how on earth did halloween become a holiday, anyways?
so last night and today were... unsettling to say the VERY least. lots of reason. i dont really want to talk about it. ever. also, i havent been seeing hardly any of david lately, because he works from like 6:30am to 6 or 7pm and i have work from 5-9. its very sad. and whenever we do see each other, we're really too tired to go out or really do much of anything. most of the time he's even too exausted to have an indepth conversation. it makes me.. sad. and sometimes i wonder why on earth i even stay in this relationship. i just dont feel benefited by it. i know its only gonna be like this for a season.. it would be totally different if i was out of school and in a normal job and not working nights and he was in the union with a more stable schedule and we had our own place. but right now.. its just really the pits. we're just both so stressed out and frazzled all the time. at least its nice to have someone to be there for you and to be there for but it seems lately we havent even had time to do that.
then tonight, the first night we would be able to spend with each other, he goes out with his friend derek. wow. that made me really feel like first class crap. i guess i have to be understanding that he must really need to just get out of the house, and away from me and my girl neediness and emotional issues, and just spend some time with the guys. because all he ever does is work, sleep, and see me. literally. but i mean,still. ouch. im pretty hurt. at least we're gonna get to spend all day tomorrow together. and its not that i want to be selfish and demand 100% of all his time and energy... but darnnit, yes i do. i want it ALL. i at least wanted to go too. tonight is the night when everyone is out at their pre-halloween parties and i sat at home playing with my sister and doing homework, cause i was too flippin melancholy to call anyone and make some plans.
to top it all off, im doing crappy in school (Iwell,all my science classes), having some little family spats,a cold from hell AND pms.
i hate everything.
i just want a normal relationship with someone who isnt always at work and tired and sick. i want to go on walks and picnics and stay up late talking and be a freakin young person. then maybe when he had the energy to have a guys night it wouldnt be such a slap in the face.
(they walked around downtown. we have NEVER walked around downtown.)
... :(
then tonight, the first night we would be able to spend with each other, he goes out with his friend derek. wow. that made me really feel like first class crap. i guess i have to be understanding that he must really need to just get out of the house, and away from me and my girl neediness and emotional issues, and just spend some time with the guys. because all he ever does is work, sleep, and see me. literally. but i mean,still. ouch. im pretty hurt. at least we're gonna get to spend all day tomorrow together. and its not that i want to be selfish and demand 100% of all his time and energy... but darnnit, yes i do. i want it ALL. i at least wanted to go too. tonight is the night when everyone is out at their pre-halloween parties and i sat at home playing with my sister and doing homework, cause i was too flippin melancholy to call anyone and make some plans.
to top it all off, im doing crappy in school (Iwell,all my science classes), having some little family spats,a cold from hell AND pms.
i hate everything.
i just want a normal relationship with someone who isnt always at work and tired and sick. i want to go on walks and picnics and stay up late talking and be a freakin young person. then maybe when he had the energy to have a guys night it wouldnt be such a slap in the face.
(they walked around downtown. we have NEVER walked around downtown.)
... :(