Forty-One

[m4moony]

Date: Saturday, 10 March, 2001
Time: roughly 8am-ish
Location: Spinner's End
Characters Involved: Remus Lupin & Severus Snape, only
Rating: PGish, I think, for now, we'll see ;-)

Comments

[m4moony]

What he wouldn't do for this man who so freely accepted all the strange, twisted aspects of having a werewolf for a...lover!

"Of course I'm cautious where you are concerned. Why else would I have followed you to Malfoy's ball two months ago?" Remus was more than content to hold and be held for the moment. Here was acceptance and security and comfort. Experimentally, he allowed a hint of a growl to color his voice. "I won't let anyone hurt you, Severus. Not Malfoy. Not 'Dora. Certainly not myself."

It was a surprising thing to find out Severus enjoyed the displays of what Remus thought of as his more 'amimalistic' nature. The growling and biting had always been things Remus thought of as 'strictly werewolf' traits. He'd been with two women in the past -- one who shied from any display of dominance-play in bed and one who nearly demanded it. The latter had been another werewolf. Remus had always thought only werewolves found such things...well, sexy. The idea that a 'normal' man was affected positively by it was...intriguing.

"A werewolf will not harm it's chosen mate," he mused softly, closing his eyes and resting his head comfortably against Severus' shoulder. "I've heard it before, in France and Italy. Do you really think it could be true?"

His verbal pondering was interupted by a small yawn, but the idea was looking to become a fire in his brain. He wanted nothing more than to 'lose control' with Severus. For the first time in his life, he truly wanted to know what that sort of freedom and would feel like, to ride the tide of abandonment together. It would have been so much easier if it was an issue of placing his trust in Severus. But it was himself he feared.

Unless...

Perhaps that was the answer! He already trusted Severus with his life and his heart. Why not this?

"I don't want any barriers between us, either. No one has every pushed the limits of that control the way you seem to. I could get lost in you happily." Pulling back a fraction to be able to look the other man in the eye, he bit his lower lip in consideration of his proposal. "I'd like to try giving up that control with you...for you. Would you promise to stop me if I go to far? Very little could get through to me if I were to cross the line, but you could. I know I could stop if you asked it of me."

[subtle_simmer]

A shiver of pleasure washed over him, the low growl in Remus' voice adding to the delight of the evidence of being 'protected'. Squeezing his arms around the werewolf, he echoed the sentiment.

"Nor will I willingly permit any harm to come to you and yours, Remus, from any quarter. Regardless of my admittedly poor behaviour where the Metamorphmagus is concerned, that is no excuse for her to take her anger out on you."

Nymphadora Tonks had best be on her guard, because Severus was positively itching to give her a piece of his mind. He didn't know anything of the meeting other than 'she did not take it well', because he had been too much of an arse to discuss it rationally, but he knew Remus well enough to know he had been hurt.

The vibration of Remus' voice, as they lay entwined like this, was a very intriguing sensation, which made it almost difficult to attend to the words. A warm flush of pleasure spread over him at the surprising idea of being Remus' 'chosen mate', as memories of his Weasley-potion-enhanced daydream surfaced in his mind.

"Honestly, I don't know. However, my experience in other areas of research suggests when a piece of information arises in similar form from many disparate sources, it tends to have a strong element of truth."

He felt more than heard the slight yawn, and used one long leg to pull up the duvet which had become all but lost in the previous activities. Tucking this over them and feeling quite content to let Remus drift to sleep, settled here atop his chest, he was surprised to find the werewolf still ruminating over the issue.

In spite of his best intentions to let the other man get the much needed rest, his heart rate jumped erratically at the delicious impressions brought to mind by the idea of Remus getting lost in him. He swallowed a gasp of renewed desire as he met the worried brown eyes - and saw the bitten lip - of the other man.

"What would I not promise you?" he asked hoarsely. Unable to resist another moment, he leant up again to capture the abused lip in a kiss, suckling it into his own mouth to worry at it with his teeth, instead. Releasing the kiss to allow his head to settle back against the pillows, he offered a very uncharacteristic, almost mischievous smile. "That is a very distracting habit of yours, Lupin," he said, tapping the abused lower-lip with his index finger. "Very distracting, indeed."

Wrestling his lascivious thoughts back to the subject at-hand, he nodded, stroking a hand along Remus' face to tangle his fingers through the thick hair.

"Yes, Remus... I promise I would stop you if I thought it was necessary. By whatever means I have to use, if it came to that - you know I never allow my wand to be out of reach."

[m4moony]

"She has every right to be angry with me, Severus." The fatigue and drowsiness that was his more usual state after the transformations was beginning to set in, but now Remus didn't want to sleep. Laying awake, enjoying this unexpected feeling of having someone here for the first time in his life, of not just having someone to check in on him periodically, but having someone here with him, seemed like a much better idea. Despite his loss of control and the fear that inspired, he felt the most human in this moment that he'd ever felt. "I hurt her terribly, leading her on like that. It wasn't fair and I should have put a stop to things long before I did. That she's chosing to direct her anger at you, when I'm the one that's offended her, that I won't stand for. What you and I have has nothing to do with her and it never will."

