Rock concerts
On women being uncomfortable at rock concertsAnd I've never felt particularly uncomfortable at rock shows. After several dozen shows over two years, it's a familiar atmosphere. But that comfort is due to my privilege as a part of a heterosexual couple. I almost never go to shows without my male partner, whose central passion is live music. As a single women, I would be vulnerable, a target, but my unavailability signals to men that I am deserving of privacy. I'm never hit on or made to feel uncomfortable - unless my partner is in the bathroom. This applies to no just drunken frat boys, but those lovely and benevolent authority figures.
Personally I've never felt uncomfortable at any concert. Maybe I just go to the wrong ones, or maybe (as someone once said to me on an e-list) my lack of femininity gives me a certain kind of armor, or maybe my disability marks me as Untouchable and so I avoid this sort of thing, or maybe the fact that I'm never in or near pits because I am too short to see and would rather not be trampled and die, or maybe it's that even if I wasn't aware going to a concert alone was a bad idea it would still sound totally un-fun not to go with someone and I never would even think of going alone, or... who knows, really.
But, well, the one time I remember anything of the "show us your tits" school was at a Marilyn Manson concert, and the women in question had actually already exposed themselves and were making out or the like, and Marilyn said something ridiculous like "That's it, show off your tits for Jesus!" I didn't get the impression that they felt pressured into it at all. Maybe I just hadn't become a feminist yet and missed something, but I got the impression that they actually did want to do it. I got the impression Marilyn was rolling with something that was already going on, not provoking it.
To me, that was the atmosphere of the show. Not patriarchy, not "this is the cost of beholding our music, becunted ones," but rather something like "This is a Manson show. This is a place for libertinage, for exploration, for showing off, for reveling in doing all those things that, as older teens, you really want to do, and do loudly and rebelliously, but don't get to do."
I didn't have a problem with that little show because as I understood it, it was simply a part of the atmosphere. Maybe those women were put up to it, drunk (or high on the ubiquitous weed) and Bi For A Boyfriend. But I thought, maybe completely wrongly, that they were actually dykes. That they were reveling in the freedom to be Bad Dykes for a few hours, proud and loud and unashamed. It didn't look like they were trying to win approval, at least not how I remember it (of course, I misremember things all the time, and this was ten years ago at least.)
And it felt good to me to see it, good in that ribald, raucous, Carnival-smarmy way that's so awesome about all the places adolescents let their budding rebellions and passions free. It was a little bit over my line, so I don't want to give the impression I loved it, but it was over my line in that "We're here to be over lines. We'd never have showed up to a Manson show if we weren't" kind of way. Not that "These boys are tough to deal with, but if I want to see the show I guess I'll pretend I'm OK with degradation" way.
At least not for me. I don't pretend to speak for anyone else. And I was never a "go backstage" kind of person, much less a "maybe wanna fuck the band" kind of person, so I generally just... left when any concert ended, because it was over. So people who have experience with that may have things to say that I really can't touch, much less dispute.
But... I often feel very, very far removed from many feminists, because I've either not had the experiences or I've I guess had them and experienced them completely differently.
Personally I've never felt uncomfortable at any concert. Maybe I just go to the wrong ones, or maybe (as someone once said to me on an e-list) my lack of femininity gives me a certain kind of armor, or maybe my disability marks me as Untouchable and so I avoid this sort of thing, or maybe the fact that I'm never in or near pits because I am too short to see and would rather not be trampled and die, or maybe it's that even if I wasn't aware going to a concert alone was a bad idea it would still sound totally un-fun not to go with someone and I never would even think of going alone, or... who knows, really.
But, well, the one time I remember anything of the "show us your tits" school was at a Marilyn Manson concert, and the women in question had actually already exposed themselves and were making out or the like, and Marilyn said something ridiculous like "That's it, show off your tits for Jesus!" I didn't get the impression that they felt pressured into it at all. Maybe I just hadn't become a feminist yet and missed something, but I got the impression that they actually did want to do it. I got the impression Marilyn was rolling with something that was already going on, not provoking it.
To me, that was the atmosphere of the show. Not patriarchy, not "this is the cost of beholding our music, becunted ones," but rather something like "This is a Manson show. This is a place for libertinage, for exploration, for showing off, for reveling in doing all those things that, as older teens, you really want to do, and do loudly and rebelliously, but don't get to do."
I didn't have a problem with that little show because as I understood it, it was simply a part of the atmosphere. Maybe those women were put up to it, drunk (or high on the ubiquitous weed) and Bi For A Boyfriend. But I thought, maybe completely wrongly, that they were actually dykes. That they were reveling in the freedom to be Bad Dykes for a few hours, proud and loud and unashamed. It didn't look like they were trying to win approval, at least not how I remember it (of course, I misremember things all the time, and this was ten years ago at least.)
And it felt good to me to see it, good in that ribald, raucous, Carnival-smarmy way that's so awesome about all the places adolescents let their budding rebellions and passions free. It was a little bit over my line, so I don't want to give the impression I loved it, but it was over my line in that "We're here to be over lines. We'd never have showed up to a Manson show if we weren't" kind of way. Not that "These boys are tough to deal with, but if I want to see the show I guess I'll pretend I'm OK with degradation" way.
At least not for me. I don't pretend to speak for anyone else. And I was never a "go backstage" kind of person, much less a "maybe wanna fuck the band" kind of person, so I generally just... left when any concert ended, because it was over. So people who have experience with that may have things to say that I really can't touch, much less dispute.
But... I often feel very, very far removed from many feminists, because I've either not had the experiences or I've I guess had them and experienced them completely differently.