Momma's stream of consciousness
Momma and I went to see Cinderella at Atlanta Lyric Theatre tonight, which was perfectly lovely and we had a great time. Naturally on the way home we chatted about the show and the performers. For about 15 minutes. A few seconds silence.
Momma: Bones (her Chihuahua) sure is a cute little dog. He knows how to manipulate you though, he crawls up to you and looks so sad. He's a sweet little guy.
Me: Uh huh.
Momma: (beat) When I was at the bank today, I parked - I got a place right at the corner - I like that parking spot. When I got out of the car, you know right there it funnels the air and I thought it was going to knock me down.
Me: (trying to get through I 285 traffic without getting us killed)
Momma: And that guy (the police detective) still hasn't sent me those papers (they've identified the woman who forged a check on Momma's account and now she needs to fill out a formal complaint so that they can arrest the woman).
Me: I know Momma. You need to call him. (detailed observations on the paperwork ensue). Look Momma. They call those buildings the King and Queen. They were designed to look like chess pieces.
Momma: Uh huh.
(beat)
Momma: I sure like Al Gore's voice.
(beat)
Me: (laughing) Okay. Where did that come from?
Momma: I don't know, I just think about things. I like Al Gore's voice. He's got that accent they have in Tennessee and Kentucky and a couple of other places.
Me: Yes, sort of a mild Foghorn Lehorn.
(beat)
Momma: Vaginal farts are weird.
Me: (going through brain whiplash and trying not to wreck the car)OOO KAAAY! Non sequitur theater with Lockey Lawson! How did that one come up?
(much giggling and silly comments. I tell Momma that there's a word for it: "queef" - more silliness)
(beat)
Momma: You know, sometimes when you have too much gas it hurts when you fart.
Me: Okay I think it's time we changed the subject.
(mutual giggling)
(beat)
(detailed reminiscences about Momma's friend Ruby,whom she met because Ruby was a hairdresser. In the 1950's apparently there was a period where the style in women's shoes where the toe was pointed and curled up like an elf shoe and my mother bought a pair. In Ruby's opinion my mother was the only person Ruby knew who could get away with wearing shoes like that).
One thing about conversation with my mother...it's not predictable.
We're going out tomorrow night to watch Disney's Christmas Carol. It'll be interesting to see what stream of consciousness that experience sparks.
Momma: Bones (her Chihuahua) sure is a cute little dog. He knows how to manipulate you though, he crawls up to you and looks so sad. He's a sweet little guy.
Me: Uh huh.
Momma: (beat) When I was at the bank today, I parked - I got a place right at the corner - I like that parking spot. When I got out of the car, you know right there it funnels the air and I thought it was going to knock me down.
Me: (trying to get through I 285 traffic without getting us killed)
Momma: And that guy (the police detective) still hasn't sent me those papers (they've identified the woman who forged a check on Momma's account and now she needs to fill out a formal complaint so that they can arrest the woman).
Me: I know Momma. You need to call him. (detailed observations on the paperwork ensue). Look Momma. They call those buildings the King and Queen. They were designed to look like chess pieces.
Momma: Uh huh.
(beat)
Momma: I sure like Al Gore's voice.
(beat)
Me: (laughing) Okay. Where did that come from?
Momma: I don't know, I just think about things. I like Al Gore's voice. He's got that accent they have in Tennessee and Kentucky and a couple of other places.
Me: Yes, sort of a mild Foghorn Lehorn.
(beat)
Momma: Vaginal farts are weird.
Me: (going through brain whiplash and trying not to wreck the car)OOO KAAAY! Non sequitur theater with Lockey Lawson! How did that one come up?
(much giggling and silly comments. I tell Momma that there's a word for it: "queef" - more silliness)
(beat)
Momma: You know, sometimes when you have too much gas it hurts when you fart.
Me: Okay I think it's time we changed the subject.
(mutual giggling)
(beat)
(detailed reminiscences about Momma's friend Ruby,whom she met because Ruby was a hairdresser. In the 1950's apparently there was a period where the style in women's shoes where the toe was pointed and curled up like an elf shoe and my mother bought a pair. In Ruby's opinion my mother was the only person Ruby knew who could get away with wearing shoes like that).
One thing about conversation with my mother...it's not predictable.
We're going out tomorrow night to watch Disney's Christmas Carol. It'll be interesting to see what stream of consciousness that experience sparks.