i find it kind of funny that im just not sad.
so, me and david broke up. we're still friends, and we love each other but its just not the right thing right now. it hasnt been for a long time. im an idiot for staying with him through all that i did but oh well. everything happens for a reason and he said if i didnt then he wouldnt have ever come back. so i suppose God needed me there with him, even though i had to deal with alot. sometimes it'll just hit me all at once and i wont be able to breathe and i'll be like.. oh my god, i really stayed through that? i really let him treat me like that? but at the time it all just melted into love and forgiveness. and all the little things he did that were just so disrespectful and i hated... wow. i do love him, but this is way for the best. he doesnt know how to cherish someone. he needs to get straight with God, get his priorities in order and get his anger dealt with. i really hope we can get back together but not that im out looking in there are so many things that i dont know if they WILL change, even with Jesus. like how he's just not that into conversation, and he would prefer watching tv by himself when he was tired than telling me about his day and cuddling. its not that he's a bad person, we just clashed alot on things. and im pushy and selfish and he has a short fuse. so you can imagine how fun that was.
he needs his time to work through his issues, and for the first time i realize that i have some stuff to learn too. i need to learn how i deserve to be treated, and the kind of man i REALLY want. and you know what.. i already found a really good example of both through a really amazing friend of mine thats brand new in my life. the timing is so weird.. and he's so everything oppsite of what i would've expected... but he's everything i never though existed in the way he treats me and how is reacts to situations and just his life's outlook and attitude. i really think he's here for a reason, and that God meant for me to learn from him and be around each other. i dont know, its complicated though. im afraid im just going to break his heart or fall in love with him and break david's heart or get MY heart broken when then both end up not wanting me, haha. but, im just rolling with it and really, really enjoying being really, really happy and completely unstressed for the first time in awhile.
yah... i dont know everythings all hazy and whirly and fun. and i feel like im moving on to fast for the rest of me to keep up with.
he needs his time to work through his issues, and for the first time i realize that i have some stuff to learn too. i need to learn how i deserve to be treated, and the kind of man i REALLY want. and you know what.. i already found a really good example of both through a really amazing friend of mine thats brand new in my life. the timing is so weird.. and he's so everything oppsite of what i would've expected... but he's everything i never though existed in the way he treats me and how is reacts to situations and just his life's outlook and attitude. i really think he's here for a reason, and that God meant for me to learn from him and be around each other. i dont know, its complicated though. im afraid im just going to break his heart or fall in love with him and break david's heart or get MY heart broken when then both end up not wanting me, haha. but, im just rolling with it and really, really enjoying being really, really happy and completely unstressed for the first time in awhile.
yah... i dont know everythings all hazy and whirly and fun. and i feel like im moving on to fast for the rest of me to keep up with.