this task so obviously needed was just as obviously beyond her. Her free hand combed through her hair - it was going to be disgustingly greasy after this. Another wrong to chalk up to Perry.
Another heartfelt sigh. “You must have been thinking about this for a while. So- well, what do you think?”
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...Okay yes, so he kind of missed the point a little. But why couldn't women just be straight about things? If she wanted to get married, then why did it matter how romantic he was about it?
So it was a huge decision to make-this was the rest of their lives they were talking about. But to Perry, they'd already made those huge decisions. Marriage was just a formality. It was like Pansy said, they didn't have to do it. It would certainly do little for Pansy's image... as she'd pointed out. And they didn't need to wait to have children if they wanted. That was another area Perry was still conflicted about. Pansy didn't have the most loving parents-well, the most loving mother, anyway. Did she really want children? He wasn't sure he wanted to tell her that it might be a bad idea. Not because of her... but him. Did she really want her children to have a werewolf for a father?
So he didn't say anything for a while, and he stared ahead of him, running the thoughts through his mind. At last he glanced at her and grinned. "I think 'Pansy Derrick' sounds terrible." Because let's face it, 'Derrick' wasn't the most flowing last name. "...But, it's... starting to grow on me."
...Did that even answer the question?
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He was still pussy-footing around the issue, avoiding talking about what was the real issue here - should they get married? And could he have brought up the subject in a less appropriate fashion?That was what all of the yelling had been about.
Bringing children into the equation had probably not been the best idea but --- wasn’t that what you associated with marriage? If -if- they decided marriage was the way to go, wouldn’t that mean that they were replacing their own inadequate families with one of their own? It was just- what would be the point, otherwise? If they were just going to continue sloping along down the same path, did they need to bother with it all?
Christ, even she was losing the romantic impetus now.
“Pansy Derrick.” She tried it out on her tongue and gave a short laugh. “How about Perry Parkinson?”
After all, if they were going to give her father an embolism, they might as well do it properly.
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"Oh, that's perfect. Because I was just thinking to myself the other day, what better way to remind myself of Pansy's father every second of my life than by taking his name?"
They'd both sat consciously and awkwardly separated all this time, but now Perry found the strength to lift his arm and take Pansy's hand, still grinning mischievously. But his voice took on a much more subtly earnest tone. "But Pansy Derrick, I like the sound of it much better coming from you."
Yes, he could have brought all this up in a less appropriate fashion. Pansy should have felt fortunate the worst she got was "let's get married."
But the "should" question... well yes, that probably deserved an actual answer. After all, how healthy of a marriage could they expect? They fought constantly, it seemed. She wasn't too fond of his "family" and he couldn't stand hers. Surely marrying a werewolf would bring her social status to newer lows; and really, a werewolf and an ex-Slytherin with suspected Death Eater ties? In truth neither one would be doing the other any favors. What in the world did they have going for them?
...Except for the fact that Perry was sure no one knew Pansy better than he did. And in those rare instances that he was willing to talk, she was the one he turned to. And at the end of the day, their energy for arguments and stony silences was spent and they could lie together as if nothing happened, and they still worked. He still had the pack, of course. They were a large and necessary part of his life... but it was no longer just them, anymore.
Perry was quite focused on her fingers, resting in between his, still grinning as if this was all some silly discussion. "It's no big deal. Marriage is old-fashioned, anyway." The grin slimmed slightly. "But... I mean, if you were interested... I think we could pull it off." He looked at her more directly, looking very, very serious.
"...Besides, who doesn't want to be married to a professional athlete?"
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