Hmm...
Yea so pretty much everyone sucks. Just cause I said so. I feel really sick. I sleep a lot now. And I think a lot, too. I parked in front of a travel agency today and stared at it for 10 minutes. I've officially decided I'm really fucked up. I thought I had some stuff to look forward to, but then I was informed about something and now I'm just pissed. I need to hang out with Marco since he has an outside opinion on these things. He seems much happier now that he hangs out with his new friends. I'm jealous. I talked to him online for like 3 hours the other night and it felt like freshman and sophmore year all over again. And I honestly think it's the only time I've actually put the phrase lol and really laughed out loud. I feel like I need to change something. And not just something little but a drastic change. But I don't know what. I was gonna drasticly change something but unfortunatly I was talked out of it. I wish I hadn't been. I need something different. I always thought I would keep things interesting and not get stuck doing the same things with the same people all the time. But I am. I'm really in a rut now. I never wanted to go back to school but now I'm just dreading it. Mostly because I know what could have happened if I could have just held on a few more days without getting swayed. It's not like anyone was that happy with my decision anyways. They thought I was lying to them. Everyone seems to think I'm lying to them about everything. I can't be trusted anymore apparently. Field hockey practices are getting closer and I'm less and less enthused about that everyday. It's not the field hockey I'm dreading it's more the sense of school coming on. Not to mention the beginning of something that at this time last year I didn't think was going to happen. I'm ranting now and going off in different directions and stuff I know. But It's my LJ and you can stop reading if you want. I want to say I can make it until Christmas like I did last year but Christmas didn't come with much consolation considering what happened two days later. I started remember what Christmas used to be like. Kinda sucks to know it won't be like that again. My head hurts from all the coffee I drink now. But I need to drink it to stay awake. I'm always tired. Katie asked me to make a soundtrack of my life. It brought back some good memories, but even more bad ones. I'm not gonna finish it. I deleted the songs. I don't want to listen to them anymore. I feel really stupid right now. I don't know anything. I don't know when school or field hockey starts. I'm the worse captain ever. I haven't visited a single college. I haven't run since camp. I don't have the energy. I'm gonna stop ranting now. Everything else I'll just rant to myself.