The Daily Prophet - Sports Section
Date: Sunday, 16 July, 2000
Time: Morning Edition
Characters Involved: The Daily Prophet
Rating: G
Dueling Gone For Good?
By Ruck Yorker, Daily Prophet sports columnist
That’s right, mates! That ain’t no typo there on the head of this column. Wizard’s dueling, a friendly sporting competition that dates back as far as 1400, stands a pretty fair chance of never returning.
Unless you’ve lived under a rock for the past five years, you’d know that in the summer of 1996 the Ministry disbanded the five dueling teams of the UK as one of those legal-type addendums to their 1995 International Ban on Dueling, signed with eleven foreign countries who really couldn’t care less. All teams were forced to immediately stop practicing, including our local champions, the Holyhead Horntails.
GO HORNTAILS!!! KICK EM IN THE HEAD!!!
The Ministry snuck it in under our noses, and those people what weren’t in the teams didn’t much notice, being that they were being attacked by Death Eaters and all. We were all glad to have those duelers helping the Ministry, even the Puddlemere Plimpies, who can’t seem to do anything right since they lost Filius Flitwick in 1954. Say what you like, Filius KICKS ARSE!!!
But now it looks like the teams, or what is left of them, aren’t going to re-band and try to reclaim the glory that got us named International Dueling Champs of 1853! Marcus Mackelby, the owner of the London Leeches, died in December of last year, and the ownership of the Leeches is now up for grabs. In addition, there are at least eight openings on the combined five teams:
Caerphilly Crups: 2 openings
Holyhead Horntails: 0 openings
Puddlemere Plimpies: 3 openings
London Leeches: 1 opening
Wimbourne Wraithes: 2 openings
In fact, more might become available as three players are still in St. Mungo’s, waiting continuing medical treatment. (Jack Overetus, get better soon! Did you get my singing fruit basket?) And yet Rupert Blackthorn, head of the department of Magical Games and Sports still says “no comment!”
Hasn’t even made time to see me, the ruddy bastard. Bet you’ll make time now, eh?
So if any of you wizards or witches out there actually care, you’d write the Prophet and let them know how much you want the dueling teams back on by the time the season starts up again in September! After all, getting our sports back means getting our lives back.
Ruck Yorker played Quidditch for two years in Hogwarts, and still holds the record for most Bludgers to the head. This year he will be covering what are considered the “background” wizarding sports. All responses to him are to be sent to his personal mail slot in the Daily Prophet office. Please do not contact anyone else.
Please.