Much as he had not bothered to clarify 'Dora's misconceptions regarding the level of physical intimacy he shared with Severus -- it was none of her business if he and Severus had fully consumated their relationship or not, he had also not filled Severus in on many of the finer points of his argument with the young Auror. It would only hurt the other man to think he was coming between Remus and one of his friends again. Remus remembered Severus' reaction to the argument with Harry over the same topic when they began this relationship. And telling Severus that 'Dora's first words had been 'I'm going to be sick' would accomplish nothing.

It was difficult to determine which was more responsible for the thrill shooting down his spine -- the sensation of long fingers tangled in his hair, or the prfound warmth that filled him at Severus' promise. Perhaps it was silly. But, knowing the other man wouldn't let him do anything he would regret, even if Remus had no control over himself, eased a great deal of the burden of fear he'd been carrying.

"Thank you, Severus. That makes a difference." Although, he still didn't think he wanted to test it quite so near the Full until he was sure he would not be the one to cause Severus harm. They had time. After their mutual promises and commitments, something of the urgency had fled. He still wanted Severus desperately. But, the sense that he wanted to love the other man now before he came to his senses and left was fading. Taking it in their own time, as it felt right, seemed more comfortable now.

Another yawn interupted his next comment and he settled more comfortably against the warm chest beneath him. The soft thump of Severus' heart beating just beneath where Remus' head now rested was soothing, a sound he was sure he could get very used to. When that gentle rhythm began to increase, he had only a moment to ponder the reason before all he could do instead was moan softly at the gentle sucking at his lower lip. A slow grin spread over his face at Severus' words.

"What habit," he asked, too casually. Pushing himself back up onto his elbow, a smirked down at the other man, mischief adding a sparkle to otherwise darkening eyes. Very slowly he dragged his teeth along his bottom lip, nibbling purposefully, just a little, before releasing it completely. He let the growl slip back into his voice, still experimenting, not quite able to believe someone 'normal' could truly enjoy that...and more. "That habit? It's just a nervous tick. I guess something about you must make me...'nervous'."

[subtle_simmer]

Severus could not remember the last time he had felt so comfortable, so at-ease with himself and his surroundings. Certain it was that if there had been any such experience recently, it had likewise been caused by the werewolf laying atop his chest.

Laughing, in spite of himself, he used the tangle-hold of tawny hair to leverage up to kiss away the teasing smile.

"You are absolutely incorrigible," he said, his voice thick with amusement. Kissing Remus once more, he settled back against the pillows, enfolding his arms across the smooth skin of Remus' back.

"Nervous tick, is it? I think we should both be glad you have such a distracting habit, and that I am exceedingly observant, else this arrangement might have been further delayed. It was your displays of nervousness, and the ease at which I found myself able to provoke them, which gave me courage to attempt the pursuit."

Once again tucking the duvet around them, he nuzzled his jaw along Remus' hair.

"Now go to sleep, infernal werewolf. This is an experiment, as well as a birthday present. If successful, it seems to me there is little logic in sleeping alone, henceforth. However, if you cannot behave yourself and sleep, then I will have to alter my hypothesis. I will not become a detriment to your health."

[m4moony]

The world had most certainly turned topsy-turvy during the last year. Here he was, a year after Voldemort's fall, half-naked in bed with an equally half-naked Severus, flirting and cuddling and nothing had ever felt so easy in Remus' life. There had never been anything 'easy' for him, not since he was four years old and being attacked by the monster in the darkness.

But, this, being with Severus, this was 'easy'. Not that they didn't have their difficulties. They were neither of them 'easy' or 'simple' men to get on with. Yet, being together, creating an 'us' out of a 'them', seemed to come so comfotrably, not effortlessly, but right. It felt right to return to consciousness after a transformation and find Severus in his bed, to settle in to sleep entwined together as though each would protect the other as they slumbered. Laughter and smiles were not forced or faked, but grew like flowers in spring from the genuine warmth and freedom of self they found in each other.

If perfection had a sound, it was this smooth, rich rumble of laughter born from the other man's pure contentment and Remus knew he could die happily having never heard another sound but that for the rest of his days.

"I don't hear you complaining overly much," he teased, soundly kissing Severus in return and dragging his teeth lightly across Severus' lower lip.

"You're the only one able to provoke them." Settling down to lie half over the other man, head resting so he could hear the soft, reassuring thump of a heartbeat, he smiled softly and closed his eyes. A last deep yawn delaying further comment. "Before moving in here, I hadn't done that in years, not since I was the age our students are now. You came into my life and I was suddenly a nervous schoolboy again."

With a soft, happy sigh, Remus relaxed completely then, arms wrapped tightly around Severus' waist, one leg thrown possessively over his hips. Worry and fear seemed to have melted away, leaving only the pleasant warmth of not being alone and the general fatigue that would no longer be put off. For the first time in years, perhaps the first time since he was that little four year old boy, he felt human in a way that he would never be able to properly explain, but cherished above all other feelings in the world.

"Best birthday, ever," he whispered just before sleep finally claimed him.