Radvent - day 3/part 2
Here we go:
Why are you always looking for something different?
Part of this, I think, is feeling like I'm not particularly good at any one thing. But also, I just get bored. Up until very recently, it was hard for me to imagine where I'd be in 6 months, letalone 5 years. I've hit a point where I have to commit, though - to a person, to a family, to a house, to a city. I thought it would be scarier, but so far it's alright. I think I just need to find ways to keep seeking new experiences within these committments.
Do you feel more comfortable with yourself as you get older?
OH MY GOD yes, and I didn't know if I would ever get here. It's not just body image stuff either - it's not being jealous of other people's lives/lifestyles, and not feeling like I might be missing out on anything and not really caring (as much) if I look silly. Yesterday I was walking around home depot singing christmas songs to benji to try to keep him occupied. I wear what I like & I do what I want & while I still experience some self consciousness (I think it would be weird if I didn't) I'm pretty comfortable with where I am these days.
What are you best at now that you never would've imagined you'd be able to do?
This is twofold, I guess, but they're both kind of related. For one, I feel like I'm a lot more patient with other people than I ever thought I could be. With my parents & grandparents & extended family, along with my new family & even my coworkers. Who knew I'd be this good at reading stories or giving baths or talking anyone through their tantrums?
The second thing is sort of an overshare - it's just dealing with gross stuff. I had the weakest stomach as a kid & couldn't even deal with picking up pieces of dry dogfood & putting them back in the bowl - it would make me gag every time. These days I deal with all manner of poop & pee on a daily basis (human & otherwise) as well as wet cat food, probably the grossest thing I can think of. I was thinking about it when I was scrubbing toilets the other day... what's the point where we stop being totally disgusted by this stuff & just start to deal with it as a necessary part of being a caretaker? It amazes & kind of impresses me that I'm so good at it now. Need something gross pulled out of the garbage disposal? I'm your woman.
Why are you always looking for something different?
Part of this, I think, is feeling like I'm not particularly good at any one thing. But also, I just get bored. Up until very recently, it was hard for me to imagine where I'd be in 6 months, letalone 5 years. I've hit a point where I have to commit, though - to a person, to a family, to a house, to a city. I thought it would be scarier, but so far it's alright. I think I just need to find ways to keep seeking new experiences within these committments.
Do you feel more comfortable with yourself as you get older?
OH MY GOD yes, and I didn't know if I would ever get here. It's not just body image stuff either - it's not being jealous of other people's lives/lifestyles, and not feeling like I might be missing out on anything and not really caring (as much) if I look silly. Yesterday I was walking around home depot singing christmas songs to benji to try to keep him occupied. I wear what I like & I do what I want & while I still experience some self consciousness (I think it would be weird if I didn't) I'm pretty comfortable with where I am these days.
What are you best at now that you never would've imagined you'd be able to do?
This is twofold, I guess, but they're both kind of related. For one, I feel like I'm a lot more patient with other people than I ever thought I could be. With my parents & grandparents & extended family, along with my new family & even my coworkers. Who knew I'd be this good at reading stories or giving baths or talking anyone through their tantrums?
The second thing is sort of an overshare - it's just dealing with gross stuff. I had the weakest stomach as a kid & couldn't even deal with picking up pieces of dry dogfood & putting them back in the bowl - it would make me gag every time. These days I deal with all manner of poop & pee on a daily basis (human & otherwise) as well as wet cat food, probably the grossest thing I can think of. I was thinking about it when I was scrubbing toilets the other day... what's the point where we stop being totally disgusted by this stuff & just start to deal with it as a necessary part of being a caretaker? It amazes & kind of impresses me that I'm so good at it now. Need something gross pulled out of the garbage disposal? I'm your woman.