(no subject)
Hi Interwebs.
It's been a little while -- about a week. But what a helluva week it's been. I just need to vent a little.
I'll give the short version, especially of the stuff that's already gone down. So far, I've had drama involving work -- I'm still awaiting a handslap because I let a call go on for too long after doing my best (and getting frustrated to tears) trying to help a customer -- and I received word that an old art school buddy unexpectedly died. More on that later. Maybe. Today, however, it's all family stuff.
Just to review/contextualize, my grandmother has both Parkinson's and Alzheimer's. Today is a very bad Parkinson's day. She can't stand, she can't move her feet -- she can't use her legs at all and one look at her face makes it obvious that she's trying so hard. She hasn't been wanting to eat, just to sleep, and she's been so confused the past few days. We've had freeze-up episodes before, as happened so very frequently in the week before Azkatraz, but this is the worst that it's happened since she was diagnosed and put on meds for both conditions. The scene in short? Grandma feels like she's a burden and knows exactly what's happening to her, Alzheimer's or not, Mom's in tears and I'm trying to be a strong shoulder. We just emailed Grandma's doctor about the situation. As Mom wrote, this is the progression that they'd discussed but it all seems to have come on/worsened so suddenly. The after hours nurse that we called told us to bring her in to the ER but since Mom and I can't lift her when she's dead-weighting as she's been we're trying to figure out how to get her there. I just called Dad -- he's on his way home from work early but since he works in Long Beach it'll take him about an hour and a half. Same goes for my aunt, who I'm calling now. She's in Barstow. The only other option is an ambulance.
I'm just trying not to freak out here. I can't deal with this right now. I can't deal with all the emotion, all the uncertainty and, more than anything, the idea of losing another person. The family's just starting to really recover from my grandfather's death and it's been about 5 years. I can't deal with it all over again. Not right now. I'm trying to be strong. I'm trying to put on my 'Man of the House In Training' hat and put on a reassuring face but the fact is that I'm holding back tears of my own here.
I have such a hard time dealing with emotion sometimes, which is also weird for me as I'm an emotionally driven person. I make decisions with my heart more than my head most of the time. But when I see someone crying I just... don't know what to do. My desire to help is so sincere but I just don't know how to process or help when someone is having a breakdown most of the time. It's killing me to see my Mom cry because I haven't a clue as to how to help her aside from just being here and holding her.
I'm just so scared right now, guys.
It's been a little while -- about a week. But what a helluva week it's been. I just need to vent a little.
I'll give the short version, especially of the stuff that's already gone down. So far, I've had drama involving work -- I'm still awaiting a handslap because I let a call go on for too long after doing my best (and getting frustrated to tears) trying to help a customer -- and I received word that an old art school buddy unexpectedly died. More on that later. Maybe. Today, however, it's all family stuff.
Just to review/contextualize, my grandmother has both Parkinson's and Alzheimer's. Today is a very bad Parkinson's day. She can't stand, she can't move her feet -- she can't use her legs at all and one look at her face makes it obvious that she's trying so hard. She hasn't been wanting to eat, just to sleep, and she's been so confused the past few days. We've had freeze-up episodes before, as happened so very frequently in the week before Azkatraz, but this is the worst that it's happened since she was diagnosed and put on meds for both conditions. The scene in short? Grandma feels like she's a burden and knows exactly what's happening to her, Alzheimer's or not, Mom's in tears and I'm trying to be a strong shoulder. We just emailed Grandma's doctor about the situation. As Mom wrote, this is the progression that they'd discussed but it all seems to have come on/worsened so suddenly. The after hours nurse that we called told us to bring her in to the ER but since Mom and I can't lift her when she's dead-weighting as she's been we're trying to figure out how to get her there. I just called Dad -- he's on his way home from work early but since he works in Long Beach it'll take him about an hour and a half. Same goes for my aunt, who I'm calling now. She's in Barstow. The only other option is an ambulance.
I'm just trying not to freak out here. I can't deal with this right now. I can't deal with all the emotion, all the uncertainty and, more than anything, the idea of losing another person. The family's just starting to really recover from my grandfather's death and it's been about 5 years. I can't deal with it all over again. Not right now. I'm trying to be strong. I'm trying to put on my 'Man of the House In Training' hat and put on a reassuring face but the fact is that I'm holding back tears of my own here.
I have such a hard time dealing with emotion sometimes, which is also weird for me as I'm an emotionally driven person. I make decisions with my heart more than my head most of the time. But when I see someone crying I just... don't know what to do. My desire to help is so sincere but I just don't know how to process or help when someone is having a breakdown most of the time. It's killing me to see my Mom cry because I haven't a clue as to how to help her aside from just being here and holding her.
I'm just so scared right now, guys.