TF Fanfic Thingy Part 3

[fierceawakening]

Nova Black listened to the door clanking shut behind her. The noise was a relief.

"You wanted to see me, Eclipse?" Grandeur asked, watching her over his shoulder.

"You defended me back there. I wanted to thank you." She walked over to him. "And I wanted to know why."

He turned. "Are you always this suspicious when you're thanking someone?"

"I

Comments

[sentso]

Like Snowdropexplodes above, I like how her perceptions are being challenged. For some reason I get a feeling that she’s young here. I never thought about it before, but maybe because the other bot is explaining home history to her, she felt younger to me than I think she does in the other two. Granted, “young” is relative. A 21 year old deckhand on a crab boat from Deadliest Catch has certainly seen more and put up with much more than this 36 year old, yanno?

And I like the idea of the other bot being an Autobot who went apeshit. “Yeah we thought he was a pushover till the day he pulled a bot’s gearbox off like a paper towel.”

[fierceawakening]

:) Thanks. There's something I'm not quite happy with about this installment, and I can't tell if I'm just being a perfectionist and once I've left it sit I'll be happy with it, or not.

I think it's what you're describing, though. I did mean for her to be young, and somewhat reckless, but I didn't mean for her to be totally clueless. If I'm still bugged by it later I'll add some details I'd left out for pacing. It might help.

[sentso]

Oh it's definitely not a "clueless" factor. I think it is just when we first meet her, our (my) impression is that she's battle hardened, road weary, etc. That comes across.

But here it just puts it into perspective because you're showing others that are even more so but without the "yeah you have it rough kid suuuure" tude.

[ext_101344]

What I'm getting is that Nova is not "clueless", but very much a product of her upbringing and background. A sort of, "There are more things in heaven and Cybertron than are dreamed of in your philosophy" situation.

[fierceawakening]

Ok! Yeah, that is what I meant to convey. A lot of the wider world is pretty much beyond her ken -- she was no one of any great import before in the grand scheme of things, so she's smart but not so up on what others are really like.